Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? Quotes

“I’m sad that a legitimate rung on the ladder of making it in comedy is writing hateful stuff about total strangers. I don’t know.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“A note about me: I do not think stress is a legitimate topic of conversation, in public anyway. No one ever wants to hear how stressed out anyone else is, because most of the time everyone is stressed out. Going on and on in detail about how stressed out I am isn’t conversation. It’ll never lead anywhere. No one is going to say, “Wow, Mindy, you really have it especially bad. I have heard some stories of stress, but this just takes the cake.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“Another old saying is that revenge is a dish best served cold. But it feels best served piping hot, straight out of the oven of outrage. My opinion? Take care of revenge right away. Push, shove, scratch that person while they’re still within arm’s reach. Don’t let them get away! Who knows when you’ll get this opportunity again? Do you offer up a lot of opinions in this book?”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“teenage girls, please don't worry about being super popular in high school, or being the best actress in high school, or the best athlete. not only do people not care about any of that the second you graduate, but when you get older, if you reference your successes in high school too much, it actually makes you look kind of pitiful, like some babbling old Tennessee Williams character with nothing else going on in her current life. what I've noticed is that almost no one who was a big star in high school is also big star later in life. for us overlooked kids, it's so wonderfully fair.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“After all these years with friends who are five ten or taller, I have come to carry myself with the confidence of a tall person. It’s all in the head. It works out.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“This is a photo of when I directed “Michael’s Last Dundies,” which I also wrote. In this moment I am explaining what comedy is to Will Ferrell.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“If handed an actual basketball, I would instantly cry. For me, doing sports was like meeting the Disney characters at Disney World. On TV I loved Mickey Mouse, but when I met the actual real-life Mickey, or rather his impersonator, and he tried to hug me in his warm fuzzy suit, I recoiled in fear.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“But one thing I will impart to my children is “If you’re scared of something, that isn’t a sign that you have to do it. It probably means you shouldn’t do it. Call Dad or Mom immediately.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“The one notable thing about Steve’s niceness is that he is also very smart, and that kind of niceness has always made me nervous. When smart people are nice, it’s always terrifying, because I know they’re taking in everything and thinking all kinds of smart and potentially judgmental things.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“if you transcribed it, it would”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“After six months of hardship and going to therapy three times a week, Sandy’s now elated. She realized—as has almost everyone I know who has been left or broken up with—that, by divorcing her, her husband relieved her of the job of eventually leaving him. As my mom has said, when one person is unhappy, it usually means two people are unhappy but that one has not come to terms with it yet. Sandy hadn’t realized how unhappy she was until he was gone.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“the unhappily married person. They are everywhere, and they are ten thousand times more depressing than a divorced person. My friend Tim, whose name I’ve changed, obviously, has gotten more and more depressing since he married his girlfriend of seven years. Tim is the kind of guy who corners you at a party to tell you, vehemently, that marriage is work. And that you have to work on it constantly. And that going to couples’ therapy is not only normal but something that everyone needs to do. Tim has a kind of manic, cult-y look in his eye from paying thousands of dollars to a marriage counselor. He is convinced that his daily work on his marriage, and his acknowledgment that it is basically a living hell, is modern.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“One good thing about New York is that most people function daily while in a low-grade depression. It’s not like if you’re in Los Angeles, where everyone’s so actively working on cheerfulness and mental and physical health that if they sense you’re down, they shun you. Also, all that sunshine is a cruel joke when you’re depressed. In New York, even in your misery, you feel like you belong.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“Again, I was forced to say thank you. How I continually found myself in situations where I felt I had to say thank you to mean guys, I’m not sure.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“I want to hear that you guys watch every episode of The Bachelorette together in secret shame, or that one got the other hooked on Breaking Bad and if either watches it without the other, they’re dead meat. I want to see you guys high-five each other like teammates on a recreational softball team you both do for fun.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“It was a sure sign of guilt: giving too much information about my cover story was”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“time-wasting dominoes”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“Don’t be closer to twice a friend’s weight than to her actual weight,” I told myself.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“Sometimes You Just Have to Put on Lip Gloss and Pretend to Be Psyched”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“*Thrown-Together Disaster Funeral is my new HGTV show. It’s a makeover funeral show where three flamboyant gay guys and a judgmental sassy broad (think Wanda Sykes) crash a tacky funeral and fix it. Wanda’s catchphrase is “Nuh-huh. Everyone out of this church. This funeral is a disaster.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“But a guy at thirty-two—he can act and dress like a grown man or a thirteen-year-old boy, and both are totally acceptable.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“Boys are broke. And when they do have money, they spend it on a trip to Colorado to see a music festival.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“And when she’s at the door, Mark stops her and he says, “I like you, very much. Just as you are.” It’s ridiculous that I love this so much. It’s so simple. It’s not a witty, perfectly phrased, Ephron-y declaration by our charming, neurotic hero. It’s so … plain. But the idea is the most beautiful thing in the world. So, obviously, it makes me cry.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“Hugh was in prime Jackman when he played smoldering Van Helsing.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“I am a confident writer, a hothead, and have a very thin skin for any criticism. This charming combination of personality traits makes me an argument machine on our staff.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“Aspen was so expensive I was surprised it wasn’t entirely populated with the children of Middle Eastern oil moguls.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“And it kind of behooves you to pick a short song. I don’t care if Don freakin’ McLean shows up in a red-white-and-blue tuxedo, no one is allowed to sing “American Pie.” It’s actually kind of hostile to a group of partiers to pick a song longer than three minutes.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“In an attempt to achieve the cheeky, gay-centric tone of the show, I had written a sample so over-the-top offensively gay that it actually reads like a propaganda sketch to incite antigay sentiment.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“I laughed because, as everyone knows, laughing is a great way to disguise heavy breathing.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“and I went to Dartmouth to pursue my love of white people and North Face parkas.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?