Set Boundaries, Find Peace Quotes

“It’s important to consider how people might respond, but don’t get too fixated on their possible reactions.
Common responses to boundaries:
1. Pushback
2. Limit testing
3. Ignoring
4. Rationalising and questioning
5. Defensiveness
6. Ghosting
7. Silent treatment
8. Acceptance
It’s typical for people to be resistant to changes in a relationship. It can be confusing at first. However, if someone respects you, they will respect these changes.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“Whenever you identify a boundaries you’d like to set, remember that there are two steps to the process: communication and action.
Verbally communicating your needs is step one. People cannot accurately assume your boundaries based on your body language or unspoken expectations. When you explicitly state what you expect, there is little room for others to misinterpret what works for you. Assertive statements are the most effective way to do this.
The process doesn’t end with communication. You must uphold what you communicate through your behaviour. Betting on the other person to read your mind is a recipe for an unhealthy relationship. Action is required. For instance, let’s say you’ve told your friend, “It’s important to me that you honor plans that we set up. If you need to change our plans, please me a text a few hours before.” Because you’ve verbally communicated your boundary, when it’s violated, you need to reinforce it with action. In this case, you would let your friend know that you can’t accommodate the changed plans because they didn’t give you enough notice. You might say gently, “I want to hang out with you, but my schedule won’t allow for the adjustment. Let’s set up a time to get together next week.” It’s hard, I know. But honouring your boundaries through action is the only way most people will understand you’re serious, which will help people in your life become serious about your boundaries, too.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“Healthy boundaries are possible when your past doesn’t show up in your present interactions. They require an awareness of your emotional, mental, physical capacities, combined with clear communication.
Healthy boundaries look like:
• Being clear about your values
• Listening to your own opinion
• Sharing with others appropriately
• Having a healthy vulnerability with people who’ve earned your trust
• Being comfortable saying no
• Being comfortable hearing no without taking it personally”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“At the other extreme, rigid boundaries involve building walls to keep others out as a way to keep yourself safe. But staying safe by locking yourself in is unhealthy and leads to a whole other set of problems. Whereas porous boundaries lead to unhealthy closeness (enmeshment), rigid ones are self-protective mechanism meant to build distance. This typically comes from fear of vulnerability or a history of being taken advantage of. People with rigid boundaries do not allow exceptions to their stringent rules even when it would be healthy for them to do so.
Rigid boundaries look like:
• Never sharing
• Building walls
• Avoiding vulnerability
• Cutting people out
• Having high expectations of others
• Enforcing strict rules”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“Porous boundaries are weak or poorly expressed and unintentionally harmful. They lead to feeling depleted, overextending yourself, depression, anxiety, and unhealthy relationship dynamics.
Porous boundaries look like:
• Oversharing
• Codependency
• Enmeshment (lacking emotional separation between you and another person)
• Inability to say no
• People-pleasing
• Dependency on feedback from others
• Paralysing fear of being rejected
• Accepting mistreatment”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“Our family histories and personalities determine how we implement and accept boundaries. If your family operates on unspoken limits or regularly ignores limits, you will probably grow up lacking the communication skills necessary to be assertive about your needs.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“Estirar bien (dos minutos). • Meditar o sentarse en silencio (dos minutos). • Leer algún texto inspirador (dos minutos). • Escribir sus pensamientos o algo por lo que quisiera dar las gracias (dos o tres minutos). • Recitar una afirmación o intención positiva para el día (un minuto).”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Cuestión de límites (Autoconocimiento)

“Boundaries are assertive steps that you take verbally and behaviorally to create a peaceful life.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“When we passive-aggressively set boundaries, we say something indirectly to the other person, or we speak to someone who isn’t in a position to resolve the issue.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“Unspoken boundaries are invisible, and they often sound like “They should’ve known better” or “Common sense would say . . .” Common sense is based on our own life experiences, however, and it isn’t the same for everyone. That’s why it’s essential to communicate and not assume that people are aware of our expectations in relationships. We must inform others of our limits and take responsibility for upholding them.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“Healthy boundaries are possible when your past doesn’t show up in your present interactions.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“The root of self-care is setting boundaries.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“If you want to feel guilty, set a limit with your family.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“Los límites no son de sentido común; hay que enseñarlos. En el trabajo, los transmiten el departamento de recursos humanos, la cultura laboral y los jefes. Cuando alguien tiene miedo a perder el trabajo, sin embargo, cuesta mucho implementar límites.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Cuestión de límites (Edición mexicana)

“El miedo no se basa en los hechos. El miedo se basa en los pensamientos negativos y en las tramas que nos inventamos en nuestras cabezas.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Cuestión de límites (Edición mexicana)

“Erica had to create realistic expectations for her role as a mother, which meant setting healthy boundaries.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“Your father is verbally aggressive. He says you caused him to become angry because you didn’t listen to him. After the verbal attacks, he becomes affectionate and buys you small gifts.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“Boundaries grow and expand over time as our needs change.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“The bottom line is that you don’t have to have relationships with types of people you don’t like. Doing so is a choice. At least to some degree, you can curate and create the types of relationships you want by adhering to boundaries that will make your life easier.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“When domestic violence is present in a relationship, telling friends or family about the abuse can seem like a betrayal to your partner. You might be aware that your partner’s behavior is inappropriate, but you still may not be ready to leave. Telling someone could prompt others to push you to act.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“In a toxic work environment, your emotional and mental health status is put in jeopardy.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“Identify your expectations,”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“It’s vital not to take ownership of how others treat you or to make excuses for their behavior. How they treat you is about who they are, not who you are.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“Avoidance is a passive-aggressive way of expressing that you are tired of showing up.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“No one can do it all. Believing we can leads to burnout.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“When you’re unable to leave work at the office, disconnect on vacation, or shut off from work at a certain hour, you ignore your own boundaries at the expense of your well-being and often the well-being of your family.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“People who exhibit strong signs of being disagreeable, such as always having to be right, arguing over small details, or struggling to accept differences in others, are more likely to push back against boundaries.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“help.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“Pushback is a manifestation of the fear that things will be different, of being pushed out of the comfort zone. Even though “different” doesn’t mean bad, some people will struggle to deal with new terms in the relationship.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“It’s not my job to save people. It’s not my job to fix people. I can help people, but I can’t fix them.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself