Adulting 101 Quotes

“He just . . . Nick just wanted to be special. He wanted to be Luke, with a destiny. He wanted to be Frodo, with a quest. He wanted to be an unlikely hero and do something that mattered, but there are no quests in the real world, where everything is much bigger and more tangled and complex than in the stories he loves. In the real world, small people don’t get to be heroes, and Nick is the smallest person he knows.”
― Lisa Henry, Adulting 101

“If Nick were on a quest to return the One Ring to the fiery pits of Mount Doom, Jai Hazenbrook would totally be the hot-as-fuck elf in tight leather pants who could shoot the left testicle off an orc at a thousand paces. Whereas Nick, of course, would be the short hairy-footed guy who liked beer and fireworks and second breakfasts. Even in his fantasy worlds, Nick is a realist.”
― Lisa Henry, Adulting 101

“It was an accident?” Nick attempts. “An accident?” Chris huffs out. “An accident? You accidentally gave someone a blowjob?” If Nick never hears the word “blowjob” come out of his dad’s mouth again, he’ll die a happy man.”
― Lisa Henry, Adulting 101

“Nick’s job is super dull. He mostly takes care of answering the phone and doing filing, and stapling things. Sometimes the things don’t even need stapling, but Nick does it anyway. He makes shiny little railroad tracks along the tops of documents. His record is thirty-eight staples on one thing. Then he picked thirty-seven of them out again because he remembered he was supposed to be professional.
Adulting is hard.
The struggle is real.”
― Lisa Henry, Adulting 101

“Are we Netflix and chilling?” he asks. Jai makes a face. “I don’t know what that means.” “Are you twenty-five or are you eighty-five?” Nick asks, eyes bright. “Whippersnapper,” Jai grumbles, and Nick laughs.”
― Lisa Henry, Adulting 101

“Nick is also supportive. Once, when Devon was dating a girl back in high school, Nick had even helped him research how to give oral. Seriously, the internet knows everything. Except how to alleviate a cramped tongue, apparently, which had been Devon’s downfall in the end.”
― Lisa Henry, Adulting 101

“It's really hard to keep count of the minutes when we're fucking, Jai!" Nick counters, his voice rising. "I'm very easily distracted by your perfect ass and your incredible dick!"
Someone downstairs drops something breakable.
"Please tell me your dad doesn't have a shotgun," Jai whispers in the sudden, terrible silence.”
― Lisa Henry, Adulting 101

“I think that when we're little, they tell us stories about being heroes and saving the universe, and then when we get older, they tell us to grow up and stop believing in dumb stories anymore.”
― Lisa Henry, Adulting 101

“After lunch he steals another pen from the office supplies.
He calls it Gloria, and decides that it's his favorite.”
― Lisa Henry, Adulting 101

“My mom and stepdad will be away, and since the last thing Lewis used the pool for was so his pastor could come over and, like, adult baptize people, I'm counting on you and Nick to get in the water and really gay it up.”
― Lisa Henry, Adulting 101

“Jai almost laughs when, a few seconds later, Nick comes into view out the front window, punching the air in victory. He even does a weird little dance.
"I can still see you," Jai calls out the window.
Nick freezes like a raccoon caught in a porch light, then very slowly turns around to face the window. He gives Jai an awkward wave.”
― Lisa Henry, Adulting 101

“Devon's too scared to make a move because he's been crippled by the weight of his male privilege. He only discovered it a few months ago, and it's shaken him up pretty badly.”
― Lisa Henry, Adulting 101

“It was an accident?" Nick attempts.
"An accident?" Chris huffs out. "An accident? You accidentally gave someone a blowjob?”
― Lisa Henry, Adulting 101

“Nick's job is super dull. He mostly takes care of answering the phone and doing filing, and stapling things. Sometimes the things don't even need stapling, but Nick does it anyway. He makes shiny little railroad tracks along the tops of documents. His record is thirty-eight staples on one thing. Then he picked thirty-seven of them out again because he remembered he was supposed to be professional.”
― Lisa Henry, Adulting 101

“Nick's not the kind of guy who can write sonnets or anything, mostly because he can't remember how to, but if he happens to have a page in his notebook dedicated entirely to ass-related haikus, that's his business, right?”
― Lisa Henry, Adulting 101

“Kinky shit may be awesome and hot and incredible. It may also be blue cheese.”
― Lisa Henry, Adulting 101