Toilet Quotes

Quotes tagged as "toilet" Showing 1-30 of 56
J.K. Rowling
“Now, you two – this year, you behave yourselves. If I get one more owl telling me you've – you've blown up a toilet or –"
"Blown up a toilet? We've never blown up a toilet."
"Great idea though, thanks, Mum.”
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

J.K. Rowling
“No, thanks," said Harry. "The toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it— it might be sick." Then he ran, before Dudley could work out what he'd said.”
J.K. Rowling , Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

Eoin Colfer
“The miracle of modern science. The LEP pours millions into your department, Foaly, and all you can do is send Mud Boys to the toilet.”
Eoin Colfer, The Eternity Code

Bill Cosby
“And of course, when you see your brother in the toilet bowl...there's a little voice that say, 'I wonder where he would go...'...if it hadn't been for his head...”
Bill Cosby

“I was also sick of my neighbors, as most Parisians are. I now knew every second of the morning routine of the family upstairs. At 7:00 am alarm goes off, boom, Madame gets out of bed, puts on her deep-sea divers’ boots, and stomps across my ceiling to megaphone the kids awake. The kids drop bags of cannonballs onto the floor, then, apparently dragging several sledgehammers each, stampede into the kitchen. They grab their chunks of baguette and go and sit in front of the TV, which is always showing a cartoon about people who do nothing but scream at each other and explode. Every minute, one of the kids cartwheels (while bouncing cannonballs) back into the kitchen for seconds, then returns (bringing with it a family of excitable kangaroos) to the TV. Meanwhile the toilet is flushed, on average, fifty times per drop of urine expelled. Finally, there is a ten-minute period of intensive yelling, and at 8:15 on the dot they all howl and crash their way out of the apartment to school.” (p.137)”
Stephen Clarke, A Year in the Merde

Thomas Lynch
“The flush toilet, more than any single invention, has 'civilized' us in a way that religion and law could never accomplish.”
Thomas Lynch, The Undertaking: Life Studies from the Dismal Trade

Roshani Chokshi
“Aru glared. 'Well, you swim in your own toilet!'
The fish did not have an eyebrow to raise villainously. But its tone managed the effect well enough, 'And you'll never know when I use the ocean as a toilet. Enjoy the mystery.'
It flapped its tail and swam off.”
Roshani Chokshi, Aru Shah and the Song of Death

Adam Rex
“We found the bathrooms, which were labeled 'Aliens' and 'Femaliens.'
'Finally,' I said to J.Lo. 'Here's a bathroom you're allowed to use.”
Adam Rex, The True Meaning of Smekday

“The trail of lime trees outside our building is still a public loo. …where else are they supposed to go to the toilet in a city where public toilets are about as common as UFO sightings?” (pp.281-82)”
Sarah Turnbull, Almost French: Love and a New Life in Paris

Steven Magee
“Toilet paper, disinfecting wipes and bottled water all became COVID-19 gold.”
Steven Magee

Sol Luckman
“bathroom: (n.) where Americans go to argue about gender while the country goes down the toilet.”
Sol Luckman, The Angel's Dictionary

Mokokoma Mokhonoana
“Just before we have sex, the question often is: To pee, or not to pee?”
Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Steven Magee
“The COVID-19 pandemic has made abstaining from butt wiping fashionable.”
Steven Magee

Donna Gephart
“There’s more than one way to lose someone you love.”
Donna Gephart, Death by Toilet Paper

“JUST LIKE THE REST OF THE HOME, THE TOILET IS A PLACE TO BE CONSIDERATE OF OTHERS AS WELL AS YOURSELF.”
Shoukei Matsumoto, A Monk's Guide to a Clean House and Mind
tags: toilet

“EVERY TIME YOU STEP INTO YOUR TOILET YOU SHOULD APPRECIATE HOW YOUR BODY IS EXPELLING TOXINS AND WASTE. YOU SHOULD FEEL REFRESHED AND GRATEFUL.”
Shoukei Matsumoto, A Monk's Guide to a Clean House and Mind
tags: toilet

Rick Riordan
“The geyser receded, followed by the horrendous sound of water draining down the tunnel, like somebody up on Olympus had flushed the godly toilet.”
Rick Riordan, The Demigod Diaries

Theodora Goss
MARY: Catherine! Is it necessary to include such a detail?

CATHERINE: Do you expect our readers to believe that we had no bodily needs or functions for entire days at a time?

MARY: No, but such things are simply—unstated. They go without saying.

CATHERINE: It’s very fashionable now to include realistic details, no matter how unpleasant or improper. Look at the French writers. Look at Émile Zola.

MARY: We are not French.”
Theodora Goss, European Travel for the Monstrous Gentlewoman

Steven Magee
“Toilet paper, tissues, and flu medications are the COVID-19 stock picks.”
Steven Magee

Steven Magee
“Toilet paper has separated the masses into the haves and have nots.”
Steven Magee

Steven Magee
“My response to the COVID-19 toilet paper shortage is to consume so much fiber that my poops come out as dense logs.”
Steven Magee

Steven Magee
“The French solved the problem of toilet paper shortages a long time ago and called it the ‘Bidet’.”
Steven Magee

Steven Magee
“A toilet paper manufacturer’s worst fear is that the masses will learn how to abstain from toilet paper use during the COVID-19 pandemic.”
Steven Magee

Steven Magee
“The USA has cloned Russia’s toilet paper business model!”
Steven Magee

Steven Magee
“Abstaining from butt wiping is the solution to the COVID-19 toilet paper crisis!”
Steven Magee

Steven Magee
“2020 was the year America rationed toilet rolls.”
Steven Magee

Aspen Matis
“He opened his laptop and showed me a picture of a “cozy” Greenwich Village apartment he’d found online. My dad, a born New Yorker, had told me stories of the Village, a lively network of cobblestone streets and jazz dives, coffee houses and folk clubs with no cover fee—and I felt a surge of light-headed ambition. “Though it’s kind of strange,” Justin continued, “there is no bathroom inside. Our toilet would be down a public hallway.”
Aspen Matis, Your Blue Is Not My Blue: A Missing Person Memoir

Steven Magee
“Toilet paper, masks and disinfectant hand wipes were the COVID-19 essentials.”
Steven Magee

Raynor Winn
“Six thirty and I could hear the gulls coming and going over the cliff and the now familiar early-morning battle with boots and tent flaps took far too long. As soon as I stood up I was overwhelmed. Not only by the desire to sit on a white, shiny, flushing toilet, but mainly by a wave of vertigo. Somehow in the dark and fog of the night before we had pitched the tent two meters from the edge of the cliff. Tent, path, scrap of grass, hundred-meter-drop. I regained my balance and looked for somewhere slightly disguised. All I could see was an open hillside with a small clump of gorse bushes. There was no waiting; it would have to do. I frantically tried to dig a hole with the heel of my boot - we hadn't carried a trowel for this, far too much weight and anyway we'd always find a public toilet. My thumb ripped through the waist of my leggings in the rush as I squatted behind the spikey sharp gorse with as much relief as Renton in 'Trainspotting'...
'Morning. You found somewhere to camp then?”
Raynor Winn, The Salt Path

Michael Bassey Johnson
“No matter how busy and important you think you are, you cannot reject nature’s call.”
Michael Bassey Johnson, Song of a Nature Lover

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