Practical Demonkeeping Quotes

“If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“I've seen more intelligence in the crotch lice of harem whores.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“I can be most colorful and inventive when I am angry.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“By Aladdin's lamplit scrotum, man! Everything is a story. What is there but stories? Stories are the only truth.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“May the IRS find that you deduct your pet sheep as an entertainment expense.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“The netherworld is timeless and unchanging, and boring -- much like a doctor's waiting room.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“The prospect of change is a many-fanged beast, my dear.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“Nothing evokes the prurient like puritanism.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“Slowly and gently, Augustus Brine explained to the king of the Djinn about the illusion created by motion pictures. When he finished, he felt like he had just raped the tooth fairy in front of a class of kindergartners.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“Everything is a story. What is there but stories? Stories are the only truth.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“One day the good times had to keep on rolling, and all of life's horseshit would turn to circuses.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“Rachel could not believe what she was hearing. Accepting that her magic worked was a huge step, yet she was speaking to the evidence. But to be offered the power to rule the world? She wasn't sure her career in exercise instruction had prepared her for this.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“He had tapped into the Zen of ignorance, the enlightenment of absurdity.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“In business, as in politics, the public is ever so tolerant of those who slime.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“Cookies snitched from the jar are always sweeter than those served on a plate, and nothing evokes the prurient like puritanism.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“For the tourist, immersed in the oblivion of vacation spending, Cypress Street provided a bonanza of curious gifts to prove to the folks back home that they had been somewhere. Somewhere where they had obviously forgotten that soon they would return home to a mortgage, dental bills, and an American Express bill that would descend at the end of the month like a financial Angel of Death. And they bought. They bought effigies of”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“Everyone at the bar turned toward The Breeze and waited, as if the next few words he spoke would reveal the true meaning of life, the winning numbers of the lottery, and the unlisted phone number of God.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“Creatures of the night were rising from their resting places and venturing forth to feed on their unsuspecting victims.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“The garlic bread lay there between them, steaming with implications. They, of course, must both eat it or neither could. Garlic bread meant garlic breath. There might be a kiss later, maybe more. There was just too damn much intimacy in garlic bread.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“In Breeze’s business one got used to running across the skeletons in people’s closets. If Billy’s skeleton wore women’s underwear, it didn’t really matter. Homosexuality on Billy Winston was like acne on a leper.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“Epicurus, that a good life was one dedicated to the pursuit of simple pleasures, tempered with justice and prudence.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“The only constant in this life is change, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Give yourself a break.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“All mystical experience is coincidence; and vice versa, of course. —Tom Stoppard, Jumpers”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“You don’t park in the handicapped space lest the forces of irony give you a reason to, and you don’t speak ill of the dead unless you want to get bagged next.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“Never underestimate the number of people who would love to see you fail.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“And then again, maybe he could just climb a stream of angel piss to heaven.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“Strangely enough, Brine took comfort in the fact that this experience was invalidating every assumption he had ever made about the nature of the world. He had tapped into the Zen of ignorance, the enlightenment of absurdity.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“What’s morality?” “It’s the difference between what is right and what you can rationalize.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“I found you here, Augustus Brine, listening to the noise of the universe, holding in your heart a spark of hope, like all fishermen, but resolved to be disappointed.”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

“I’ve known him for seventy years. I’ll vouch for his lack of character”
― Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping