Pride and Prejudice and Zombies Quotes

“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“Elizabeth: "Your balls, Mr. Darcy?"
Darcy: "They belong to you, Miss Bennett.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“Of all the weapons she had commanded, Elizabeth knew the least of love; and of all the weapons in the world, love was the most dangerous.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“Of all the weapons in the world, love is the most dangerous.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“The business of Mr. Bennett's life was to keep his daughters alive. The business of Mrs. Bennett's was to get them married.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“Elizabeth and
Darcy merely looked at one another in awkward silence, until the latter reached both arms around
her. She was frozen-"What does he mean to do?" she thought. But his intentions were
respectable, for Darcy merely meant to retrieve his Brown Bess, which Elizabeth had affixed to
her back during her walk. She remembered the lead ammunition in her pocket and offered it to
him. "Your balls, Mr. Darcy?" He reached out and closed her hand around them, and offered,
"They belong to you, Miss Bennet." Upon this, their colour changed, and they were forced to look
away from one another, lest they laugh.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“No ninjas! How was that possible? Five daughters brought up at home without any ninjas! I never heard of such a thing. Your mother must have been quite a slave to your safety.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“Elizabeth lifted her skirt, disregarding modesty, and delivered a swift kick to the creature's head.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“Thank you, sir, but I am perfectly content being the bride of death.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“I would much prefer their minds to be engaged in the deadly arts than clouded with dreams of marriage and fortune, as your own so clearly is!”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins, and I will never see you again if you do; for I shall not have my best warrior resigned to the service of a man who is fatter than Buddha and duller than the edge of a learning sword.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“On the contrary, there is something pleasing about his mouth when he
speaks. And there is something of dignity in the way his trousers cling to those most English parts
of him.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“Elizabeth sheathed her sword, knelt behind him, and strangled him to death with his own large bowel.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“Elizabeth, having rather expected to affront him, was amazed at his gallantry; and Darcy had never been so bewitched by any woman as he was by her. He really believed, that were it not for the inferiority of her connections, he should be in some danger of falling in love, and were it not for his considerable skill in the deadly arts, that he should be in danger of being bested by hers--for never had he seen a lady more gifted in the ways of vanquishing the undead.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“I know of nobody that is coming, I am sure, unless Charlotte Lucas should happen to call in- and I am sure my dinners are good enough for her, since she is an unmarried woman of seven-and-twenty, and as such should expect little more than a crust of bread washed down with a cup of loneliness.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“Miss Bennet, I am quite aware of your superior talent for cutting down the Lord's forsaken flock. I merely mean to spare your gown.'
Thank you,' said Elizabeth, composing herself, 'but I should rather my gown be soiled than my honor.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“He begged to know to which of his fair cousins the excellency of its cookery was owing.
Briefly forgetting her manners, Mary grabbed her fork and leapt from her chair onto the table. Lydia, who was seated nearest her, grabbed her ankle before she could dive at Mr. Collins and, presumably, stab him about the head and neck for such an insult.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“Never had she so honestly felt that she could have loved him, as now, when all love must be vain.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“The more I see of the world, the more I am dissatisfied with it.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“She remembered the lead ammunition in her pocket and offered it to him. "Your balls, Mr. Darcy?" He reached out and closed her hand around them, and offered, "They belong to you, Miss Bennet.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“Of all weapons in the world, I now know love to be the most dangerous. For I have suffered a mortal wound. When did I fall so deeply under your spell, Miss Bennet? I cannot fix the hour or the spot or the look or the words which lay the foundation. I was in the middle before I knew I began. But a proud fool I was. I have faced the harsh truth: that I can never hope to win your love in this life.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“I have been meditating on the very great pleasure which a pair of fine eyes in the face of a pretty women can bestow.'
Miss Bingley immediately fixated her eyes on his face, and desired he would tell her what lady had the credit of inspiring such reflections. Mr. Darcy replied:
'Miss Elizabeth Bennet.”
― Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“My sisters and I cannot spend any substantial time searching for Wickham, as we are each commanded by His Majesty to defend Hertfordshire from all enemies until such time as we are dead, rendered lame, or married.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“What an excellent father you have, girls!' said she, when the door was shut. 'Such joys are scarce since the good Lord saw fit to close the gates of Hell and doom the dead to walk amongst us.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“A few of the guests, who had the misfortune of being too near the windows, were seized and feasted on at once. When Elizabeth stood, she saw Mrs. Long struggle to free herself as two female dreadfuls bit into her head, cracking her skull like a walnut, and sending a shower of dark blood spouting as high as the chandeliers.

As guests fled in every direction, Mr. Bennet's voice cut through the commotion. "Girls! Pentagram of Death!"

Elizabeth immediately joined her four sisters, Jane, Mary, Catherine, and Lydia in the center of the dance floor. Each girl produced a dagger from her ankle and stood at the tip of an imaginary five-pointed star. From the center of the room, they began stepping outward in unison - each thrusting a razor-sharp dagger with one hand, the other hand modestly tucked into the small of her back.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“I should like balls infinitely better," she replied, "if they were carried on in a different manner."

"You should like balls infinitely better," said Darcy, "if you knew the first thing about them.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“All I ask is that my final months be happy ones, and that I be permitted a husband who will see to my proper Christian beheading and burial.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“How pleasant it is to spend an evening in this way! I declare after all there is no enjoyment like reading!”

“Spoken like one who has never known the ecstasy of holding a still-beating heart in her hand.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“I dare say she means to keep you from his attentions. Your honour demands she be slain.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“She delivered a vicious blow, penetrating his rib cage, and withdrew her hand — with the ninja's still-beating heart in it. As all but Lady Catherine turned away in disgust, Elizabeth took a bite, letting the blood run down her chin and onto her sparring gown. "Curious," said Elizabeth, still chewing. "I have tasted many a heart, but I dare say, I find the Japanese ones a bit tender."

Her ladyship left the dojo without giving compliment to Elizabeth's skills.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies