Discount Dan Quotes

“This,” the mimic finally said, “is the single best day of my life. One, I have a new friend. Two, that friend still has all of their body parts and doesn’t have hemorrhoids. And, three, that friend has been to a water park and is going to tell me about it. Dreams really do come true.”
― James A. Hunter, Discount Dan

“I just donkey-kicked a toddler into the equivalent of a sentient bear trap,”
― James Hunter, Discount Dan: Discount Dan's Backroom Bargains, Book 1

“The timer resets at exactly 12:00 AM Newfoundland Standard Time (NST). Why Newfoundland Standard Time? Because fuck you”
― James A. Hunter, Discount Dan

“If the Marine Corps had taught me one thing”
― James A. Hunter, Discount Dan

“Stasis Halo would lock the mimic down faster than a boot Marine buying a used Dodge Charger at a twenty-one percent interest rate.”
― James A. Hunter, Discount Dan

“Not much bigger than the arcade they had at the Kenwood Towne Mall in Cincinnati.”
― James A. Hunter, Discount Dan

“Yay!” Croc cheered. “Let’s go crush our enemies and consume their corpses in preparation for our own dark ascension.”
― James A. Hunter, Discount Dan

“prescriptions sent, you rube. And there, hunched behind the service counter, is the Blight-infested Harmacist. Clad in a tattered lab coat and wielding dirty syringes, the Harmacist revels in corrupting the flesh and providing drugs that fall outside of your insurance coverage.”
― James A. Hunter, Discount Dan

“So, you’ve had a hard day at the office and suffered a catastrophic crippling blow that has left you tiptoeing on the line between life and death? Just another average Tuesday in Newfoundland. Crack the fridge and pull out a refreshing, medical-grade Zima—The #1 Bone Healing Juice on the Market! Guaranteed to make your Insides feel like Glimflam! Reward: The delicious, refreshing, lightly carbonated taste of Zima is its own reward, amiright?”
― James A. Hunter, Discount Dan

“Perfect. Not only was I going to die—I was going to die in the most excruciating way possible. My ninth-grade math teacher had been right all along.”
― James A. Hunter, Discount Dan