European Travel for the Monstrous Gentlewoman Quotes

“For the first time, Mary understood the attraction of coffee. If you have been up all night, escaping from a burning mental asylum or fighting men who refuse to die when you shoot them in the forehead, or both, coffee is the perfect beverage.”
― Theodora Goss, European Travel for the Monstrous Gentlewoman

“Do not dismiss what you do not understand,”
― Theodora Goss, European Travel for the Monstrous Gentlewoman

“DIANA: Well, how was I supposed to know that?
MARY: Maybe because we mentioned it over and over again?
DIANA: You’re assuming that I listen.”
― Theodora Goss, European Travel for the Monstrous Gentlewoman

“I stop listening when academics start mixing their Greek and Latin roots. That never leads anywhere productive.”
― Theodora Goss, European Travel for the Monstrous Gentlewoman

“The benefit of growing older is that you make different mistakes.”
― Theodora Goss, European Travel for the Monstrous Gentlewoman

“One does not have to dress in a way that is unflattering, or even unfashionable, to be rational—and comfortable. How can you expect women to exercise their faculties, nay, their rights, in clothes that confine them? We shall never be men’s equals while we lace ourselves into ill health and drape ourselves in fabric until we can scarcely move. Dress reform is almost as important to our cause as the vote.”
― Theodora Goss, European Travel for the Monstrous Gentlewoman

“And where do you get off calling yourself practical? You’re a writer.”
― Theodora Goss, European Travel for the Monstrous Gentlewoman

“Your way of not bothering looks exactly like bothering, if you ask me.”
― Theodora Goss, European Travel for the Monstrous Gentlewoman

“If you have been up all night, escaping from a burning mental asylum or fighting men who refuse to die when you shoot them in the forehead, or both, coffee is the perfect beverage.”
― Theodora Goss, European Travel for the Monstrous Gentlewoman

“We are not purely material beings,” he continued. “Dr. Bell would say that we are not material beings at all, although I would not go that far. But we are surrounded by waves of energy. You’ve seen them in operation, even if you have not seen the waves themselves.”
― Theodora Goss, European Travel for the Monstrous Gentlewoman

“How can you expect women to exercise their faculties, nay, their rights, in clothes that confine them? We shall never be men’s equals while we lace ourselves into ill health and drape ourselves in fabric until we can scarcely move. Dress reform is almost as important to our cause as the vote.”
― Theodora Goss, European Travel for the Monstrous Gentlewoman

“CATHERINE: All these questions, and more, will be answered in the third volume of these adventures of the Athena Club, assuming this volume sells sufficiently well—two shillings in bookstores, train stations, and directly from the publisher. And should anyone wish to bring out an American edition—

MARY: You really have to stop it with the advertisements!

CATHERINE: If our readers want to find out what happens to Alice, they will need to buy the first two books! Of course, if they want me to leave Alice in peril . . .”
― Theodora Goss, European Travel for the Monstrous Gentlewoman

“BEATRICE: Laura told me it might help if I read aloud. Mina had given us a book of fairy tales. Blue Fairy Tales? Blue Book of Fairy Tales? I do not remember the exact title. I was never given fairy tales to read as a child, only scientific treatises. How I would have enjoyed them! Although I do not understand how a shoe could fit only one woman in an entire kingdom.

DIANA: It was a magical shoe.

BEATRICE: Still, that is not logical. I can accept pumpkins turning into coaches, and lizards into footmen, but a shoe will fit many women of the same size. How could the prince know he was choosing the right one?”
― Theodora Goss, European Travel for the Monstrous Gentlewoman

“MARY: It’s called a Schloss. That’s what small castles are called in Styria, Laura told me.

CATHERINE: Yes, but do you think our English readers are going to know that? Or our American readers? I’m hoping for some American sales, if the deal with Collier & Son comes through, and there are no Schlosses in America—just teepees and department stores.

BEATRICE: The slaughter of the native population is a shameful stain on American history. Clarence says—

CATHERINE: For goodness’ sake, how are we going to sell to readers in the United States if you go on about the slaughter of the native Americans? Who’s going to want to read about that?

BEATRICE: Those who do not want to read about it are exactly those who should be made aware, Catherine. This may be a story of our adventures, but we must not shy away from confronting the difficult issues of the times. Literature exists to educate as well as entertain, after all.

