Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? Quotes

“(On differences between men and boys) Men know what they want. Men make concrete plans. Men own alarm clocks. Men sleep on a mattress that isn't on the floor. Men tip generously. Men buy new shampoo instead of adding water to a nearly empty bottle of shampoo. Men go to the dentist. Men make reservations. Men go in for a kiss without giving you some long preamble about how they're thinking of kissing you. Men wear clothes that have never been worn by anyone else before.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“There was silence. No one looked at me. People pretended to be absorbed in their phones. One writer didn’t even have a phone, so he just pretended to be absorbed in his hand.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“So things were coming together nicely for me to embark on a full-fledged depression. One good thing about New York is that most people function daily while in a low-grade depression.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“Once I saw Paris Hilton leaving a restaurant in Hollywood and the paparazzi cameras were all over her. It looked so unpleasant. It wasn't because she didn't look sensational - she was that perfect combination of fashionable and slutty - it was because the paparazzi guys were shouting these insanely rude and intrusive questions at her. Like, asking her who she was sleeping with and stuff. I was kind of interested in the answer, so I was glad they asked, but it was still gross.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“There was just Mavis and me, but it never seemed lonely because we never stopped talking. I could have an argument, in earnest, about who was the best “Kid” in the Hall, without having to explain who they were. One friend with whom you have a lot in common is better than three with whom you struggle to find things to talk about. We never needed best friend gear because I guess with real friends you don’t have to make it official. It just is.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“Another old saying is that revenge is a dish best served cold. But it feels best served piping hot, straight out of the oven of outrage. My opinion? Take care of revenge right away. Push, shove, scratch that person while they’re still within arm’s reach. Don’t let them get away! Who knows when you’ll get this opportunity again?”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“I’m getting made fun of because I used to be fat? The laws of bullying allow you to be cruel even when the victim had made strides for improvement? This is when I realized that bullies have no code of conduct.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“As you can see, when I write, I like to look like I’m recovering from tuberculosis.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“How is your love life, Minz?” she would ask hungrily, hoping to be entertained by raunchy details.
I had none. “Um, you know. So hard to meet guys,” I answered vaguely, hoping my lack of a sex life would seem mysterious and not pathetic.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“[…]Frisbee people won’t let it go. My theory is that this is because there’s a huge overlap between people who are good at Frisbee and people who do Teach for America.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“No one ever wants to hear how stressed out anyone else is, because most of the time everyone is stressed out.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“I do not think stress is a legitimate topic of conversation, in public anyway. No one ever wants to hear how stressed anyone else is, because most of the time everyone is stressed out. Going on and on in detail about how stressed I am isn't conversation. It'll never lead anywhere.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“I don’t think it should be socially acceptable for people to say they are “bad with names.” No one is bad with names. That is not a real thing. Not knowing people’s names isn’t a neurological condition; it’s a choice. You choose not to make learning people’s names a priority. It’s like saying, “Hey, a disclaimer about me: I’m rude.” For heaven’s sake, if you don’t know someone’s name, just pretend you do. Do that thing everyone else does, where you vaguely say, “Nice to see you!” and make weak eye contact.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“When I pick songs for karaoke, I have three concerns: (1) What will this song say about me? (2) How will I sound singing it? and (3) How will it make people feel?”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“What’s that? You’ve never heard of the freshman thirty-five? That’s funny, because neither had my parents, who welcomed me home on spring vacation with mild horror. I was a vaguely familiar food monster who had eaten their daughter.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“Gail loved to talk about how stressed she was. She would do this thing where we'd be walking in the hallway, and suddenly she'd stop in her tracks, rub both of her temples with her index and middle fingers, and theatrically let out a deep guttural moan: "Mooooog."

"Mooog. Minz. I am just so stressed out," she'd say. "I just want to go home, open a bottle of red wine, draw up a hot bath, light some candles and listen to David Gray."

A note about me: I do not think stress is a legitimate topic of conversation, in public anyway. No one ever wants to hear how stressed out anyone else is, because most of the time everyone is stressed out. Going on and on in detail about how stressed out I am isn't conversation. It'll never lead anywhere. No one is going to say, "Wow, Mindy, you really have it especially bad. I have heard some stories of stress, but this just takes the cake.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“Boys let your parents pay for dinner when you all go out.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“IF OUR PHONE CONVERSATION GETS DISCONNECTED, THERE’S NO NEED TO CALL BACK I get it. You get it. We take forever getting off the phone anyway. This was a blessing.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“When we graduated high school, she went to the Cooper Union in Manhattan to pursue her love of set design, and I went to Dartmouth to pursue my love of white people and North Face parkas.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“Don’t be closer to twice a friend’s weight than to her actual weight,” I told myself. This little mantra has helped me stave off obesity for more than two decades.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“No pasta. I’m serious. I will climb out of my coffin if anyone brings a baked ziti.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“I know a small part of you thinks you could’ve ended up with Natalie Portman if you had played things a little differently. That’s nice. You can have that. That’s not hurting anybody.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“So, with my zit throbbing like a nightclub, I went to the interview.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“I had placed a lot of faith in Woody Allen’s belief that 80 percent of success is just showing up. I said to myself: Are you serious? 80 percent? Sure, I can just show up. Here I am, New York! Give me a job!”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“Bren was the kind of best friend I dreamed about having when I was a little kid. I never knew you could have someone in your life who was pretty much on the same page about essentially everything.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“Even though Mavis was my secret friend, she is the only one I hope I see again. She’s the only one I wonder about. I hope she wonders about me too.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“Be like Allan Pearl. Sit next to the class clown and study him. Then grow up, take everything you learned, and get paid to be a real-life clown, unlike whatever unexciting thing the actual high school class clown is doing now.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“As an adult, I've met an ocean of divorced people. I might even know more divorced people than married people, because I live in godless Los Angeles, where if you're engaged it simply means you're publicly announcing that you are dating a person monogamishly.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“It's sort of my go-to stock image of my childhood, actually. I think it has something to do with knowing I'll never be able to go back to that time that makes me cry every time I listen to it.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“But one thing I will impart to my children is: If you're scared of something, that isn't a sign that you have to do it. It probably means you shouldn't do it.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?