Pizza Girl Quotes

“I think some people are just born broken. I think about life as one big Laundromat and some people just have one little bag to do—it’ll only take them a quick cycle to get through—but others, they have bags and bags of it, and it’s just so much that it’s overwhelming to even think about starting. Is there even enough laundry detergent to get everything clean?”
― Jean Kyoung Frazier, Pizza Girl

“I realized how avoidance was the most attention you could give something”
― Jean Kyoung Frazier, Pizza Girl

“Did she still miss me sometimes like I missed her—missing that had no electricity, no lightning, or thunder, a missing like a hand digging into an empty chip bag searching for crumbs, any last salty bit, a missing more like mourning.”
― Jean Kyoung Frazier, Pizza Girl

“The man was probably Jesus and he was probably praying, but I chose to ignore those things—you didn’t have to be religious to love the sun and the way it felt against your skin, to have a moment so beautiful and pure that it brought you to your knees.”
― Jean Kyoung Frazier, Pizza Girl

“I would have found something else to lose myself in. If you were pushed off a cliff, you’d grab hold of anything resembling safety.”
― Jean Kyoung Frazier, Pizza Girl

“But like when you’re in a people-packed space and there’s not a single face that looks at you for longer than a second—it’s not invisibility, it’s worse, they see you, they just have already decided in that second that there’s nothing about you that’s worth knowing, that kind of small. I”
― Jean Kyoung Frazier, Pizza Girl

“I've been to so many places and not a single one has saved me.”
― Jean Kyoung Frazier, Pizza Girl

“As I lay in bed every night it felt like an invisible hippo was sitting on my chest, and I couldn’t help but think: I am wasting my life.”
― Jean Kyoung Frazier, Pizza Girl

“Soon, you'll have your own beautiful boy or girl who will look at you with their perfect little face and you'll feel love and hope and, mostly, you'll feel the weight of everything that's ever happened to you and everything that will ever happen to them and you'll want to run.”
― Jean Kyoung Frazier, Pizza Girl

“My head’s a mess. Everywhere I go, I seem to find a way to trap myself. Most days, I can ignore it, but like anything you leave open and forgotten, it begins to rot. There are just too many thoughts, memories. I can’t look at anything and not think of something else.”
― Jean Kyoung Frazier, Pizza Girl

“Han was a sickness of the soul, an acceptance of having a life that would be filled with sorrow and resentment and knowing that deep down, despite this acceptance, despite cold and hard facts that proved life was long and full of undeserved miseries, “hope” was still a word that carried warmth and meaning.”
― Jean Kyoung Frazier, Pizza Girl

“I wanted to be the type of person that walked with their back straight, the dirt under their fingernails pure. I didn't want to be a chain saw, I wanted to be a plastic baggie. No shredding, just holding.”
― Jean Kyoung Frazier, Pizza Girl

“He had his problems,” she said, “there’s no denying that. But none of that is your fault and nothing is decided. It’s up to you to be more than him.”
― Jean Kyoung Frazier, Pizza Girl

“Well, what do you like doing?” This was the most painful question he could ask, maybe because I knew how I would answer it—I liked eating cereal early in the morning on the front steps of the house, seeing how sure and confident Mom’s hands moved when she folded laundry, watching TV on mute while I listened to my iPod, reading under trees and watching sunlight leak through the leaves above and cast strange patterns on my skin and the pages, pulling off my jeans the minute I got home, Gummy Bears, I liked after we fucked, when we just lay in each other’s arms, not speaking—none of these answers were what he was looking for. I never applied to any colleges, never was able to answer the question of my future purpose”
― Jean Kyoung Frazier, Pizza Girl

“Because you know what I’ve learned, no matter how long I wait? That I will never be someone that is effortlessly good, it’ll always be hard work for me, and I’m not that strong.”
― Jean Kyoung Frazier, Pizza Girl

“I lied often. It was just simpler that way. As a little kid, I remember being told repeatedly that lying was bad, lying never fixed anything, Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves and never lied. But no one ever told me how wonderful and easy it was to lie, how many conversations it would save me from and the stares it would avert—“Yeah, I’m fine!” “What? No, I’m not mad!” “Don’t worry, it’s okay!”—and did Abraham Lincoln really never, ever lie? In bed at night during the Civil War, did he toss and turn and soak his sheets with sweat and eventually wake Mary Todd to tell her, “Hold me, I’m scared, I think I fucked up,” or did he lie awake and sweat quietly, working his hardest to remain still, to keep his mouth shut, to let Mary Todd sleep soundly and unaware?”
― Jean Kyoung Frazier, Pizza Girl

“Because the reality is, I’ve been to so many places and not a single one has saved me. And I need Los Angeles to save me. I need this place to work this time.”
― Jean Kyoung Frazier, Pizza Girl