DIANA: You all went from Schlosses to teepees to a political discussion, and you think I ramble?”
― Theodora Goss, European Travel for the Monstrous Gentlewoman

“My name is Carmilla,” said the woman. “I’ve come from Mina, in Budapest. I think it’s time you were rescued from this place. Don’t you think?”
― Theodora Goss, European Travel for the Monstrous Gentlewoman

“MARY: Renaissance, not medieval. Most of the castle was built during the sixteenth century, although I believe its foundations date from the fourteenth.

CATHERINE: And our readers will care why?

MARY: You may not care for accuracy, but I do—and Carmilla will, when she reads this book.

CATHERINE: If I ever get the damn thing written, with all these interruptions!”
― Theodora Goss, European Travel for the Monstrous Gentlewoman

“MARY: Catherine! Is it necessary to include such a detail?

CATHERINE: Do you expect our readers to believe that we had no bodily needs or functions for entire days at a time?

MARY: No, but such things are simply—unstated. They go without saying.

CATHERINE: It’s very fashionable now to include realistic details, no matter how unpleasant or improper. Look at the French writers. Look at Émile Zola.

MARY: We are not French.”
― Theodora Goss, European Travel for the Monstrous Gentlewoman

“MARY: Cat, should you be writing all this? I mean, Irene still lives in Vienna. Her secret room won’t be a secret once this book is published.

CATHERINE: She said I could. Granted, she said no one would believe it anyway, the way no one believes Mrs. Shelly’s biography of Victor Frankenstein. Everyone assumes it’s fiction. She says people rarely believe in what they think to be improbable, although they often believe in the impossible. They find it easier to believe in spiritualism than in the platypus.

BEATRICE: So she thinks our readers might assume this is a work of fiction?

CATHERINE: Bea, you sound upset by that.

BEATRICE: And you are not? Do you not care whether readers understand that this is the truth of our lives?

CATHERINE: As long as they buy the book, no, not much. As long as they pay their two shillings a volume, and I receive royalties . . .”
― Theodora Goss, European Travel for the Monstrous Gentlewoman

“CATHERINE: Readers who are not familiar with the tale of Beatrice and Giovanni can find it in the first of these adventures of the Athena Club, in an attractive green cloth binding that will appear to advantage in a lady’s or gentleman’s library. Two shillings, as I mentioned before.

BEATRICE: You would use the story of my grief to sell copies of your book?

CATHERINE: Our book. I may be writing it, but you are all as responsible for its contents as I am. What is the point if we don’t reach readers? And honestly, Bea, you’re not the only one whose sorrows are being recorded here. I mean . . . Bea?

MARY: She’s gone back to the conservatory. I think you offended her—seriously offended her. The way you offended Zora.

CATHERINE: Why do you humans have to be so emotional?”
― Theodora Goss, European Travel for the Monstrous Gentlewoman

“You know, I’ve been called a thief before. Growing up in Hackney, going to the markets with my mother—the shopkeepers always kept an eye on us, in case we pilfered anything. Because we looked Indian, and you could never tell with those wogs, could you? The number of times I was told I wasn’t welcome because I wasn’t really English, even though I’d been born in London, same as them. I thought the circus was going to be different. I thought you”—she looked at Catherine accusingly—“were going to be different. But you know what? Why don’t you just search my stuff. Go on. Whatever you’re missing, jewelry or money—you just go ahead and look for it!” She bent down and drew her suitcase out from under the seat, threw it on top, and opened it violently, so that dresses and scarves spilled out. She shook the contents directly onto the seat cushions, then scattered them about. “Here you go, that’s what you wanted, right? And if you find whatever you’re looking for, you can go ahead and put me in gaol, or whatever they have for gaol here in Austria. I’m going to feed the snakes—they need their lunch too. They may be poisonous, but they’ve never made me feel like dirt. It takes a human being to do that.”
― Theodora Goss, European Travel for the Monstrous Gentlewoman

“DIANA: You never appreciate me, even when I’m being nice!

MARY: It was nice of you to defend me like that, Diana. I did appreciate it, you know. I do appreciate it, even now.

DIANA: Well, you’re my sister. I mean, you’re annoying, and you have a stick up your—Catherine doesn’t want me to say that word anymore—but you’re still my sister.

MRS. POOLE: That may be the most affectionate thing I’ve heard you say, Miss Scamp.

