Rules of Engagement Quotes

“Don’t let the worst things that happen to you be the benchmark for your self-respect.”
― J.T. Geissinger, Rules of Engagement

“I hate to break it to you, Egozilla, but God isn’t like Tinkerbell. He doesn’t need you to believe in him to exist. Now get your cantankerous behind out of this car and follow me.”
― J.T. Geissinger, Rules of Engagement

“Sometimes my mind gets the best of me and fixates on how many shitloads are in a fuckton, but these are the kind of things my therapist sighs quietly at when I mention and looks down at her hands like she’s lost all hope of being useful to society, so I’ve never gotten a solid answer to that.”
― J.T. Geissinger, Rules of Engagement

“You’ve both got a lot of broken pieces. But if you give it a chance, you might find that all your broken pieces fit together perfectly to make a beautiful whole.”
― J.T. Geissinger, Rules of Engagement

“This kiss is a gold medal winner, a heart breaker, a soul stealer, a dream. This kiss is everything I never knew I needed. This is the kiss that will ruin me, I know it is, but because it’s so brain-meltingly decadent, I don’t care. I’ll worry about my ruination later.”
― J.T. Geissinger, Rules of Engagement

“Don’t let the worst things that happen to you be the benchmark for your self-respect. Don’t give bad people the power to hurt you again by believing you deserved what they did in the first place.”
― J.T. Geissinger, Rules of Engagement

“Okay, superstar. Here’s three words for you. You ready?”
I adopt a serious face, though my heart is hammering. “I’m ready.”
Looking into my eyes, she says calmly, “Let’s get married.”
I almost topple over onto the floor. “What?”
“You don’t have to shout at me. You did ask for three words, after all.”
I’m so astonished I almost can’t from a sentence. “B-but I thought… I meant… I love you!”
She smiles serenely at me. “I know you do, Mason. I love you, too. So much.”
“No—I meant I thought you were going to say I love you!”
“I know you did, honey, but I figured unless I popped the question first, you’d carry that big pink diamond around for who knows how long before you got around to asking me, so…” She shrugs. “Here we are.”
My jaw hangs open. “You know about the ring?”
Waldine throws herself onto one of the sofas, props her feet up on the arm, folds her arms behind her head, and grins at me.
“Son, half of Atlanta knows about the ring. You think you could sneak into a jewelry shop and plunk down millions on a piece of ice in that town and nobody would hear about it? Psh.”
― J.T. Geissinger, Rules of Engagement

“The same can’t be said for my new client, who appears to have an angry goth porcupine nesting on top of his cranium. “Bed head” doesn’t even begin to cover it. It looks like his preferred hair styling method is sticking his head into a blender and setting it to puree.”
― J.T. Geissinger, Rules of Engagement

“His voice grows softer. “Be the man you think would deserve her.”
― J.T. Geissinger, Rules of Engagement

“Sounding panicked, he says, “But where would I live?” “You say that like there are zero options between here and a cardboard box.” “Name one.” “There’s a house for sale at the end of my block.” That astonishes him so much it leaves him speechless. “You’re right,” I say solemnly. “It’s only a three-bedroom. There’s not enough space for both you and your ego.” He looks away. “I’m just surprised you’d want me living on the same street as you.” “Are you kidding? Imagine how much fun we could have screaming obscenities at each other over the backyard fences. The neighbors would love”
― J.T. Geissinger, Rules of Engagement

“She hiccups, then claps the other hand over her mouth. Pretending to be stern, I say, “If you fart next, you’re so fired. Get in the car, gasbag.”
― J.T. Geissinger, Rules of Engagement

“In a calm tone, I say, “A gentleman escorts a lady to the car and helps her in before he gets in himself.” When he opens his mouth, I cut him off before he can shout some kind of obscenity at me. “I realize this isn’t a date. However, as your dating coach, it behooves me to point out that any woman of quality won’t be charmed by your expectation that she tag along behind you like a dog. Let’s start over, shall we?”
― J.T. Geissinger, Rules of Engagement

“I say politely but firmly, “Perhaps I’m not making myself clear. I’m a businesswoman. Not a mercenary. And I’m certainly not running an escort service.”
― J.T. Geissinger, Rules of Engagement

