Age of Conquest Quotes

“splitting”
― Jez Cajiao, Age of Conquest

“Infidel!" he declared stridently.
"Dickhead," I replied conversationally.”
― Jez Cajiao, Age of Conquest

“... ten seconds of frantic digging later, let him put his head through to say hello.
Or, you know, "die heathens, in the fire of cleansing plasma," as was more the case.”
― Jez Cajiao, Age of Conquest

“Their idea of stealth is wearing a plant on their head and punching anyone who looks at them!”
― Jez Cajiao, Age of Conquest

“Nope!" I barked. "Stop right there, you bugger!"
"But—"
"I've got more!"
"Oh?!" Finn was back, elbowing Johnstone and Trust aside quickly enough he could have been teleported. "More please?" He held his hands out hopefully, making me think of that scene from Oliver
"Now this one..." I pulled the multitool out and hefted it, before yanking it back as he tried to grab it. "Ah! Down!" I snapped, as the others laughed.
"But..." He whined, his eyes tracking the multitool desperately.
"This is a copy of a fucking copy. It's possibly highly dangerous and NOT to be used outside of controlled areas...ones that you set up in the dungeon and you have the glassine help you with, all right?" I demanded. "They warned that a side effect could be igniting the atmosphere if you fuck with it, so you be careful, and do not burn up my planet!"
"I'll be good!" Finn assured me hastily, taking it a lot more gingerly, before squinting at me again. "Anything else?"
"Just this." I handed over the chains as well and glared at him. "It's called the Chain of Binding. I don't know how it works, so I don't recommend any kinky shit!"
"I make no promises," he deadpanned.”
― Jez Cajiao, Age of Conquest

“I shrugged, accepting that I should have offered it, anyway. Good manners cost nothing, even in a duel with elemental spirits in a dungeon.”
― Jez Cajiao, Age of Conquest

“Oi!" I shouted, spinning around. "Get away from that, you tentacled twat!”
― Jez Cajiao, Age of Conquest

“That's a relief," I admitted. "So, you're aware...does that mean you were a criminal back home?"
"Yes."
"And?"
"And what?"
"What were you convicted of?" I asked.
"Ah. Improper use of resources."
"Right...What did you do?"
"I destroyed the sun."
"WHAT?" I practically screamed.
"I jest."
"I fucking hope so! What did you do?"
"We were volunteers," it said.”
― Jez Cajiao, Age of Conquest

“I hate you," I muttered, before climbing onto the tracks and glaring at her as she grinned.
"That's a good Dungeon Lord," she praised me. "I'd pat your head and give you a cookie, but I haven't got any and I don't want to. Now run.”
― Jez Cajiao, Age of Conquest

“He deserved to be shaved bald and punted up the arse into the nearest snowdrift! He wasn't a good kitty. He was a—”
― Jez Cajiao, Age of Conquest

“Crashing to the ground and bouncing, I rolled until I came to a stop, staring up that the gradually brightening sky, panting with both pain and panic, relief and—frankly—terror at how close I'd come to turning myself into a bomb and painting the surrounding area.
I eventually managed to speak, taking in the cold, bright-blue sky as it was revealed high overhead.
"I hate that fucking cat," I whispered, meaning every damn word.”
― Jez Cajiao, Age of Conquest