Freshmen Quotes

“My phone started flashing on the bed. I looked at the screen, then looked up. "Fuck."
"Who is it?" Negin frowned. "Why do you look so scared?"
"Oh my god, is it ISIS?" Frankie yelled.
"Yes, it's ISIS," Negin yelled back. "They always phone Phoebe before they strike.”
― Tom Ellen, Freshers

“What should I do?" I turned to Negin.
"I don't know."
"Are you a doctor or not?" I screeched.
"As I have said a thousand times, I won't be a doctor for seven years.”
― Tom Ellen, Freshers

“It's fucking Donald Trump-level wankerdom.”
― Tom Ellen, Freshers

“The niche stuff is the best stuff.”
― Tom Ellen, Freshers

“Wow." Josh stopped and ran a hand over his shaved head. "I mean, yeah, there's no beating that. That's the Usain Bolt of embarrassing texts. That's made me feel a lot better, actually."
"Oh, good. Great. Glad my shit-show of a life could be of service.”
― Tom Ellen, Freshers

“Phones have caused all my uni dramas to date. You wouldn't catch Elizabeth Bennet sending a comedy guinea pig picture to Darcy. She'd have to paint it and then send it by horseman.”
― Tom Ellen, Freshers