Ready to Were Quotes

“Her eyes narrowed, but she wasn't yelling.
I think she liked me... kind of. The way a mother would like an annoying spastic two year old who belonged to someone else.”
― Robyn Peterman, Ready to Were

“You’re my BFF and I would shred someone’s skin from their body and shove their bones down their dead ass throat for you.”
― Robyn Peterman, Ready to Were

“Don't know. Never let a wolf near my neck." He grinned and gave me a quick hug. "I love you, Essie. Before you came into my life, I had considered ending myself. Three hundred years is a long time to be alone. You've given me hope, a career as a drag queen and a dysfunctional family. I am supremely grateful. Bite me."

And because I trusted him....I did.”
― Robyn Peterman, Ready to Were

“Hanks grin almost sent me into meltdown. The kind where I killed him, but first I would stick my tongue down his throat and ride him till he was blind.”
― Robyn Peterman, Ready to Were

“Chapter 1 “You’re joking.” “No, actually I’m not,” my boss said and slapped the folder into my hands. “You leave tomorrow morning and I don’t want to see your hairy ass till this is solved.” I looked wildly around her office for something to lob at her head. It occurred to me that might not be the best of ideas, but desperate times led to stupid measures. She could not do this to me. I’d worked too hard and I wasn’t going back. Ever. “First of all, my ass is not hairy except on a full moon and you’re smoking crack if you think I’m going back to Georgia.” Angela crossed her arms over her ample chest and narrowed her eyes at me. “Am I your boss?” she asked. “Is this a trick question?”
― Robyn Peterman, Ready to Were

“You’re joking.” “No, actually I’m not,” my boss said and slapped the folder into my hands. “You leave tomorrow morning and I don’t want to see your hairy ass till this is solved.” I looked wildly around her office for something to lob at her head. It occurred to me that might not be the best of ideas, but desperate times led to stupid measures. She could not do this to me. I’d worked too hard and I wasn’t going back. Ever. “First of all, my ass is not hairy except on a full moon and you’re smoking crack if you think I’m going back to Georgia.” Angela crossed her arms over her ample chest and narrowed her eyes at me. “Am I your boss?” she asked. “Is this a trick question?”
― Robyn Peterman, Ready to Were

“I think she liked me…kind of. The way a mother would like an annoying spastic two year old who belonged to someone else.”
― Robyn Peterman, Ready to Were

“Will you guys by okay?" I asked granny and BFF.

"Oh, hell yeah. We're gonna play Twister and then try on wigs and girdles," Granny informed us.”
― Robyn Peterman, Ready to Were

“The Vampyres were loosey goosey, the Witches were nuts and the freakin’ Fairies were downright pushovers, but not the Weres. Nope, if you enlisted you were in for life.”
― Robyn Peterman, Ready to Were

“It took a lot to render me silent, like learning my grandma had been a stripper in her youth, and that all male Werewolves were hung like horses… but this was horrific.”
― Robyn Peterman, Ready to Were

“Oh my god,” I shrieked. “Who did I screw over in a former life that those douches get to go to cool cities and I have to go home to an island called Hung?” “Those douches do have hairy asses and not just on a full moon. You’re the only female agent I have that looks like a model so you’re going to Georgia. Period.” “Fine. I’ll quit. I’ll open a bakery.” Angela smiled and an icky feeling skittered down my spine. “Excellent, I’ll let you tell the Council that all the money they invested in your training is going to be flushed down the toilet”
― Robyn Peterman, Ready to Were

“Hung Island, Georgia,”
― Robyn Peterman, Ready to Were

“Juju was a rabbit shifter and made the best pizza known to man. It was so damn good that every wolf in the surrounding area had voluntarily given up eating rabbit in their animal form. No one would take the risk of accidentally eating Juju. No one. “Yes, I did and apparently Bat Boy isn’t joking”
― Robyn Peterman, Ready to Were

“I’ll bet you five hundred dollars she’s gonna bang him,” Dwayne told Angela. “I’ll bet you a thousand that you’re right,” she shot back.”
― Robyn Peterman, Ready to Were

“The branch that currently had me by the metaphorical balls was WTF—Werewolf Treaty Federation.”
― Robyn Peterman, Ready to Were

