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“Nobody had seen a thing but that didn't stop everyone talking. You didn't have to witness something to gossip to someone else about it.”
Stuart Bone, Reflections
“Maureen is a sweet lady."

"Who's completely out of her depth as matron here. I don't know how she passed her nursing exams let alone become the head honcho. She almost killed me not long after I arrived here."

"You're exaggerating."

"I am not," Dora said, indignantly, "Moron shoved one of my suppositories down my throat at medicine time. I nearly choked to death. She was too busy concentrating on getting an aspirin up my arse to notice me turning blue.”
Stuart Bone, Long Shadows
“There was a steady throng of people in the market square now and a distinct buzz in the air with the sound of excited chatter alongside the clamour of heels on cobbles and the raised voices of the stallholders advertising their wares. Upon entering we bumped straight into Josie.

"All on your own?" Angela asked her.

"I've left Sooz looking round the antiques shops," Josie said, "I went in the first one with her but that was enough for me. I'm not into knick-knacks like she is. I much prefer a good book."

"Something classical," I suggested.

"Oh yes, definitely," Josie replied, "I love the classics. I did have a look at the ones on sale in the shop."

"But nothing took your fancy?"

"Not really. I was fingering 'Howard's End' for a while."

"I bet that brought the colour back to his cheeks," I told her, "We'll see you at the coach later on."

I grabbed Angela's arm and we walked off before Josie could ask what I meant.”
Stuart Bone, Driven to Distraction
tags: humour
“Charles sold these and several other items before moving onto the next lot.

"Next up is a figurine of a rhino in amber-coloured glass, maker unknown but definitely of the art deco period. Where is it? Oh it's up here. I'll pass it down to you Angela, my dear. That's right, let me give you the horn."

Laughter ran through the crowd but Charles didn't understand why. He did his best to carry on but the mood of the audience had turned playful.

"Lot forty-seven is a beautiful pair of French, silver and cut-glass claret jugs."

Angela held them up carefully.

"These really are exquisite and well worth a good look," Charles continued, "Now, can everyone see Angela's jugs?"

The crowd laughed out loud again. Angela stood there, feeling her face turning red with embarrassment.”
Stuart Bone, Long Shadows

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Driven to Distraction Driven to Distraction
355 ratings
Long Shadows Long Shadows
113 ratings
Nothing Ventured Nothing Ventured
159 ratings
Reflections Reflections
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