Set Boundaries, Find Peace Quotes

“Unhealthy friendships happen as a result of unhealthy boundaries.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“Boundary issues also come from putting way too many unspoken expectations on the other person. When it comes to love, for some reason we all want our partner to read our minds and know everything we want without having to ask. But this is an impossible expectation!”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“When people respond in an unhealthy way, it’s typically a sign that you needed limits a long time ago and that you need to reevaluate the relationship to assess whether your needs are being met satisfactorily.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“If you don’t receive a response, remind yourself that their reaction was not about you. It was about their interpretation of the situation.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“Say something in the moment or soon after. Don’t let issues fester for days, weeks, or months. Know your audience. If you can’t talk in person, text or email your thoughts. Truly, some conversations are best had in person. But when you feel you won’t be able to set the boundary face-to-face, set it by any means necessary.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“Don’t talk about old issues with this person while stating your boundary. Use “feeling” words, such as “When you ____, I feel ____.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“Defensive people aren’t listening while you’re talking; they’re personalizing what you say and crafting a response. Their response has much more to do with them than it does with you. They are focused only on getting their needs met and resisting any change in your dynamic.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“Defensively, people will turn the issue on you because they don’t want to be at fault.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“How to Handle Rationalizing or Questioning Be careful not to explain yourself. Keep your response short by saying something like “This is what’s healthy for me.” Saying too much will put you in a back-and-forth negotiation.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“it isn’t helpful to say you’re sorry about setting a boundary.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“Stress the importance of the change moving forward. “I need this in future situations as well.” React to ignoring immediately after you notice the issue. If not, the boundary will disappear.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“Ignoring boundaries looks like Doing what they want despite your boundary Acting as if your boundary was misunderstood”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“Assertively, Kim could state, “I mentioned two days ago that I wouldn’t be able to help you move.” If she’s too scared to restate her boundary, she’ll likely end up helping her friend move, and her friend will likely ignore the next one Kim tries to set.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“boundaries should be respected. When people ignore our requests, resentment builds. Over time, this erodes respect in the relationship.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“How to Handle Limit Testing Be clear about the behavior you notice. Name it: “You are testing my limits.” Express how testing your boundaries makes you feel. “When”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“Kim tells her friend, “I can’t help you move.” Kim’s friend then says, “Well, what about next week?” Her friend is trying to see if Kim has any flexibility. If Kim says, “Okay, next week,” she is sending a clear message to her friend that the boundary is flexible. Limit testing sounds like “I don’t have to listen to you.” “I’ll check with you again to see if you can help.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“Communication Verbally communicating your needs is step one. People cannot accurately assume your boundaries based on your body language or unspoken expectations. When you explicitly state what you expect, there is little room for others to misinterpret what works for you. Assertive statements are the most effective way to do this.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“Whenever you identify a boundary you’d like to set, remember that there are two steps to the process: communication and action.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“Understanding Boundaries Creating healthy boundaries leads to feeling safe, loved, calm, and respected.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“Resentment Feeling taken advantage of, frustrated, irritated, annoyed, and bitter is the result of the resentment we feel when we don’t set limits. Being resentful impacts the way we deal with people. It doesn’t allow us to be our best selves in our relationships. It breeds conflict. It makes us paranoid. It puts up a wall. Long-term resentment affects how we perceive the intentions of others.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“Feeling taken advantage of, frustrated, irritated, annoyed, and bitter is the result of the resentment we feel when we don’t set limits. Being resentful impacts the way we deal with people. It doesn’t allow us to be our best selves in our relationships. It breeds conflict. It makes us paranoid. It puts up a wall. Long-term resentment affects how we perceive the intentions of others.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“Paying attention to your needs is self-care. And like putting on the oxygen mask, you’ll have more energy for others if you apply it to yourself first. If you think about it, the root of self-care is setting boundaries: it’s saying no to something in order to say yes to your own emotional, physical, and mental well-being.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“We’ve all heard the analogy from airplane-safety language: “Put on your oxygen mask first before helping others.” Simple, right? Nope. Neglecting self-care is the first thing to happen when we get caught up in our desire to help others.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“As a therapist, I observe poor self-care, feelings of being overwhelmed, resentment, avoidance, and other mental health issues as common presentations of boundary issues.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“number one reason that people avoid setting boundaries: fear of someone getting mad at them.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“The moment that I let up on setting perimeters, my old problems resurface.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“Avoiding a discussion of our expectations doesn’t prevent conflict. It prolongs the inevitable task of setting boundaries.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“Setting boundaries is not a betrayal of your family, friends, partner, work, or anyone or anything else. Not setting them, however, is a betrayal of yourself. Don’t betray yourself to please others.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“Growing up in a dysfunctional family may make us feel shame. The shame leads to low self-esteem and people-pleasing. For people who have experienced trauma, the hardest part of living with it is the vulnerability of sharing the story with other people. We fear that if we are vulnerable, people will Think less of us Hurt us again Minimize our trauma Think we’re weak Judge us”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“Others learn a lot about you from watching how you treat yourself. People can sense your lack of self-esteem or neediness based on how you talk to yourself, talk about yourself, and treat yourself behaviorally. Be kind to yourself, because the people in your life are watching.”
― Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself