Fire Down Below Quotes

“I don’t think one stalker is allowed to call another stalker a stalker.”
― Debra Anastasia, Fire Down Below

“Hey, pharmacist here. Bodily fluids don’t scare me. Neither do yeast infections or wild hair-remover rashes.” He moved her hand and leaned down to give her a long hug.
He’s hugging me.
Me.”
― Debra Anastasia, Fire Down Below

“Dove tried to take her mind away from his man meat, but it was like her brain was paralyzed by dick osmosis. Johnson’s feet were big, which meant…
He has a monster cock.”
― Debra Anastasia, Fire Down Below

“The two sat quietly on the park bench, and Dove liked it. If she sat perfectly still, neither could ruin the moment. He seemed to feel the change as well as they watched two squirrels bound about in front of them. The squirrels were adorable and brave, jumping close to Dove and Johnson—maybe because they were motionless. Dove wanted to comment on the Disneyesque scene in front of them but kept her words on the tip of her tongue, not wanting to spoil the quiet. The two squirrels sat side by side, each a mirror of the other, munching on acorns in their paws. With their fuzzy faces and sweet, black eyes, they reminded Dove of exactly why she loved the park. Next to her, Johnson sighed in contentment. The male squirrel dropped his nut and jumped quickly behind the female squirrel. Oh dear God! Don’t do it. You horny little bastard! The male squirrel refused to read Dove’s mind and started climbing on the female squirrel. Dove heard Johnson’s groan of disgust as the male began the motions of copulation. She shook her head. Fucking figures. The tender new feelings between Dove and this handsome man were now spoiled with the obscene visual of the hairy rodents humping. Johnson had to comment. “Wow. Squirrels usually engage in some style of MATING dance.” He looked around the park for other examples to prove his point. “Much like humans, they’re attracted to the smell of the GENITALS and fancy tail motions.” Dove tried to figure out where she belonged in this conversation that he apparently thought was acceptable small talk. The obscene, public intercourse ended with one final, furry pump. The female never even dropped her nut. “Well, I guess that was a dinner date.” Dove covered her mouth and shook her head. She prayed for a flock of hungry hawks to swoop in and eat the little Snow White porn stars so she and Mr. Gorgeouspants could just stop talking about nether regions for a minute. “This time of the year, NUTS are more important than anything else.”
― Debra Anastasia, Fire Down Below

“He apologized profusely. “I knew that frog position was too freaky. I’m sorry.”
“It’s not that, Johnson. Did you notice that like every third thrust I was like a virgin? That was my asshole.” Dove put a hand on his shoulder.”
― Debra Anastasia, Fire Down Below

“She was a dirty porn author, and God knows what evil she was harvesting,”
― Debra Anastasia, Fire Down Below

“Dove held out a hand to Johnson, and he took it—not because they were fleeing a fire and not because she was holding a million dollars. He took her hand to wrap his fingers around hers.

His long, long fingers.

Her knees went a little watery. Johnson placed a hand on her lower back to steady her. Her ass went a little watery. The trip up her stairs took longer than Ulysses on his epic journey. Johnson took the keys from her hand and opened her door.”
― Debra Anastasia, Fire Down Below

“Dove found Flower waiting outside her apartment. Flower was staring at her Doc Martins and in a very slow-motion move; she looked up at Dove.

“Jesus!” Flower’s eyes were wide and her mouth stayed open.

Dove wanted to ask, “Bad Jesus or good Jesus?”, but Flower had already used almost half her allotted words on Dove’s predicament. She felt guilty asking for more.”
― Debra Anastasia, Fire Down Below

“Okay, just a heads-up. It’s definitely not good to put any fruits or plant life near your genitals.” He made a V with his hands and formed his own pretend vagina in front of his pants.”
― Debra Anastasia, Fire Down Below

“You sure we don’t have to stop and register your beaver with the police as a deadly weapon?” He laughed at his own comment.”
― Debra Anastasia, Fire Down Below

“No. I wouldn’t screw Duke with someone else’s ten foot pole.”
― Debra Anastasia, Fire Down Below

“She waved at Marge, the ticket seller, who was knee-deep in a bodice ripper romance book by Debra Anastasia”
― Debra Anastasia, Fire Down Below

“I just want to make sure he’s a good fit for her. She has problems—craps her pants, stuff like that. If she needs help, I want to be there.”
― Debra Anastasia, Fire Down Below

“One of Duke’s very strict rules was to take his dick out any time a woman demanded it of him. He reached deep and put his favorite friend carefully on the fake wood.

She turned and cringed. “Jesus, dicks are so fucking ugly. Why you think putting your grandmother’s jewelry on it will make it more fetching is beyond me.”

Duke covered his dick’s ears and snarled back at Dove, “You’ll hurt his feelings.”
― Debra Anastasia, Fire Down Below

“So, are you moving in?” Dove tried to look like she was casually leaning against a lamppost. But there was no lamppost, so it looked more like she had injured her back or one of her legs was shorter than the other.”
― Debra Anastasia, Fire Down Below

“Dove hated that he knew way too much about her now. He knew she had a big girl boner for Johnson, he knew she’d tried to remove her crotch hair and had crapped her pants. It was Shameful with a capital Shit.”
― Debra Anastasia, Fire Down Below

“Holy tit fungus! Did you give Sasquatch an autopsy in here? God almighty, girl.” He waddled back into the hallway, this time holding his privates with both hands. “You balded the dick mitten. Nice. Let me see it.”
He looked at her like she might drop trou simply because he suggested it.

“I would rather lick a monkey’s armpit than show you my vagina.” Dove gave him the finger.

“You know what I love best about a naked muff hole? It looks just like a camel’s dangly lips.” Duke extended his own lips to make them appear gummy and slack.”
― Debra Anastasia, Fire Down Below

“He stopped, finally, and smiled. “Honestly? With this thing I think I could get my jerk-off muscles so well-developed that I could rub out a spooge with one pump! If that’s not worth $19.95, I don’t know what is.”
― Debra Anastasia, Fire Down Below

“Oh God. We’re talking about me being naked, in the shower with cooter cream. Please world, end. Kill me.

“I know it’s not soap. I just… if it’s scented… I can’t do scented. Flowers and stuff like that. Fruit-flavored soaps make… things… burnish.” She could tell from the peeks at his face Mr. Fitzwell had never stepped foot in bath and lotion store, wanting to try the array of fun fragrances. Nor had he purchased Peppermint Candy shower gel, foamed up his nether regions, and felt like he had dipped them in lava. Dove crossed and uncrossed her legs at the memory.

Mr. Fitzwell seemed concerned. “Okay, just a heads-up. It’s definitely not good to put any fruits or plant life near your genitals.” He made a V with his hands and formed his own pretend vagina in front of his pants.

Dove covered her eyes and tried to defend herself because now she could hear the sickly older woman beating her supporters with a purse.

Dove’s mumbling got louder with her embarrassment. “I don’t put weird things down… there. Just make sure that the cream’s vagina-scented. Just plain. For vaginas.” She kept her eyes on the counter.”
― Debra Anastasia, Fire Down Below

“Pants are afraid of my dick.”
― Debra Anastasia, Fire Down Below

“Dove turned and gave him a “what the fuck are you doing—at least you’re wearing pants, fudge dick” look.”
― Debra Anastasia, Fire Down Below

“bet Debra Anastasia has a suction button or something on her pussy. Why else would that poor man stay with her?”
― Debra Anastasia, Fire Down Below

“she had a date. She loved toying with them. Johnson’s voice caused her to jump and fart at the same time. She was hoping her little scream of surprise drowned out the unladylike noise.”
― Debra Anastasia, Fire Down Below

“Dove ripped her panties off her body like the Hulk and threw them in the corner.”
― Debra Anastasia, Fire Down Below

“Dove still couldn’t trust herself to speak without blubbering. But she could kiss. Not Lotsa, not a dressed-up weirdo. Just Dove. She pulled her hand from its sweet prison and touched his face. She leaned in to kiss him, and instead of worrying about which way her nose was pointing, if her armpits were sweating, or if there was a funky taste in her mouth left over from dinner, she thought about lips and touch and kissing. When Johnson moaned, Dove felt so powerful she could have head-butted a dinosaur to death.”
― Debra Anastasia, Fire Down Below

“Kisses that danced with smiles tasted amazing.”
― Debra Anastasia, Fire Down Below

“Are you leaving the rollers in on purpose?” He was concerned again.
Dove bit her lip. Her womb wanted to hump his face.”
― Debra Anastasia, Fire Down Below

“Dove’s heart broke. He’d been so hopeful until cock rings and butt fucking ruined his career.”
― Debra Anastasia, Fire Down Below

“For days after her horrendous meeting with Mr. Johnson Loudy McSexypus Fitzwell, Dove would stop to just blush from head to toe.”
― Debra Anastasia, Fire Down Below

“Chocolate, something salty, and a box of hag rags gave”
― Debra Anastasia, Fire Down Below