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The Friend Zone Quotes
The Friend Zone
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Abby Jimenez423,807 ratings, 3.90 average rating, 41,800 reviews
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The Friend Zone Quotes
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“I am not drunk. I’m just talking in cursive”
― The Friend Zone
― The Friend Zone
“Do you ever see yourself acting crazy, but you can’t stop because you’re not a quitter?”
― The Friend Zone
― The Friend Zone
“I’d found my person.
She was the foundation. She was the thing that all other things are built on. Everything was secondary to being with her. It didn’t matter where I worked or if I liked my job, where I lived or how many kids I had. My happiness, my sanity, my well-being – it all started with her. And now that I knew that, I didn’t want to just be her boyfriend – I wanted everything.”
― The Friend Zone
She was the foundation. She was the thing that all other things are built on. Everything was secondary to being with her. It didn’t matter where I worked or if I liked my job, where I lived or how many kids I had. My happiness, my sanity, my well-being – it all started with her. And now that I knew that, I didn’t want to just be her boyfriend – I wanted everything.”
― The Friend Zone
“I already know how I'm going to die"..."How?" I asked. "Spider bite. Or being sarcastic at the wrong time.”
― The Friend Zone
― The Friend Zone
“I’m a woman. I can go into a bar penniless wearing sweats and a questionable rash and come out with leftovers and a buzz.”
― The Friend Zone
― The Friend Zone
“I'll orbit around you and be your universe, because you've always been my sun.”
― The Friend Zone
― The Friend Zone
“It’s just that you’re perfect, and my heart hurts.”
― The Friend Zone
― The Friend Zone
“I’d never met a woman like you before. You told me to go to hell and made me look forward to the trip.”
― The Friend Zone
― The Friend Zone
“My granddad used to always say, ‘Even duct tape can’t fix stupid,’” I said, putting my straw in my mouth.
“Hmm. No. But it can muffle the sound.”
― The Friend Zone
“Hmm. No. But it can muffle the sound.”
― The Friend Zone
“You know what I think the trick to dealing with family is? I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately.”
“What?” I said, spreading strawberry jam on my toast.
“Marrying your best friend.” He wiped his mouth with a napkin. “You marry your best friend, and at family gatherings you deal with your shitty relatives together. You laugh about it and have each other’s backs. Share looks and text each other from across the room when everyone else is being an asshole. And nobody else really matters because you have your own universe.”
He held my eyes for a moment. “That’s what I want. I want someone to be my universe.”
He’d have no problem finding that. No problem at all. Josh could have any woman he wanted. After all, he was the sun. Warm and vital. He would be the center of a big family one day, just like he wanted, and they’d all adore him.
And I was just some passing comet. Momentarily distracting. Useless and unimportant. I was nice to look at, fun to observe, but I’d never give life or be the center of anything.
I’d streak through and be gone, and Josh would forget me before we knew it.”
― The Friend Zone
“What?” I said, spreading strawberry jam on my toast.
“Marrying your best friend.” He wiped his mouth with a napkin. “You marry your best friend, and at family gatherings you deal with your shitty relatives together. You laugh about it and have each other’s backs. Share looks and text each other from across the room when everyone else is being an asshole. And nobody else really matters because you have your own universe.”
He held my eyes for a moment. “That’s what I want. I want someone to be my universe.”
He’d have no problem finding that. No problem at all. Josh could have any woman he wanted. After all, he was the sun. Warm and vital. He would be the center of a big family one day, just like he wanted, and they’d all adore him.
And I was just some passing comet. Momentarily distracting. Useless and unimportant. I was nice to look at, fun to observe, but I’d never give life or be the center of anything.
I’d streak through and be gone, and Josh would forget me before we knew it.”
― The Friend Zone
“I slipped my arms around his waist, hooking my fingers behind his back, and he held me to him, smiling down at me.
I put my chin to his chest. “I’m only hugging you because those cougars over there have their eye on you,” I lied. “It’s my duty as your friend to protect you from impending cougar attacks.”
He chuckled. “Thanks for clearing that up. I was afraid for a second there you were hugging me for real.”
I would do everything with you. For real.”
― The Friend Zone
I put my chin to his chest. “I’m only hugging you because those cougars over there have their eye on you,” I lied. “It’s my duty as your friend to protect you from impending cougar attacks.”
He chuckled. “Thanks for clearing that up. I was afraid for a second there you were hugging me for real.”
I would do everything with you. For real.”
― The Friend Zone
“Nothing offended me except for cauliflower and stupidity.”
― The Friend Zone
― The Friend Zone
“This was the best date I’d ever been on. And it wasn’t even a date.”
― The Friend Zone
― The Friend Zone
“Okay, Kyle. I’m trying to be a better person these days, so I’m going to tell you to fuck off in the nicest way possible.” I gave him crazy eyes. “Fuck off. Please.”
― The Friend Zone
― The Friend Zone
“A cell phone rang from the end table to my right and Kristen bolted up straight. She put her beer on the coffee table and dove across my lap for her phone, sprawling over me.
My eyes flew wide. I’d never been that close to her before. I’d only ever touched her hand.
If I pushed her down across my knees, I could spank her ass.
She grabbed her phone and whirled off my lap. “It’s Sloan. I’ve been waiting for this call all day.” She put a finger to her lips for me to be quiet, hit the Talk button, and put her on speaker. “Hey, Sloan, what’s up?”
“Did you send me a potato?”
Kristen covered her mouth with her hand and I had to stifle a snort. “Why? Did you get an anonymous potato in the mail?”
“Something is seriously wrong with you,” Sloan said. “Congratulations, he put a ring on it. PotatoParcel.com.” She seemed to be reading a message. “You found a company that mails potatoes with messages on them? Where do you find this stuff?”
Kristen’s eyes danced. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Do you have the other thing though?”
“Yeeeess. The note says to call you before I open it. Why am I afraid?”
Kristen giggled. “Open it now. Is Brandon with you?”
“Yes, he’s with me. He’s shaking his head.”
I could picture his face, that easy smile on his lips.
“Okay, I’m opening it. It looks like a paper towel tube. There’s tape on the—AHHHHHH! Are you kidding me, Kristen?! What the hell!”
Kristen rolled forward, putting her forehead to my shoulder in laughter.
“I’m covered in glitter! You sent me a glitter bomb? Brandon has it all over him! It’s all over the sofa!”
Now I was dying. I covered my mouth, trying to keep quiet, and I leaned into Kristen, who was howling, our bodies shaking with laughter. I must not have been quiet enough though.
“Wait, who’s with you?” Sloan asked.
Kristen wiped at her eyes. “Josh is here.”
“Didn’t he have a date tonight? Brandon told me he had a date.”
“He did, but he came back over after.”
“He came back over?” Her voice changed instantly. “And what are you two doing? Remember what we talked about, Kristen…” Her tone was taunting.
Kristen glanced at me. Sloan didn’t seem to realize she was on speaker. Kristen hit the Talk button and pressed the phone to her ear. “I’ll call you tomorrow. I love you!” She hung up on her and set her phone down on the coffee table, still tittering.
“And what did you two talk about?” I asked, arching an eyebrow.
I liked that she’d talked about me. Liked it a lot.
“Just sexually objectifying you. The usual,” she said, shrugging. “Nothing a hot fireman like you can’t handle.”
A hot fireman like you.I did my best to hide my smirk.
“So do you do this to Sloan a lot?” I asked.
“All the time. I love messing with her. She’s so easily worked up.” She reached for her beer.
I chuckled. “How do you sleep at night knowing she’ll be finding glitter in her couch for the next month?”
She took a swig of her beer. “With the fan on medium.”
My laugh came so hard Stuntman Mike looked up and cocked his head at me.
She changed the channel and stopped on HBO. Some show. There was a scene with rose petals down a hallway into a bedroom full of candles. She shook her head at the TV. “See, I just don’t get why that’s romantic. You want flower petals stuck to your ass? And who’s gonna clean all that shit up? Me? Like, thanks for the flower sex, let’s spend the next half an hour sweeping?”
“Those candles are a huge fire hazard.” I tipped my beer toward the screen.
“Right? And try getting wax out of the carpet. Good luck with that.”
I looked at the side of her face. “So what do you think is romantic?”
“Common sense,” she answered without thinking about it. “My wedding wouldn’t be romantic. It would be entertaining. You know what I want at my wedding?” she said, looking at me. “I want the priest from The Princess Bride. The mawage guy.”
― The Friend Zone
My eyes flew wide. I’d never been that close to her before. I’d only ever touched her hand.
If I pushed her down across my knees, I could spank her ass.