“Slouched in his chair with thunderclouds boiling over his head, Mason glares back at me from under lowered brows. It’s too bad the man has the personality of a chupacabra,”
― J.T. Geissinger, Rules of Engagement

“I fold my hands in my lap and smile, because Southern girls don’t need a gun to shoot you dead. “Unfortunately, Dick, the Bride of Frankenstein was already taken.” From the corner of my eye, I see Mason’s lips twitch.”
― J.T. Geissinger, Rules of Engagement

“Settled equals married. Shoot me. “I don’t wanna get married.” “Boo frickin’ hoo.” I grouse, “You know, this is very dehumanizing. I’m not some slab of beef with no feelings.” Dick hoots with laughter. The asshole.”
― J.T. Geissinger, Rules of Engagement

“Some people make their children the center of their universe. But in my parent’s case, they were the sun and we were the planets that revolved around them. They were complete unto themselves. Even if we’d never been born, nothing would have been missing from their world. We were a welcome addition, but not a necessary one.”
― J.T. Geissinger, Rules of Engagement

“Money itself isn’t good or bad. It’s what you do with it that matters.”
― J.T. Geissinger, Rules of Engagement

“You can’t change the past, but the future’s up to you. So make it a better one. Write yourself a new story.” “But how?” His voice grows softer. “Be the man you think would deserve her.”
― J.T. Geissinger, Rules of Engagement

“A gentleman is a wolf, just a patient one. Having manners doesn’t mean you’re neutered, it simply means you’ve mastered your inner animal. It means you choose when to let him off the leash.”
― J.T. Geissinger, Rules of Engagement

“I’m a simple girl, and I certainly don’t claim to have any special insight on life. But there’s one thing I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, and that is that love is the only thing you gain more of by giving it. Until you learn to open your heart, you’ll always be as lonely as you are now.”
― J.T. Geissinger, Rules of Engagement

“I fold my hands in my lap and smile, because Southern girls don’t need a gun to shoot you dead.”
― J.T. Geissinger, Rules of Engagement

“My mistake was presenting lovely, intelligent, gracious single women who desired to meet equally lovely, intelligent, gracious single men. What Mason Spark needs is a lady gorilla.”
― J.T. Geissinger, Rules of Engagement

“I feel that smile all the way down to the darkest corner of my soul, the place where light never shines and I keep all the monsters hidden under lock and key. She smiles with her whole body. With her whole being, like she’s a conductor of light itself and all that’s good and pure in the universe is being channeled through her on its way to me, where it surrounds me and bathes me in golden rays of sunshine, so warm and sweet I could almost cry.”
― J.T. Geissinger, Rules of Engagement

“Because Dick is nervous, I start to get nervous, too. Empathy is one of the many things I hate about myself. If I could just block everyone else’s feelings out, life would be so much easier. But I’m like an emotional sponge. All that shit sinks into me. Which is one of the reasons I drink so much. Alcohol helps me stay numb.”
― J.T. Geissinger, Rules of Engagement

“Don’t let the worst things that happen to you be the benchmark for your self-respect. Don’t give bad people the power to hurt you again by believing you deserved what they did in the first place. You didn’t deserve it. You were just a kid. Life can be horrible sometimes, but it only has to stay horrible if you let it.”
― J.T. Geissinger, Rules of Engagement

“She thought it was the color of her aura. At least that’s what she always said. Her and Auntie Waldine were always going on about things like that. Auras and chakras and astrological charts. I once asked them where church fit in with all their mystical practices, and they said God was an idea that meant different things to different people, but the bottom line was positivity and love. They didn’t see religion as being at odds with any of their other beliefs, since the point of all of it was to elevate the spirit.”
― J.T. Geissinger, Rules of Engagement

“Every woman is too good for every man, idiot. You just have to find one that doesn’t lord it over you too much.”
― J.T. Geissinger, Rules of Engagement

“Our new uniforms were supposed to be navy and white. What color would you say this is, son?”
Well, I wanted a sign.
Here it is.
I start to laugh and can’t stop, not even when Coach starts hollering. I laugh until tears are in my eyes, then I stand and go for a closer look at the new uniforms, which are vibrantly, totally, and quite undeniably the color of unconditional love.
Pink.”
― J.T. Geissinger, Rules of Engagement

“Everyone deserves a happily-ever-after, especially people who don’t believe in them.”
― J.T. Geissinger, Rules of Engagement