King Dork Quotes

“Normal: lacking in taste, compassion, understanding, kindness, and ordinary human decency.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“Monty Python: A documentary series on everyday life in Great Britain.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“High School is the penalty for transgressions yet to be specified.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“Maybe they notice me wincing whenever I hear them say it, but I don't know: there are all sorts of reasons I could be wincing. Life is a wince-a-thon.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“There's always a bit of suspense about the particular way in which a given school year will get off to a bad start.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“Girls have all the same parts, basically, and so much of how they look depends on the attitude, expectations, and obsessions of those who are looking at them.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“D and D: a role-playing game played only by very cool guys.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“Sam Hellerman is a genius!”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“I was starting to realize the extent of the problem here: everyone is always lying to each other, and even when they're trying to tell the truth, it can still be misleading or wrong. In fact, it almost always is wrong from at least one angle. I mean, the truth is really just a better class of lie.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“It was more like an abortion than music, but he got a wildly enthusiastic response from the crowd. Well, we're all pro-choice out here in Hillmont, after all.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“I felt bad, but I did it anyway, because I'm only human. I was ashamed of myself and depressed afterward, though, which is human, too, I guess. Being human is an excuse for just about everything, but it also kind of sucks in a way.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“I felt bad because Little Big Tom came in while we were making the tape and was like over the moon because he thought we were interested in his music. We had to humor him and listen to him deliver around six hundred speeches about fusion and the Art Ensemble of Chicago and Chicano and Latino influences on pretentious jazzy pseudorock. I think it was probably the happiest I'd ever seen him. And I also felt bad about the fact that after he left we kind of made fun of the funny way he said Latino, like he was the Frito Bandito or something. I felt bad, but I did it anyway, because I'm only human. I was ashamed of myself and depressed afterward, though, which is human, too, I guess. Being human is an excuse for just about everything, but it also kind of sucks in a way.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“You can make something mean anything you want. And you can spend a great deal of time and effort choosing your words and allusions and quotations carefully and hardly anyone will even notice or get it anyway.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“1975 was a great year for rock and roll, and don’t believe anyone who tells you different.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“Life is a wince-a-thon.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“And as for you, Holden, old son: if you happen to meet my body coming through the rye, I'd really appreciate it if you'd just stand aside and get out of my fucking way.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“No one does antimaterialism better than multigazillionaire rock stars.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“I'm not any religion myself, but for the record, I'm pretty sure I do believe in God. It's just a feeling I have. I can't prove it, but since when are you supposed to prove a feeling? God is the only situation where they expect you to do that. Plus, God embarrasses people. Which I totally enjoy.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“Communication is pointless and we're all doomed.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“When I dream of how it would be if I were suddenly transformed into the kind of guy that does not repulse the females of our species, I don’t necessarily think of any particular girl. Pick”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“The entire second-period sophomore girls’ PE class thought my balls were uniquely and supremely beneath contempt. Great.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“What he meant was that he had fixed some vegetarian slop with lentils and bean-curd lumps and weird-tasting fake cheese, and that we were welcome to have a crack at choking some of it down. So Sam Hellerman hightailed it out of there. Lucky bastard.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“Now, if this were a murder mystery, and I were a weird Belgian guy with a big mustache, this is the point where I would suddenly stop dead, drop my tiny glass of chocolate liqueur, and say something like “But no! But I have been an imbecile! Imbécile!” And then you’d have to wait another fifty pages or so to find out exactly what the hell I had been talking about. But I won’t do that to you. The salutation”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“You start by allowing your own world to be corrupted by their warped values, and then you gradually start using their sadistic methods and eventually end up adopting bits of their sick ideology. And even then, when you have become just like them, they will eventually turn on you anyway. Normal people are savage beasts.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“The guy who wrote The Doors of Perception got off way easier, though, especially since the worst band in the history of the world, the Doors, named themselves after it. He has a lot to answer for.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“And believe me, you don’t want to be around Migraine Mom. I strongly recommend avoiding that subject.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“I’m a very spiritual person,” she likes to say, for instance. Like when she’s explaining how she hates religion and all those who practice it. Well, okay, if it makes you feel better, Carol.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“HIGH SCHOOL IS THE PENALTY FOR TRANSGRESSIONS YET TO BE SPECIFIED”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“I mean, everything beats me, even twos and threes.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork

“I was starting to realize the extent of the problem here: everyone is always lying to each other, and even when they're trying to tell the truth, it can still be misleading or wrong. In fact, it almost always is wrong from at least one angle. I mean, in a way, the truth is really just a better class of lie.”
― Frank Portman, King Dork