“There was a plane in the sky and I was trying to guess how many people were inside it. I pictured every seat, every person, and I wondered about their names, ages, jobs, what they were listening to on their iPods, where they were coming from, who they were going home to. I hoped they all had someone waiting for them at the airport who’d smile at them the second they walked into Baggage Claim, who’d hug them and tell them they missed them and”
― Jean Kyoung Frazier, Pizza Girl

“What do you mean, you never have a chance to talk to me? We see each other all the time.” I patted the bed. “We live together.” “Yeah, exactly. And that’s about it.” He was off the bed now, pacing, scratching the side of his neck, like he always did when he was nervous. “We see each other all the time, but we never talk. The little we do is about nothing; I mention the baby, our baby, and you turn to stone.” Billy stopped pacing and looked away from me to a point above my head, a blank wall—my room had no decorations. “I’m so lonely.”
― Jean Kyoung Frazier, Pizza Girl

“Maybe if I had kept going to those meetings I would’ve learned all the answers to all the questions I had. Like: Where am I going and how do I get there? What have I done and what will I continue to do? Will I ever wake up and look in the mirror and feel good about the person staring back at me?”
― Jean Kyoung Frazier, Pizza Girl

“People will always love telling you how you’re supposed to be feeling and it will always make you feel less than when you don’t feel it. I’m sorry if I was being one of those people.” She shook her head. “How old are you?” “Eighteen.” “I’ll tell you what I wish someone told me when I was eighteen—it never goes away.” “What is ‘it,’ exactly?” “All of it, any of it, just it.”
― Jean Kyoung Frazier, Pizza Girl

“Her name was Jenny Hauser and every Wednesday I put pickles on her pizza.”
― Jean Kyoung Frazier, Pizza Girl

“I began to picture the world without me in it.”
― Jean Kyoung Frazier, Pizza Girl

“Dad had often been heard arguing with people who said the neighborhood was shit. He’d often repeat himself: “It’s called Character Building. If I didn’t get knocked around every now and then, I wouldn’t be who I am today.” “It’s called Natural Selection. If you’re dumb enough to leave your shit out, it should be stolen.” “It’s called Being Proactive. If you don’t like trash, bend down and pick it up.” “It’s called Shutting the Fuck Up. If you don’t like it, move somewhere else.” I’d never hop onto his side of an argument, holler and spit in people’s faces, but I didn’t mind where we lived either.”
― Jean Kyoung Frazier, Pizza Girl

“How’s it going, girl?” Rita smiled at me, was immediately distracted by Louie nibbling on her ear. He gave me a quick grin, a wink. I knew she didn’t need an answer, so I just smiled back. “That’ll be $19.99.” Louie pulled a wad of bills out of his shorts and handed me a twenty plus a solid tip as Rita fixed her attention on his neck. They laughed and ran their hands over each other’s bodies, searching, mapping, squeezing spots that spoke to them. I normally didn’t break through their haze, just took the money and walked back to my car, but that day I had to know—“How do you guys stay so happy?” They turned to me and their cheeks had a lovely rosy flush, and if I’d had a camera I would’ve snapped a picture of them right there. Once I got home, I would’ve stared at the photo and pulled out a set of paints, mixed until I got the exact color of their cheeks. Louie shook the box in his one hand and played with the collar of Rita’s shirt with the other. “Pizza and sex seems to help.” “Seriously, though,” I said. “I mean, we’re being pretty serious.” Rita looked at Louie, a stone-melting look. “Like, yeah, pizza and sex is not all it is, but when you’re with someone that you love—like, really love—you work through whatever shit that’s managed to stick to you over the years, and when you want to punch walls, or rip out your hair, or if you feel like if you opened your mouth only screams would come out, you remember those pizza-and-sex days.”
― Jean Kyoung Frazier, Pizza Girl

“The doctor standing above me was an old man with hair coming out of his nose and ears....His name tag literally read Dr. Oldman and I would've laughed if I hadn't been lying on my back, shirt up, sweaty and alone.”
― Jean Kyoung Frazier, Pizza Girl

“But some days, I don't even make it an hour. I get out of bed, go downstairs, and I need to pour myself a drink, Because you know what I've learned, no matter how long I wait? That I will never be someone that is effortlessly good, it'll always be hard work for me, and I'm not that strong.”
― Jean Kyoung Frazier, Pizza Girl

“Hit me, I can't have this conversation, hit me, please, anything other than this.”
― Jean Kyoung Frazier, Pizza Girl

“It wasn't that I had trouble saying no. It was just that sometimes saying no wouldn't solve anything and would lead to longer conversations, ones that I wasn't prepared to have.”
― Jean Kyoung Frazier, Pizza Girl

“I watched Billy's back as he undressed for bed. I knew I wanted to start a fight. I also knew that I hated fighting, hated how ugly I felt and how I was sure I looked when I screamed.”
― Jean Kyoung Frazier, Pizza Girl