Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81. Quotes

“Coaching is the only thing where the more someone else practices, the better you get. That’s my kind of hard work.
People always ask me, "Jarod, how come you don't have a Guinness World Record for getting others to do what you aren't capable of doing?"
I tell them I don't worry about awards, because I'm a buy-my-own-trophies kind of guy.
Plus, I'm too busy being the greatest duck farmer in history.
Then I give them the customer service number to call at Guinness, because that's a good question that demands to be answered.”
― Jarod Kintz, Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“Every time a duck talks to you, it says, "Quack." That's a species so advanced it has reduced the complexity of communication down to a one-word language.”
― Jarod Kintz, Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“Have you ever noticed that neither cats nor dogs ever laugh? I used to think I was doing something wrong, that maybe I needed to start telling better jokes. But no, all I needed to do was get a different audience. That's when I discovered ducks.”
― Jarod Kintz, Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“You and I don’t even have to speak to communicate. Body language is wordless telepathy. Collectively, ducks are The William Wordsworth of unwritten and unspoken poetry, so what are words really worth?”
― Jarod Kintz, Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“I wrote a duck dictionary. It's got one word in it that's defined—the word Quack. However, it's as thick as a normal dictionary, because that one word means everything.”
― Jarod Kintz, Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“Ducks communicate by quacking. Though it sounds like they are endlessly repeating themselves, what if their language functions at such a high cognitive level that it's so efficient that it reduces all thoughts down to one word, without the possibility of being misunderstood?”
― Jarod Kintz, Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“Mold won’t grow on McDonald’s. So, if a lifeform with no brain won’t even eat their food, what’s that say about the intellects of McDonald’s customers? BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm caters to more discerning consumers.”
― Jarod Kintz, Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“When you think of stylish fashion designers, you probably think of Tom Ford, Donatella Versace, Giorgio Armani, and BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm. Wait, what? You don't think about the first three?”
― Jarod Kintz, Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“Men make laws to enslave other men, and then men call it FREEDOM. If you want to know about freedom, go watch ducks splashing around in water.”
― Jarod Kintz, Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“People ask me, "Jarod, why haven't you won an NFL Championship by now?" My answer is the same. I reply, "I may not be Mozart, or I might be, who's to say, but if you put me in an elevator, I'm going to make music that fills the space completely, like duck quacks in a can.”
― Jarod Kintz, Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“People think one picture is worth a thousand words. But to a duck, a thousand pictures is worth only one word.”
― Jarod Kintz, Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“You don't need to be a coach to get your ducks to swim. Each is born with the water talents of Michael Phelps, but it's also like they all studied Amelia Earhart's crash course in flying.”
― Jarod Kintz, Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“Who would win The World Flying Championship, a helicopter or a duck? If both go down over water, there would be only one victor.”
― Jarod Kintz, Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“If you ask most little boys what they want to be when they grow up, they say things like fireman, elite esports athlete, or brothel manager. But not me. I wanted something sexy. I wanted to be a duck farmer.”
― Jarod Kintz, Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“We all like to think of ourselves as lions, fierce and ferocious, but is that really the case? Most of us are actually ducks, defenseless and helpless, and too dumb to realize the only reason we don’t get devoured is because we are under God’s protection.”
― Jarod Kintz, Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“People always ask me, "Jarod, why haven't you won an NFL Championship by now?" My answer is the same. I reply, "I may not be Mozart, or I might be, who's to say, but if you put me in an elevator, I'm going to make music that fills the space completely, like duck quacks in a can.”
― Jarod Kintz, Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“You don't have to be a prophet or a psychic to see the future. All you have to be is an average observer and notice bare grocery shelves to know food shortages are coming. When you're hungry, you think of your favorite restaurant. But when you're starving, I hope you think of BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm.”
― Jarod Kintz, Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“If you're not too busy making money for The Bankers for FREE, would you mind if I used your body to power BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm? As far as batteries go, you're the second most interesting one I've ever met.”
― Jarod Kintz, Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“My friend just told me he now has a dozen and a half ducks. I replied, "That's interesting that you have 12.5 ducks. I'd like to see the half-duck." I wonder if it's half vertical or half horizontal.”
― Jarod Kintz, Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“One time I got beat up by a post-duck. That pillow hit hard.”
― Jarod Kintz, Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“I just pooped out a duck pond. The guy in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom was probably thinking, "What's with all the quacking?”
― Jarod Kintz, Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“I told my ducks that The Great Library of Alexandria was torched by arsonists in 275 AD, and their only response was, "Quack." They weren't upset, not because they don't read, but because they probably realized the building was burnt after all the books were secreted away.”
― Jarod Kintz, Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm is the anti-Metaverse. Why live in a fake world, when a real one already exists? Bill Gates talks about The Metaverse to obscure the fact that (s)he is now America's largest farm holder. The Fake is for YOU, while (s)he wants The Real.”
― Jarod Kintz, Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“What is the most valuable thing in the world? Nothing, because who is able to acquire nothing? Not getting nothing is getting it, and once you get it you don't have it anymore. I learned this from a duck while watching it try to fly and swim at the same time.”
― Jarod Kintz, Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“Ducks make the best soup. Campbell’s used to, but Joseph A. Campbell died on March 27th, 1900, and the FoodDrink that comes in their cans now tastes like a cemetery.”
― Jarod Kintz, Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm has just named YOU The Sexiest Person of The Year. For ONLY $19.95, we’ll send you a commemorative trophy.”
― Jarod Kintz, Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“I would rather fly on a Pekin duck than in a helicopter. The safest place for a rotor aircraft is on a page in da Vinci's diary.”
― Jarod Kintz, Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

“Da Vinci sketched out the design for a helicopter over 500 years ago. Today, that makes those flying machines as impressive as a Pekin duck wildly flapping its wings and soaring through the skies at a height of just over four feet.”
― Jarod Kintz, Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.