She grabbed her phone and whirled off my lap. “It’s Sloan. I’ve been waiting for this call all day.” She put a finger to her lips for me to be quiet, hit the Talk button, and put her on speaker. “Hey, Sloan, what’s up?”
“Did you send me a potato?”
Kristen covered her mouth with her hand and I had to stifle a snort. “Why? Did you get an anonymous potato in the mail?”
“Something is seriously wrong with you,” Sloan said. “Congratulations, he put a ring on it. PotatoParcel.com.” She seemed to be reading a message. “You found a company that mails potatoes with messages on them? Where do you find this stuff?”
Kristen’s eyes danced. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Do you have the other thing though?”
“Yeeeess. The note says to call you before I open it. Why am I afraid?”
Kristen giggled. “Open it now. Is Brandon with you?”
“Yes, he’s with me. He’s shaking his head.”
I could picture his face, that easy smile on his lips.
“Okay, I’m opening it. It looks like a paper towel tube. There’s tape on the—AHHHHHH! Are you kidding me, Kristen?! What the hell!”
Kristen rolled forward, putting her forehead to my shoulder in laughter.
“I’m covered in glitter! You sent me a glitter bomb? Brandon has it all over him! It’s all over the sofa!”
Now I was dying. I covered my mouth, trying to keep quiet, and I leaned into Kristen, who was howling, our bodies shaking with laughter. I must not have been quiet enough though.
“Wait, who’s with you?” Sloan asked.
Kristen wiped at her eyes. “Josh is here.”
“Didn’t he have a date tonight? Brandon told me he had a date.”
“He did, but he came back over after.”
“He came back over?” Her voice changed instantly. “And what are you two doing? Remember what we talked about, Kristen…” Her tone was taunting.
Kristen glanced at me. Sloan didn’t seem to realize she was on speaker. Kristen hit the Talk button and pressed the phone to her ear. “I’ll call you tomorrow. I love you!” She hung up on her and set her phone down on the coffee table, still tittering.
“And what did you two talk about?” I asked, arching an eyebrow.
I liked that she’d talked about me. Liked it a lot.
“Just sexually objectifying you. The usual,” she said, shrugging. “Nothing a hot fireman like you can’t handle.”
A hot fireman like you.I did my best to hide my smirk.
“So do you do this to Sloan a lot?” I asked.
“All the time. I love messing with her. She’s so easily worked up.” She reached for her beer.
I chuckled. “How do you sleep at night knowing she’ll be finding glitter in her couch for the next month?”
She took a swig of her beer. “With the fan on medium.”
My laugh came so hard Stuntman Mike looked up and cocked his head at me.
She changed the channel and stopped on HBO. Some show. There was a scene with rose petals down a hallway into a bedroom full of candles. She shook her head at the TV. “See, I just don’t get why that’s romantic. You want flower petals stuck to your ass? And who’s gonna clean all that shit up? Me? Like, thanks for the flower sex, let’s spend the next half an hour sweeping?”
“Those candles are a huge fire hazard.” I tipped my beer toward the screen.
“Right? And try getting wax out of the carpet. Good luck with that.”
I looked at the side of her face. “So what do you think is romantic?”
“Common sense,” she answered without thinking about it. “My wedding wouldn’t be romantic. It would be entertaining. You know what I want at my wedding?” she said, looking at me. “I want the priest from The Princess Bride. The mawage guy.”
― The Friend Zone
“Why won’t you let me love you?”
― The Friend Zone
― The Friend Zone
“I'm cool buying tampons, but I'm not walking a tiny dog into a store in a purse.”
― The Friend Zone
― The Friend Zone
“She was like a unicorn. A mythical creature. An honest, no-drama woman who didn’t bullshit and drank beer and cussed and didn’t care about what people thought of her. She was a unicorn, tucked in the body of an attractive woman with a great ass.
And I couldn’t have her.”
― The Friend Zone
And I couldn’t have her.”
― The Friend Zone
“You know what I like about you, Josh?”
“My way with small, vicious dogs?”
I snorted. “I like that you don’t do that guy thing where you try and solve all my problems. Guys do that. Sometimes we just want to complain. That’s it. We don’t want advice. We just want you to listen. You’re a good listener.”
He fiddled with a coaster and his smile sank a little. “I would try and solve all your problems.” His eyes came back up to mine. “If you wanted me to.”
God, yes, I want you to. But you can’t and you never will.”
― The Friend Zone
“My way with small, vicious dogs?”
