Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia Quotes

“I'm convinced that responsibility is some kind of psychological disease.”
― Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia

“Yes, Bastille. I keep trying to get killed because it's inconvenient for you.”
― Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia

“Now you may have gotten the impression that there are absolutely no uses for Librarians. I'm sorry if I implied that. Librarians are very useful. For instance, they are useful if you are fishing for sharks and need some bait. They're also useful for throwing out windows to test the effects of concrete impact on horn-rimmed glasses. If you have enough Librarians, you can build bridges out of them. (Just like witches.)
And, unfortunately, they are also useful for organizing things.”
― Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia

“You want to be a better person? Go listen to someone you disagree with. don't argue with them just listen. It's remarkable what interesting things people will say if you take the time to not be a jerk.”
― Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia

“Entropy shakes its angry fist at you for being clever enough to organize the world. (p 2)”
― Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia

“It's actually a rather romantic and dramatic story --- one I would eagerly tell you, except for the fact that I recently forgot it, based on it being far too long and having not enough decapitations.”
― Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia

“I don't want to make people mad. I just... well, how can people get better if you don't tell them what you honestly think?”
― Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia

“That's Australia. She's not dim-witted, she just has trouble remembering to be smart.”
― Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia

“Summarizing is when you take a story that is complicated and interesting, then stick it in a microwave until it shrivels up into a tiny piece of black crunchy tarlike stuff. A wise man once said, "Any story, no matter how good, will sound really, really dumb when you shorten it to a few sentences.”
― Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia

“Fame is like a cheeseburger. It might not be the best or most healthy thing to have, but it will still fill you up. You don't really care how healthy something is when you've been without it for so long. Like a cheeseburger, fame fills a need, and it tastes so good going down.
It isn't until years later that you realize what it has done to your heart.”
― Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia

“Somebody tell me that I should just go speak to the kings again."
"uh," Sing said, "didn't I just do that?"
"I need to her it again, Sing," Grandpa Smedry said. "I'm old and stubborn!”
― Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia

“This book means whatever you make of it. For some it will be about the dangers of fame. For others it will be about turning your flaws into talents. For many it will simply be entertainment, which is quite all right. Yet for others it will be about learning to question everything, even that which you believe. For, you see, the most important truths can always withstand a little examination.”
― Brandon Sanderson, The Knights of Crystallia

“The most important truths can always withstand a little examination.”
― Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia

“The furry panda is a noble creature, known for its excellent chess-playing skills. Pandas often play chess in exchange for lederhosen, which make up a large chunk of their preferred diet. They also make a fortune off their licensing deals, in which they shrink and stuff members of their clan and sell them as plush toys for young children. It is often theorized that one day all of these plush pandas will decide to rise up and rule the world. And that will be fun, because pandas rock.”
― Brandon Sanderson, The Knights of Crystallia

“Socrates was a funny little Greek man best known for forgetting to write things down and for screaming, "Look, I'm a philosopher!" in the middle of a No Philosophy zone. (He was later forced to eat his words. Along with some poison.)”
― Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia

“Fish sticks are without a doubt the most disgusting things ever created. Regular fish is bad enough, but fish sticks … well, they raise disgustingness to an entirely new level. It’s like they exist just to make us writers come up with new words to describe them, since the old words just aren’t horrible enough. I’m thinking of using crapaflapnasti. Definition of “crapaflapnasti”: “Adj. Used to describe an item that is as disgusting as fish sticks.” (Note: This word can only be used to describe fish sticks themselves, as nothing has yet been found that is equally crapaflapnasti. Though the unclean, moldy, cluttered space under Brandon Sanderson’s bed comes close.)”
― Brandon Sanderson, The Knights of Crystallia

“Definition of “book one”: The best place to start a series. You can identify “book one” by the fact that it says BOOK ONE on the back cover. Smedrys do a happy dance when you read book one first. Entropy shakes its angry fist at you for being clever enough to organize the world. Definition of “book two”: The book you read after book one. If you start with book two, I will make fun of you. (Okay, so I’ll make fun of you either way. But honestly, do you want to give me more ammunition?) Definition of “book three”: The worst place, currently, to start a series. If you start here, I will throw things at you. Definition of “book four”: And … how’d you manage to start with that one? I haven’t even written it yet. (You sneaky time travelers.)”
― Brandon Sanderson, The Knights of Crystallia

“(It should be noted that the Honorable Guild of Evil Warlords has worked very hard to counter the negative stereotype of its members. After several dozen bake sales and charity auctions, someone suggested that they remove the word evil from the title of their organization. The suggestion was eventually rejected on account of Gurstak the Ruthless having just ordered a full box of embossed business cards.) The”
― Brandon Sanderson, The Knights of Crystallia

“We were an audience watching a duet. A duet in which the violinists tried to ram their violins down each other’s throats.”
― Brandon Sanderson, The Knights of Crystallia

“Once there was a boy named Alcatraz. He did some stuff that was kind of interesting. Then one day, he betrayed those who depended on him, doomed the world, and murdered someone who loved him. The end.”
― Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia

“I don't want to stifle information, but I do want to organize it! I don't want to rule the world, but I do want to bring it order! I don't want everything to be the same, but I do want to understand!”
― Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia

“Unfortunately, I know that some of you Hushlanders have trouble counting to three. (The Librarian- controlled schools don't want you to be able to manage complex mathematics.) So I've prepared this helpful guide.

Definition of "book one": The best place to start a series. You can identify "book one" by the fact that it has a little "1" on the spine. Smedrys do a happy dance when you read book one first. Entropy shakes its angry fist at you for being clever enough to organize the world.

Definition of "book two": The book you read after book one. If you start with book two, I will make fun of you. (Okay, so I'll make fun of you either way. But honestly, do you want to give me more ammunition?)

Definition of "book three": The worst place, currently, to start a series. If you start here, I will throw things at you.

Definition of "book four": And . . . how'd you manage to start with that one? I haven't even written it yet. (You sneaky time travelers.)”
― Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia

“Everybody evaluates. We critics are just trained to talk about it.”
― Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia

“Behold!" I bellowed. "'Tis a foul beast of the nether-hells. Stand behind me and I shall slay it!"
"Oh, Alcatraz," Bastille breathed. "Thou art awesomish and manlyish.”
― Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia

“So instead of fighting, you could bribe the ninjas with soy sauce, and then send them to attack your siblings instead. That way you can get rid of some unwanted soy sauce. See how easy it is to avoid violence?”
― Brandon Sanderson, The Knights of Crystallia

“Some say that fame is a fleeting thing. Well, it has clung to me tenaciously, like gum stuck to the sidewalk, blackened from being stepped on a thousand times. I haven't been able to shake it, no matter what.

Some also say fame is shallow. That's easy to say when you haven't spent your childhood being passed from family to family, scorned and discarded because of a curse that made you break whatever you touched.

Fame is like a cheeseburger. It might not be the best or most healthy thing to have, but it will still fill you up. You don't really care how healthy something is when you've been without for so long. Like a cheeseburger, fame fills a need, and it tastes so good going down.

It isn't until years later that you realize what it has done to your heart.”
― Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia

“I still felt a little bit sick for needing the help of a Librarian. It was frustrating. Terribly frustrating. In fact, I don’t think I can accurately—through text—show you just how frustrating it was. But because I love you, I’m going to try anyway. Let’s start by randomly capitalizing letters. “We cAn SenD fOr a draGOn to cArry us,” SinG saId As we burst oUt oF the stAirWeLL and ruSHED tHrough ThE roOm aBovE. “ThAT wILl taKe tOO Long,” BaStiLlE saiD. “We’Ll haVe To graB a VeHiCle oFf thE STrEet,” I sAid. (You know what, that’s not nearly frustrating enough. I’m going to have to start adding in random punctuation marks too.) We c! RoS-Sed thrOu? gH t% he Gra## ND e ` nt < Ry > WaY at “A” de-aD Ru) n. OnC $ e oUts/ iDE, I Co* Uld sEe T ^ haT the suN wa + S nEar to s = Ett = ING—it w.O.u.l.d Onl > y bE a co@ uPle of HoU[ rs unTi ^ L the tR} e} atY RATiF ~ iCATiON ha, pPenEd. We nEeDeD!! to bE QuicK?.? UnFOrTu() nAtelY, tHE! re weRe no C? arriA-ges on tHe rOa ^ D for U/ s to cOmMan > < dEer. Not a ON ~ e ~. THerE w + eRe pe/\ Ople wa | lK | Ing aBoUt, BU? t no caRr# iaGes. (Okay, you know what? That’s not frustrating enough either. Let’s start replacing some random vowels with the letter Q.) I lqOk-eD arO! qnD, dE# sPqrA# te, fRq? sTr/ Ated (like you, hopefully), anD aNn | qYeD. Jq! St eaR& lIer, tHqr ^ E hq.d BeeN DoZen! S of cq? RrIqgEs on The rQA! d! No-W tHqRe wA = Sn’t a SqnGl + e oN ^ q. “ThE_rQ!” I eXclai $ mqd, poIntIng. Mqv = Ing do ~ Wn th_e RqaD! a shoRt diStq + + nCe aWay < wAs > a sTrANgq gLaSs cqnTrAPtion. I waSN’t CqrTain What it wAs >, bUt It w! qs MoV? ing—aND s% qmewhat quIc: =) Kly. “LeT’s G_q gRA? b iT!”
― Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia

“She fell because she was looking through the library’s nonfriction section.) We”
― Brandon Sanderson, The Knights of Crystallia

“In Nalhalla, everything has castle towers. Even the outhouses. (You know, in case someone tries to seize the throne.)”
― Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia

“Fame is like a cheeseburger. It might not be the best or most healthy thing to have, but it will still fill you up. You don’t really care how healthy something is when you’ve been without for so long. Like a cheeseburger, fame fills a need, and it tastes so good going down.”
― Brandon Sanderson, The Knights of Crystallia