This Book Has No Title Quotes

“She looked like the kind of woman I could fall in love with. Trouble is, she was standing next to the kind of woman I’d like to make love to. 
”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“I cut an inch off of every straw I see, just to make the world suck a little less.
”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“4 am—if I’m ever up that early, it’s because I’m up that late.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“She had two lips like strawberries, and the seeds gave her kisses texture. I preferred kissing her over two scoops of vanilla ice cream.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“I talked to a calzone for fifteen minutes last night before I realized it was just an introverted pizza. I wish all my acquaintances were so tasty.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“I don’t like to celebrate my birthday, because I don’t like taking credit for others’ work—in this case, my mom and dad. Or possibly my mom and the mailman.
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― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“Love will wreck your heart like a derailed train. So choo-choose your partner wisely.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“Love is like a forest, I think as I kill trees by squandering toilet paper while “decorating” my ex girlfriend’s front yard.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“I am the sunrise of sunsets, and I make love like noon at midnight.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“At Starbucks I like ordering a “Tall venti in a grande cup.” That’s basically me asking for a small large in a medium cup.
”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“Don’t be jealous if I spend 50% of my time with you, and 50% of my time with others, because you get 100% of 50%, while all the others have to share that other 50%.” This is the speech I’ve prepared to tell my wife in the future, when I’m spending a majority minus one percent of my time with my clones.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“For me, it’s not about winning an award. It’s also about not even being nominated.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“I don’t demand much. All I expect is for you to love me so much you kill yourself just to get my attention.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“Love is like a door knob that I’ve mistaken for a shower handle, and I’m trying to turn up the heat on our relationship, but the handle won’t turn and I’ve got shampoo in my eyes and my wetsuit is dry and I started crying just as the zookeeper asked me to leave.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“I just bought a small condo overlooking the water. The water is in a cup, one floor below my unit.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“I cried so hard after I put my cat to sleep. I guess I shouldn’t have cried so hard, because with all my sobbing, I ended up waking it up.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“The police seemed to think I killed her, which is crazy, because I loved her like a thousand drops of blood dripping down a dagger.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“I’m putty in her hands. Out of her hands, I’m more like clay.
”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“Divorce is the second worst event in a person’s life. The worst event, of course, is marriage.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“I fell in love with her the moment she was late, though neither one of us knew it at the time because she hadn’t arrived yet.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“Coaching 101: First you build the team, and then you build the torture chamber for underperformers.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“I would say exploit the stupid, because they’re expendable and loyal, but it’s a fact: politicians are not loyal.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“My coffee gets increasingly better the more I drink and the closer I come to the bottom of the cup, where all the sugar is. I wonder if life is the same way as we approach the end.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“My two parents represent the single greatest influence on my life. And if my dad had been there for me, it would be the double greatest influence on my life.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“Love is a peaceful feeling, like a flower hugging a butterfly.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“I remember I laughed so hard I cried. But my response was half appropriate, because I was at a funeral.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“I skimmed the pond scum with a spoon like broth in a soup bowl. Why does everything have to remind me of her?”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“I picked up a new language a few months ago. It was just laying on the ground, dirty, so I scooped it up and popped it in my mouth.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“Loyalty is for the dogs. Count me among the cats. And count me twice—once for each of my faces.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“College has given me the confidence I need to fail.
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― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title