Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? Quotes

“My parents didn’t let me do social things on weeknights because weeknights were for homework, and maybe an episode of The X-Files if I was being a good kid (X-Files was on Friday night),”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“but when you get older, if you reference your successes in high school too much, it actually makes you look kind of pitiful, like some babbling old Tennessee Williams character with nothing else going on in her current life.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“I’m pretty happy with the way I look, so long as I don’t break a beach chair.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“So You’ve Just Finished Chelsea Handler’s Book, Now What?”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“As everyone knows, depressed people are some of the most boring people in the world. I know this because when I was depressed, people fled. Except my best friends.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“He likes to take in people past the point where the can be putting on a show to impress him.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“Gregor would reference all kinds of books and articles, and instead of paraphrasing them, like any normal lazy person, he'd insist on going online and finding the exact line or quote from the secondary source, adding another five-minute silent section to the meeting, during which he wordlessly surfed online. Later I would realize this is Greg''s signature style. He likes to take in people past the point where they can be putting on a show to impress him.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“That's what I've noticed about being 32: it is a lot of women and a lot of boys our age.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“Every couple of months or so, some boundary breaking article comes out in a nationally published magazine. The article makes a big thesis statement about relationships. Like say how, women don’t need men anymore, or how if you’re a woman over thirty-five, you should just settle with whatever guy is half-way nice to you, or how monogamy is not feasible, or plausible, or enjoyable, for any human. And we should all be swingers, or a study is released that say’s, you don’t have to love your kids anymore or something. They’re the kind of articles that are e-mailed everywhere and I get them forwarded to me about eight times. I will read one of these articles and immediately afterward I’m so swept up in it, I can’t help but think Yes, Yes, that is one-hundred percent right. Finally! Someone has confirmed that little voice in the back of my mind that has always not loved my kids, or I’m so happy I’m that much closer to my swinging lifestyle I’ve always secretly been craving. I’m normal and now it’s a national discussion and others agree and I can feel normal now. But then, a week later I’m thinking, I hate this. I feel awful. This wretched little magazine article has helped convinced more open minded liberal arts graduates that, the nuclear family doesn’t exist without some hideous twist, like the dad is allowed to go to an S & M dungeon once a week or something. It makes me cry because it means that fewer and fewer people are believing it’s cool to want what I want, which is to be married and have kids and love each other in a monogamous, long-lasting relationship.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“I have a comedy writer friend, Sandy, whose husband left her for another woman the moment his restaurant (which Sandy had invested in and made possible) became successful. It was kind of the worst story anyone had ever heard, a betrayal that, had it happened to me, I would’ve driven slowly around downtown Los Angeles at night in my car with my windows rolled down, trying to solicit a hit man to murder my husband.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“Full-on All-Night Sex-a-thon is also the name of my debut hip-hop album.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“FAR SIDE: We know you’re on Twitter. (Leaning in conspiratorially) And if you’re willing to tweet about loving Sunshine Cupcakes, this cupcake (gesturing to the one I was buying) is free. I did not know it was possible to be triple offended. First of all, Manager Woman, if you notice that a thirty-two-year-old woman is coming to your cupcake bakery every day for a week, keep that information to yourself. I don’t need to be reminded of how poor my food choices are on a regular basis. Second, how cheap and/or poor do you think I am? A cupcake costs two bucks! You think I’m miserly enough to think, like, Oh goody, I can save those two bucks for some other tiny purchase later today! And third, even if I were to buy into this weird bribey situation where I endorse your product, you think the cost of it would be one measly cupcake? The implications of this offer were far worse than anything she meant to propose, obviously, but I hate her forever nonetheless. This is why I never eat cupcakes anymore. The connotations are too disturbing. Lucky for me, the mighty doughnut is making a comeback. No one better ruin doughnuts for me, or I will be so pissed.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“This ethereal weirdo abounds in movies, but nowhere else. If she were from real life, people would think she was a homeless woman and would cross the street to avoid her, but she is essential to the male fantasy that even if a guy is boring, he deserves a woman who will find him fascinating and pull him out of himself by forcing him to go skinny-dipping in a stranger’s pool. THE”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“In my mind, the sexiest thing in the world is the feeling that you’re wanted. The slightly nervous asking of your phone number. The text message asking you to dinner. The simple overture of wanting me can satisfy my ego for a good long time.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“Men know what they want. Men make concrete plans. Men own alarm clocks. Men sleep on a mattress that isn’t on the floor. Men tip generously. Men buy new shampoo instead of adding water to a nearly empty bottle of shampoo. Men go to the dentist. Men make reservations. Men go in for a kiss without giving you some long preamble about how they’re thinking of kissing you.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“we loved reenacting what we saw. The Church Lady’s catchphrases were our catchphrases, and we repeated them until my mother said, exasperated: “Please stop saying ‘Isn’t that special?’ in that strange voice. It is annoying to me and to others.” At”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“Jocelyn is willowy and half-Asian, and while fitting the bill technically for a model, has no interest in modeling. She's just that cool. Me, on the other hand, whenever I lose, like, five pounds, I basically start considering if I should "try out" modeling.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“I might even know more divorced people than married people, because I live in godless Los Angeles, where if you’re engaged it simply means you’re publicly announcing that you are dating a person monogamishly. I”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“When smart people are nice, it’s always terrifying, because I know they’re taking in everything and thinking all kinds of smart and potentially judgmental things.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“When you’re that low on the totem pole, you sometimes think you’re so unimportant that no one can hear you.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“Nothing gives you confidence like being a member of a small, weirdly specific, hard-to-find demographic. The”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“I just want ambitious teenagers to know it is totally fine to be quiet, observant kids. Besides being a delight to your parents, you will find you have plenty of time later to catch up.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“When Your Boyfriend Fits into Your Jeans and Other Atrocities The”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“This wretched little magazine article has helped convince more open-minded liberal arts graduates that the nuclear family doesn’t exist without some hideous twist, like the dad is allowed to go to an S&M dungeon once a week or something. It makes me cry because it means that fewer and fewer people are believing it’s cool to want what I want, which is to be married and have kids and love each other in a monogamous, long-lasting relationship.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“If I can give one bit of advice to any drama major, high school theater kid, or inmate who is reading this in a prison library with dreams of being cast in the prison play, it's this: write your own part. It is the only way I've gotten anywhere. It is much harder work, but sometimes you have to take destiny into your own hands. It forces you to think about what your strengths really are, and once you find them, you can showcase them, and no one can stop you.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“almost no one who was a big star in high school is also big star later in life. For us overlooked kids, it’s so wonderfully fair. I”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“I do lay in some opinions here and there. For example, I don’t think it should be socially acceptable for people to say they are “bad with names.” No one is bad with names. That is not a real thing. Not knowing people’s names isn’t a neurological condition; it’s a choice. You choose not to make learning people’s names a priority. It’s like saying, “Hey, a disclaimer about me: I’m rude.” For heaven’s sake, if you don’t know someone’s name, just pretend you do. Do that thing everyone else does, where you vaguely say, “Nice to see you!” and make weak eye contact. So,”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“The terrorists scramble. Who is this invisible antiterrorist? It’s me, Mindy Kaling. I was hiding behind Cee Lo’s fur coat,”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“Interspecies Friendships. A smart, small observational show about two animals who are friends against all odds.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“I guess I think happiness can come in a bunch of forms, and maybe a marriage with tons of work makes people feel happy. But part of me still thinks ... is it really so hard to make it work? What happened to being pals?”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?