Scouting for the Reaper Quotes

“Nothing spices up one's sex life like having a partner.”
― Jacob M. Appel, Scouting for the Reaper

“Nothing sells tombstones like a Girl Scout in uniform.”
― Jacob M. Appel, Scouting for the Reaper

“A century ago, people laughed at the notion that we were descended from monkeys. Today, the individuals most offended by that claim are the monkeys.”
― Jacob M. Appel, Scouting for the Reaper

“Know your load. That’s rule numero uno in this business, which is why I make them count the penguins out in front of me one at a time. I’m not going to be the schmuck who shows up in Orlando two
birds short of a dinner party....I know I’m pulling out of Houston with exactly forty-two Gentoo penguins, seventeen Jamaican land iguanas, four tuataras from New Zealand, and a pair of rare, civet-like mammals called linsangs. No more, no less.”
― Jacob M. Appel, Scouting for the Reaper

“Another family crisis: The rabbit goes blind.”
― Jacob M. Appel, Scouting for the Reaper

“Nobody loses weight eating anyplace with laminated menus.”
― Jacob M. Appel, Scouting for the Reaper

“That was the one advantage of growing old - it let you be nasty with impunity.”
― Jacob M. Appel, Scouting for the Reaper

“He had a knack for expressing sober what most men only dared say drunk.”
― Jacob M. Appel, Scouting for the Reaper

“Now I know how to make it as a pedophile. Forget lollypops. Antarctic wildlife is the ticket.”
― Jacob M. Appel, Scouting for the Reaper