I snorted. “I like that you don’t do that guy thing where you try and solve all my problems. Guys do that. Sometimes we just want to complain. That’s it. We don’t want advice. We just want you to listen. You’re a good listener.”
He fiddled with a coaster and his smile sank a little. “I would try and solve all your problems.” His eyes came back up to mine. “If you wanted me to.”
God, yes, I want you to. But you can’t and you never will.”
― The Friend Zone
“...drunks and leggings always tell the truth.”
― The Friend Zone
― The Friend Zone
“Have you ever had the urge to tell someone to shut the fuck up when they aren’t even talking? That’s how I feel literally every time I see his face.”
― The Friend Zone
― The Friend Zone
“Sometimes we just want to complain. That’s it. We don’t want advice. We just want you to listen. You’re a good listener.”
― The Friend Zone
― The Friend Zone
“And what does Drunk Josh want?” I smiled, tapping his name into the search bar on Instagram.
“You.”
I arched an eyebrow. “You’re lucky you’re not here. I’d take advantage of you. You sound too weak to fight me off.”
“I consent.”
― The Friend Zone
“You.”
I arched an eyebrow. “You’re lucky you’re not here. I’d take advantage of you. You sound too weak to fight me off.”
“I consent.”
― The Friend Zone
“Josh? Can you come to my room?”
My wolfish grin broke some of the tension on her face.
“Oh, stop. There’s a spider. I need you to kill it. Please. Before it disappears and I have to burn my whole house down.”
I laughed. “Should I get my gun or…?”
She bounced nervously. “Josh, I’m serious. I hate them. Please help me.”
I pulled a few tissues from the box on my nightstand. “You know, you seem too fearless to be afraid of spiders.”
“A black widow killed my schnauzer when I was a kid. Embracing a lifelong debilitating fear of spiders is cheaper than therapy.” She stopped in the doorway of her room like there was an invisible force field, and I almost bumped into her back.”
― The Friend Zone
My wolfish grin broke some of the tension on her face.
“Oh, stop. There’s a spider. I need you to kill it. Please. Before it disappears and I have to burn my whole house down.”
I laughed. “Should I get my gun or…?”
She bounced nervously. “Josh, I’m serious. I hate them. Please help me.”
I pulled a few tissues from the box on my nightstand. “You know, you seem too fearless to be afraid of spiders.”
“A black widow killed my schnauzer when I was a kid. Embracing a lifelong debilitating fear of spiders is cheaper than therapy.” She stopped in the doorway of her room like there was an invisible force field, and I almost bumped into her back.”
― The Friend Zone
“Food was my currency. Hungry was an emotion for me. I felt that shit in my soul.”
― The Friend Zone
― The Friend Zone
“Kristen, I vow that no matter what health issues lie ahead, I will love and take care of you. I will show you every day of your life that you’re worth everything. I will carry your worries. All I ask is that you carry your own dog purse.”
― The Friend Zone
― The Friend Zone
“That's what I want. I want someone to be my universe.”
― The Friend Zone
― The Friend Zone
“Sup, girl. You think about what I said?” He grinned. “No, Shawn, I don’t have any Mexican in me, and no, I don’t want any.”
― The Friend Zone
― The Friend Zone
“When did you stop drawing penises on stuff?”
He snorted. “What?”
“Like, how old were you when you stopped drawing penises on stuff? I was just thinking how great a guy roommate would be and I realized the only downside would be finding penises drawn in the steam on the bathroom mirror.”
His dimpled smile made me grin.
“I just drew a penis on Brandon’s truck the other day.”
I laughed. “So men never outgrow it. Nice.”
He smiled at me. “Is this really what you’re standing there thinking about?”
“Welcome to my brain. Strap in and keep your arms inside the ride at all times.”
― The Friend Zone
He snorted. “What?”
“Like, how old were you when you stopped drawing penises on stuff? I was just thinking how great a guy roommate would be and I realized the only downside would be finding penises drawn in the steam on the bathroom mirror.”
His dimpled smile made me grin.
“I just drew a penis on Brandon’s truck the other day.”
I laughed. “So men never outgrow it. Nice.”
He smiled at me. “Is this really what you’re standing there thinking about?”
“Welcome to my brain. Strap in and keep your arms inside the ride at all times.”
― The Friend Zone
“I am not drunk. I’m just talking in cursive.”
― The Friend Zone
― The Friend Zone