DIANA: Go back to your kitchen, you old (unprintable).”
― Theodora Goss, European Travel for the Monstrous Gentlewoman

“Irene took a sip of coffee. “Ahhh!” she said, almost involuntarily. “I really, really needed that.” She turned back to Lucinda. “All right, tell me about your father. Your earthly father.”

“I have no father anymore,” said Lucinda. “He has sinned, grievously he has sinned. He has consorted with demons, and surely the Lord will send him down to perdition.”
“What the hell does that mean?” asked Diana.

“Hush,” said Mary. “You haven’t even finished what’s on your plate. Are you Diana, or some sort of doppelgänger? Because the Diana I know doesn’t leave food uneaten.”

“Go to hell,” said Diana, but she said it under her breath and stuffed her mouth with a poppy-seed roll.”
― Theodora Goss, European Travel for the Monstrous Gentlewoman

“Dr. Freud said he would like to see me again,” she said, finally.

“I just bet he would!” Irene laughed. “He collects beetles of all sorts, and you resemble a gray beetle that seems ordinary, but shine a light on it and it begins to shimmer like an opal—blue and green, all cool colors for you, I think. You know, when all of you had just arrived here, I admired your self-control. Here you were in a strange country, determined to rescue a woman you didn’t know from a danger you didn’t understand, all because a friend had asked you to. You were tired from a long journey, yet there you were, coolly making plans. Then later I realized it wasn’t self-control at all—it’s simply the way you are, like Sherlock. He can’t help it either. When there’s a problem to be solved, he sits down and solves it: rationally, efficiently.”

Mary opened her mouth to protest.

“I don’t mean that you’re emotionless, my dear. I just mean that your emotions are, themselves, efficient, rational. Please don’t misunderstand me—I admire you very much and I would like to be your friend. But you remind me of Sherlock more than anyone I’ve ever met.”

“I think that’s a compliment?” said Mary. “I mean, I find him dreadfully aggravating, sometimes. . . .”

“Don’t we all!”
― Theodora Goss, European Travel for the Monstrous Gentlewoman

“MARY: How in the world are our readers going to know who Miss Jenks is? She was only in the first book.

CATHERINE: Then they should go back and read the first book. It’s only two shillings, at bookshops and train stations. I would have mentioned that, but you told me to stop advertising!”
― Theodora Goss, European Travel for the Monstrous Gentlewoman

“MARY: I don’t think you have dulcet tones. Dulcet means sweet. When are you ever sweet?

CATHERINE: My most dulcet tones. I was using the superlative. Everyone has a most something, even if it’s not very much.

BEATRICE: I think Catherine can be quite sweet when she wants to.

CATHERINE: I just don’t want to very often.”
― Theodora Goss, European Travel for the Monstrous Gentlewoman

“BEATRICE: You make me sound so dramatic, Catherine!

CATHERINE: Well, you are dramatic, with your long black hair and the clear olive complexion that marks you a daughter of the sunny south, of Italy, land of poetry and brigands. You would be the perfect romantic heroine, if only you weren’t so contrary about it.

BEATRICE: But I have no desire to be a romantic heroine.

MARY: Brigands? Seriously, Cat, this isn’t the eighteenth century. Nowadays Italy is perfectly civilized.”
― Theodora Goss, European Travel for the Monstrous Gentlewoman

“She leaned over and kissed Carmilla, evidently meaning to kiss her cheek, but at the last moment Carmilla turned her head an they kissed each other on the lips. Laura laughed. It startled Mary - what was the relationship between these two women?”
― Theodora Goss, European Travel for the Monstrous Gentlewoman

“But then she put her hands on Mary's shoulders and kissed both her cheeks. Well, Mary didn't mind. Irene was the most interesting woman she had ever met. They were not in competition, but if they had been, she would happily have lost to Irene Norton.”
― Theodora Goss, European Travel for the Monstrous Gentlewoman

“this was going to be easy peasy.”
― Theodora Goss, European Travel for the Monstrous Gentlewoman

“Is it not strange how such things can happen, momentous things, things that seem to change the world itself and yet they do not? The river flows, the sun shines, the birds sing. Nature is indifferent to man. Which is perhaps why we can find in it a source of healing. We may be wounded, but it is not. Despite our weariness, it renews itself continually. I find that thought comforting.”
― Theodora Goss, European Travel for the Monstrous Gentlewoman