Toilet Quotes

Quotes tagged as "toilet" (showing 1-30 of 39)
J.K. Rowling
“Now, you two – this year, you behave yourselves. If I get one more owl telling me you've – you've blown up a toilet or –"
"Blown up a toilet? We've never blown up a toilet."
"Great idea though, thanks, Mum.”
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

J.K. Rowling
“No, thanks," said Harry. "The toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it— it might be sick." Then he ran, before Dudley could work out what he'd said.”
J.K. Rowling , Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

Eoin Colfer
“The miracle of modern science. The LEP pours millions into your department, Foaly, and all you can do is send Mud Boys to the toilet.”
Eoin Colfer, The Eternity Code

Bill Cosby
“And of course, when you see your brother in the toilet bowl...there's a little voice that say, 'I wonder where he would go...'...if it hadn't been for his head...”
Bill Cosby

Stephen Clarke
“I was also sick of my neighbors, as most Parisians are. I now knew every second of the morning routine of the family upstairs. At 7:00 am alarm goes off, boom, Madame gets out of bed, puts on her deep-sea divers’ boots, and stomps across my ceiling to megaphone the kids awake. The kids drop bags of cannonballs onto the floor, then, apparently dragging several sledgehammers each, stampede into the kitchen. They grab their chunks of baguette and go and sit in front of the TV, which is always showing a cartoon about people who do nothing but scream at each other and explode. Every minute, one of the kids cartwheels (while bouncing cannonballs) back into the kitchen for seconds, then returns (bringing with it a family of excitable kangaroos) to the TV. Meanwhile the toilet is flushed, on average, fifty times per drop of urine expelled. Finally, there is a ten-minute period of intensive yelling, and at 8:15 on the dot they all howl and crash their way out of the apartment to school.” (p.137)”
Stephen Clarke, A Year in the Merde

Thomas Lynch
“The flush toilet, more than any single invention, has 'civilized' us in a way that religion and law could never accomplish.”
Thomas Lynch, The Undertaking: Life Studies from the Dismal Trade

Adam Rex
“We found the bathrooms, which were labeled 'Aliens' and 'Femaliens.'
'Finally,' I said to J.Lo. 'Here's a bathroom you're allowed to use.”
Adam Rex, The True Meaning of Smekday

“The trail of lime trees outside our building is still a public loo. …where else are they supposed to go to the toilet in a city where public toilets are about as common as UFO sightings?” (pp.281-82)”
Sarah Turnbull, Almost French: Love and a New Life in Paris

Tom Holt
“There are few moments of clarity more profound than those that follow the emptying of an overcharged bladder. The world slows down, the focus sharpens, the brain comes back on line. Huge nebulous difficulties prove on close calm examination to be merely cloud giants.”
Tom Holt

Mokokoma Mokhonoana
“There probably was a time when the idea of having a toilet inside a house was repulsive.”
Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“I'm so inconsiderate that I always make sure that I just leave one piece of toilet paper on the roll for the next person.”
Anthony T. Hincks

Mokokoma Mokhonoana
“Nothing reminds one of how shitty inequality is more often than the fact that there are companies who make and people who use 1-ply toilet papers.”
Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“When the shit hits the fan, you really have to ask yourself why you weren't sitting on the toilet.”
Anthony T.Hincks

Robin Stevenson
“I stare past her at the inspirational kitten posters. There's one of a soaking-wet kitten climbing out of a toilet with the caption "it could be worse!"

"Just tell me whatever it is you're thinking," Mrs. Paulsen says. "Whatever is going through your mind right now."

"I hope they didn't actually drop a cat in the toilet to get that picture," I choke out.

"...Pardon?"

"Nothing. Sorry.”
Robin Stevenson, The World Without Us

“Some of my best ideas come from when I'm sitting on the toilet.”
Anthony T Hincks

Jonathan  Dunne
“Seeing his daughter slowly die, coupled with his infinite sadness and misery, the clockmaker becomes a recluse to the tower of the castle and begins to build something behind closed doors, not even his daughter knows what he’s up to. For five years, she only sees him briefly at meal-times before locking himself up in the tower once again..."

"...Did he have a bathroom in the tower?"

"Yes, Jack. A big one! En-suite! Power-shower and spa! Where was I!?”
Jonathan Dunne, Hearts Anonymous

Mokokoma Mokhonoana
“Most people would rather eat inside a windowless room in which they have just defecated than eat inside one in which someone else has just farted, even if the room does not have a toilet.”
Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Simone Elkeles
“Elena opens the door and yanks me through the house, stopping only when we reach the backyard. She lets me go only to grab the microphone from the lead singer.
"Paco!" she announces loudly. "Yeah, I'm talkin' to you," Elena says, pointing to Paco talking to a bunch of girls. "Next time you want to take a dump, do it in someone else's house."
Paco's entourage of girls backs up and giggles, leaving him alone.”
Simone Elkeles, Perfect Chemistry

Mokokoma Mokhonoana
“I used to think that size does not count, until I realized that most people either find other people’s faeces more disgusting than a bird’s droppings, or they do not find the latter disgusting at all.”
Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Jeanette Winterson
“our outside loo, known as the Betty, was a good loo; whitewashed and compact with a flashlight hanging behind the door. I smuggled books in there to read them in secret, claiming constipation.”
Jeanette Winterson, Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal?

“If your boat is in a toilet bowl going down, it may look better then the climb up.”
Chuck Bridges

Mokokoma Mokhonoana
“Passing their toilet training is the very last thing that some adults did that has made their parents proud of them.”
Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Mokokoma Mokhonoana
“For breakfast to be called ‘in bed’ instead of ‘on top of a bed,’ the house in which it is about to be eaten has to have at least two rooms (excluding the kitchen); (at least) three, if it has a bathroom.”
Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Tapan Ghosh
“The human body is designed in accordance with the laws of nature.
The British left behind their potty which goes against these laws.
It induces constipation, causes fecal stagnation, enlarges the prostate, leads to infection and weakens the muscles of the lower body.”
Tapan Ghosh

“God's everywhere.
So remember when you go to the toilet not to laugh.”
Anthony T.Hincks

Will Advise
“Social networks are so full of wasted time - they could be compared to a waste disposal system. Flush, before you go and waste no time to go.”
Will Advise, Nothing is here...

“It's when you have a square toilet seat that you start shitting bricks.”
Anthony T. Hincks

“It's when you swim in the toilet that you don't want to wear the floaties that are bobbing up and down by your head.”
Anthony T.Hincks

Jun'ichirō Tanizaki
“Щоразу, коли в одному з храмів Кіото чи Нари я потрапляю до старосвітньої вбиральні, тьмавої й бездоганно чистої, вкотре подивляю довершеність японської архітектури. Краще від вбиральні пристосовані до душевного спочинку хіба що кімнати для чаювального чину. Несила описати відчуття, коли, віддалившись від головної зали в пропахлий листям і мохом затінок дерев чи просто в дальній кінець коридору, присядеш навпочіпки в напівсвітлі й поринеш у задуму, задивившись на яскраві прямокутники сьодзі чи на сад на подвір'ї, коли стулки сьодзі розсунуті.”
Jun'ichirō Tanizaki

« previous 1