“Not just any Vampyre…A three hundred year old gay drag queen Vampyre who can blow up Dragons.”
― Robyn Peterman, Ready to Were

“My brother holds a masters in biochemical engineering, speaks four languages fluently and has a doctorate in engineering.”
― Robyn Peterman, Ready to Were

“What in the Sam Hill was that?” Junior shouted. “She hit every kill zone twice, then blew his balls to Kingdom Come.”
― Robyn Peterman, Ready to Were

“He’s her mate and he dipped his stick in several other…actually many other oil tanks. So she dumped his furry player ass, snuck away in the middle of the night and hadn’t really planned on ever going back there again.” Dwayne sucked in a huge breath, which was ridiculous because Vampyres didn’t breathe.”
― Robyn Peterman, Ready to Were

“I’ll bet you five hundred dollars she’s gonna bang him,” Dwayne told Angela. “I’ll bet you a thousand that you’re right,” she shot back. “You’re on.”
― Robyn Peterman, Ready to Were

“I knew you were working this stretch this morning and I was hoping to get arrested and felt up by a sexy sheriff”
― Robyn Peterman, Ready to Were

“In the privacy of our bedroom it would be great, but in public where any man can see the color of your panties--no." "Thong," I corrected him. "Worse," he replied. "Aren't you gonna feel me up and check for weapons?”
― Robyn Peterman, Ready to Were

“None of us stands a chance against a pissed off psychotic flying reptile the size of a football stadium.”
― Robyn Peterman, Ready to Were

“This music is going to make me yack.” Dwayne moaned and put his hands over his ears.”
― Robyn Peterman, Ready to Were

“I was amazing,” Dwayne squealed triumphantly as he landed gracefully in the middle of the room. “I did the meld and they bubbled and turned a lovely bluish-orange-green and then BOOM! The sound was incredible. Absolutely fabulous—like fornicating cats and Madonna.”
― Robyn Peterman, Ready to Were

“Puck Flare’s eyes turned blood red and narrowed to slits. “What have you done to me?” he demanded as a spear of fire flew from his lips. “What have you done?” Ducking so I didn’t fry was necessary, but he did ask a question. I’d been raised in the South and was occasionally polite. The man deserved an answer. “I”
― Robyn Peterman, Ready to Were

“Where’s Granny?” “She stayed in town. Go, go, go.” Junior quickly shifted and left. “Dwayne?” I inquired. “He’s also in town doing crowd control, seeing as he was the one who caused the massive disaster.” “You left a Vampyre and my granny in charge?” I was shocked and impressed. “Not just any Vampyre…A three hundred year old gay drag queen Vampyre who can blow up Dragons.”
― Robyn Peterman, Ready to Were

“Are your panties up your ass?” Dwayne asked, concerned. “No. Why?” “Well, it looked like you were adjusting your hoohoo and I figured…” “Dwayne,” I hissed. “I was not adjusting my hoohoo. I was checking my gun, which I wear on the inside of my thigh, but thank you for your concern.” “Welcome.”
― Robyn Peterman, Ready to Were

“I love you, Essie. Before you came into my life, I had considered ending myself. Three hundred years is a long time to be alone. You’ve given me hope, a career as a drag queen and a dysfunctional family. I am supremely grateful. Bite me.” And”
― Robyn Peterman, Ready to Were

“Can I ask you something weird?” Dwayne inquired. “Does it pertain?” “Yes.” “Fine, but hurry. I’m due in the agency in ten.” “Don’t speak till I finish,” Dwayne said in a weary voice I’d never heard. “I am going to bite you. I will drink a very small amount of your blood so I can track you definitively. I don’t trust my sense of smell enough where your life is concerned. You will then bite me and drink. You will find it disgusting, disturbing and possibly somewhat erotic, which is gross because you’re straight and I’m gay, but you will do it. My blood will give you vampire strength. It’s temporary, so don’t freak. Let’s do it.” “Was all that a joke?” I stammered. “What? The straight and gay part?” He was confused. “Or the temporary part?” “All of it,” I yelled.”
― Robyn Peterman, Ready to Were