Shallon Lester's Blog, page 10

Ask Shallon: How Can I Make New Friends

Kiki is moving to NYC and is worried that she's too shy to make friends and break out of her shell. HOGWASH! Check out my advice…

 

Ask Shallon: Rekindling an Old Romance

One of my Brazilian readers (who probably has a fantastic ass, amirite??) wonders if it's too late to start things up again with her ex. And surprise, surprise, I have the answer…xoxo

4 Things Better Than a Sloth

By now I'm sure you've already seen Kristen Bell's adorable video where she literally has a panic attack because her fiance surprised her with a visit from a sloth for her birthday. If not, see the link below. PS, it takes a sloth 90 minutes to drown because of how slowly it breathes. Srsly.

Kristen Bell & The Sloth

ANYWAY. I watched this vid and wondered what kind of surprise could send me into a similar tailspin. Here's what I came up with.

1. Levar Burton

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But you don't have to take MY word for it...

After years of mingling with celebs, I rarely get starstruck. Mostly I get judgy and try to tell what kind of plastic surgery they've had or if they're really thinner than me or just have a great pair of Spanx.

The exception to this is Reading Rainbow host Levar Burton, who was practically like my surrogate uncle growing up I watched that show so much. I would absolutely come unglued if I met him. To this day, I secretly can't understand how someone could be racist against black people…do they not know that Levar is black?!

 

2. A Puppy Party

Cannot...compute...ADORABLENESS?!?1!!!one!!

I looked into doing this one year for my birthday. Basically someone brings like 15 puppies and you play with them for an hour. Just swarm yourself with nibbly, puppy-scented PUPPIES. I nixed the idea when I realized that I'd probably stuff 3 or 4 of them into my purse and make a run for it.

 

3. Free Candy

In world of pure imagination! Oh, and gluttony.

A few years ago, Klo and I went to a re-opening of Dylan's Candy Bar here in NYC. It was open bar (obviously) but also, OPEN CANDY. As in, take as much candy as you want. As much candy as you want. Between the two of us, we nabbed 8 lbs of treats, no joke. After the event we ended up wasted at Butter, handing out fistfulls of gummy worms as tips to the coat check girl. I also ended up going home with my ex-boyfriend's teammate, but that's really neither here nor there.

 

4. The Golden Girls

No, thank YOU for being a friend

You know what? I have fervently loved The Golden Girls since before it was cool, ask ANYONE. I went to Rue McClanahan's book signing once and nearly wet my pants. Last night I had a dream that I met Betty White and she said she'd send me a recipe for peanut butter cookies, and I cried. Not in the dream, IRL. I was so happy when I woke up, I kind of cried.

 

So, that's me: candy, puppies and stars of  '80s TV. I am what I am.

 

 

Ask Shallon: Should I Give Up on the Girl I Like?

Ari is in 8th grade and totes smitten with a girl…who told him to leave her alone. :/ Should he give it another try or move on? I'll tell him the one surefire tactic to win her back and/or save his reputation!

 



 

Got a romance Q? Email me at AskShallon@gmail.com!

10 Things That Are Attractive

Usually the things trending on Twitter are bafflingly ghetto like #DemSmallBitchesCan'tHandleMaDick (I'm not making that one up) or Justin Bieber related. But today one was #10ThingsThatAreAttractive, which for once is right up my alley.

So, in the spirit of jumping on the bandwagon, here are 10 things that women find attractive. Guys, listen up.

1. Confidence – There's a HUGE difference between confident and cocky. A lot of times women will forgive a little cockiness because we'd rather have a guy who overshot in that department versus one who came across as a giant wuss. Because we don't like dating someone insecure and needy any more than you do.

2. Manners – I went out on a first (and last) date recently with a guy who managed to use the word penis 11 times. Eleven. On a first date. I cringed and winced every time. He didn't get the hint. On dates, always pretend that your mom could be in the next room, casually listening. If you wouldn't say "clitoris" in front of her (which he also wove into our conversation) don't say it to your date.

WWPWD?

3. Charity – I loved my ex, Big Red, like you wouldn't believe, but I knew it wouldn't last when he refused to give a homeless man soup in the middle of a blizzard. The kid was a pro athlete and made $4 million a year but "didn't want to waste money" buying a guy some dinner.

4. White Teeth – In this day and age, there is NO REASON why we all shouldn't have sparkly white teeth. Crest Strips are like, $22 people. Cowboy up.

Before you say that he's probs gay, please note that I really don't care

 

5. Buy Flowers – I'm hideously allergic to flowers but I ADORE getting them, every woman does. They're an easy, cheap way to get to 2nd base, at least.

6. Biceps - I mean…we do. All of us. Abs are all well and good but big beefy arms are just so magical.

I will kill a man to date Zac Efron. I will.

7. Nice Shoes – Basically anything that isn't Tevas (NEVER), Crocs or hiking boots. When in doubt, loafers or Converse.

8. Sometimes Skipping the Undershirt - It drives me crazy when boys wear a button up with a high-collar tee underneath. What is this, Bagdad? We want to see some skin too, ya prude.

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Oh Tom, how you tease me!

9. Love Mom – I don't even think this needs explanation.

10. Smell Good - Please put away that "Girls have told me they like my natural smell" line because it's seriously not true. Boys naturally smell like sweat and rubber and Mountain Dew. Please fix it. I, on the other hand, organically waft Chanel No. 5. FACT.

Mmm smells like pretentiousness...

Ask Shallon: Getting Over Your First Love

Men can be horrendous. Especially the ones you've already dated. But awful though they may be, getting over love isn't easy. Today I help Emily move on from her ex, who can't stop messing with her heart…and other body parts.

BONUS! Here's another vid I did about healing a broken heart. Because seriously, I've been there.

Lovelorn? Heartbroken? Tell me all about it now sugar, AskShallon@gmail.com.

Ask Shallon: Dealing With Frenemies

Got a friend who, well, isn't? I've known my fair share of backstabbing bitches and untrustworthy BFF's, so here is my expert advice on shutting down a faux-friend once and for all.

Ask Shallon: Buying a Present Your Girlfriend Will Love

And by "love" I clearly mean "she'll be ready to do that freaky thing in bed she always refuses." You're welcome.

 

Ask Shallon x 2: Dangerous Crushes & School Dances

Chelsea is in lurrrrve with her cousin's BF, should she go for it?

And see what you can do to minimize awkwardness and have a blast at your school dances:

Birthday Grrrl

I was never one of those children who couldn't WAIT to grow up. When I was 7, I didn't want to be 8. When I was 15, I could take or leave 16. I was acutely aware that, as Winston Churchill said, the world was made to be wooed and won by youth.

My peak

 

So, blah, today is my birthday and from here on out, I'm not counting numbers anymore. It's not that I'm old, because I'm really not, but focusing on exactly what age I am makes me feel old.

In fact, I just may make up a new age for myself every year, depending on how I feel. One year, such as this one, I might feel 26. But next year, who knows—I could be engaged and pregnant and feel more like I'm 34, so that's what I'll tell people.

 

WHAT.

 

 

And they'll say "WOW you look great for 34!" and I'll be like "Oh pfft I've had loads of Botox" and they'll be like "Uh…really?" and I'll be all "No not really. I'm actually just lying" and they'll go "Wait, about what? Botox or being 34?" and I'll just say "LOL! JK! BRB!" and walk away. And then we'll both feel awkward.