The Dance of Deception Quotes

“privacy shifts into secrecy when an act of deliberate concealment or hiding has a significant impact on a relationship process”
― Harriet Lerner, The Dance of Deception: A Guide to Authenticity and Truth-Telling in Women's Relationships

“Our failure to live authentically and to speak truly may have little to do with evil or exploitative intentions. Quite the contrary, pretending more frequently
reflects a wish, however misguided, to protect others and to ensure the viability of the self as well as our relationships. Pretending reflects deep prohibitions, real and imagined, against a more direct and forthright assertion of self. Pretending stems naturally from the false and constricted definitions of self that women often absorb without question. “Pretending” is so closely associated with “femininity” that it is, quite simply, what the culture teaches women to do.”
― Harriet Lerner, The Dance of Deception: A Guide to Authenticity and Truth-Telling in Women's Relationships

“But fibbing, including “polite” or social lies, can become part of the daily fabric of living—a way of avoiding conflict and complication that becomes so habitual we fail to notice even the fact of it and its imperceptible erosion of our integrity and our relationships.”
― Harriet Lerner, The Dance of Deception: A Guide to Authenticity and Truth-Telling in Women's Relationships