Keedie Quotes

“People who are not autistic tell themselves stories. They fill in the gaps of the people they meet, often with information that isn't correct. It's why they like horror so much. It's why they get so easily scared. They see a ghost and the ghost doesn't need to do a thing. They will complete the story, they will scare themselves.”
― Elle McNicoll, Keedie

“I wish people could understand that masking is so much more than biting your tongue and forcing yourself to be as average as possible. It's about supressing basic physiological needs. It's about hiding the parts of yourself that come naturally, so they don't seem unnatural to others. It's physical. It's insidious.”
― Elle McNicoll, Keedie

“The shrieking and cackling of other students makes me flinch and dart around them, like a fish on the reef trying to avoid barracudas. Their volume and their nearness is completely undeliberate, they don't know what it's doing to me, but it feels cruel. It feels like they're doing it on purpose.”
― Elle McNicoll, Keedie

“I may be forced to mask, but they choose to wear numerous faces.”
― Elle McNicoll, Keedie

“You have to be the cartographer of your own heart. Make it into a map.”
― Elle McNicoll, Keedie

“She's like the sunflower. She'll find the sun no matter how much darkness other people try to put her in.”
― Elle McNicoll, Keedie

“Some forms of bullying feel more like smoke than fire. They leave you gasping for air instead of burned. The damage is internal and harder to prove.”
― Elle McNicoll, Keedie

“When bad things happen to good people, and they react, it doesn't change who they are. We all fall down. But you never stay down.”
― Elle McNicoll, Keedie

“Some people are just meant to be these loud, happy sounds. They wake other people up. And some will cover their ears. Others will find the sound inside themselvese because they've heard yours.”
― Elle McNicoll, Keedie

“I can't stand people who say they're good when they're not.”
― Elle McNicoll, Keedie

“Want to know the worst thing about being autistic? It's not the autism."
I throw the napkin down and push back my chair.
"It's people like you.”
― Elle McNicoll, Keedie

“Schools who say they're zero tolerance about bullies turning around to give said bullies badges that make them arbiters of good behaviour, that's hard. It's hypocritical. It scrambles my brain when I try to understand it.”
― Elle McNicoll, Keedie

“Sometimes masking can feel like you're dragging a chain across the ground. Being with people who are like me feels like someone unlocking the restraints.”
― Elle McNicoll, Keedie

“I want the sound of my yell to shake every leaf and every twig of this forest, and every brick of the villager that resides next to it. I want the Water of Leith to vibrate with the sound of it. I want my voice to travel deep down under the earth, to the roots of the trees, where it will make them change shape, growing up different and shooting into the air with a gasp. I want the landscape to move. I want the wind to rush through every front door, blowing away the old attitudes and the stares and the whispers and the snide remarks.”
― Elle McNicoll, Keedie

“True silence feels impossible to find when the manmade parts of the world have been designed by people whose senses are duller.”
― Elle McNicoll, Keedie

“Being a friend is more than just sharing a sense of humour or liking the same things. It means showing up and saving your friend, especially when they don't feel that they can do it for themselves.”
― Elle McNicoll, Keedie

“The idea of a bully being jittery is so backwards to me.”
― Elle McNicoll, Keedie

“Distraction is the enemy of anxiety. A meltdown is the body exploding after continuous attempts to override and suppress. It creates a naturally avoidant state. The world will insist that you keep moving. So I will insist on stillness.”
― Elle McNicoll, Keedie

“Distraction and no obligation. It's what I crave during an autistic shutdown. I want to be taken away from the moment when everything slipped out of my reach. When their opinions of me changed forever, when they finally see behind the curtain and the mask and you realize that all of the sacrifices you made to stay safe have just been washed away.”
― Elle McNicoll, Keedie

“I'm not really interested in being someone's practice dummy.”
― Elle McNicoll, Keedie

“It's always a bully playing the victim and their target being forced back into a situation that makes them feel trapped. In danger. Embarrassed and ashamed for even speaking out in the first place.”
― Elle McNicoll, Keedie

“So, I do one bad thing and it wipes out all of the terrible things they did before? Things that went unpunished? Bullying isn't being a bit mean at one time to someone who is always mean, Mr. McDonough. That's not what bullying means.”
― Elle McNicoll, Keedie

“Sharks are lucky. They can swim all by themselves and hope that their fearsome reputation will keep them safe.”
― Elle McNicoll, Keedie

“You're in History class with me, right, Kim? Russian history with Mr. Ross? Well, guess what? My sister and her horrible friends are like Stalin and his cabinet. You're only in until someone decides you're a traitor and then you're out. Your days are numbered.”
― Elle McNicoll, Keedie