Pursued Quotes

“I was told that even if I had years of sobriety, I would always be an addict, and I believed it. Since my identity was that of an addict, didn’t that mean abstinence from drugs was contrary to my identity and doing drugs was in alignment with it? This confused me because if I believed this philosophy, it meant I would never heal from my disease; I would only go into remission. It also meant that the harder I tried to abstain from drugs, the more I was fighting against who I really was.”
― Michael J Heil, Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose

“This is not another story of some street rat getting sober or “putting his life together.” I didn’t put my life together, God did. Every time I tried to put my own life together, I made things worse. No, I am not the protagonist of this story—God is; from page one, until the day I die. He has always been the hero, He has always brought the hope. My story was written by and centers around the God who restores, redeems, and makes all things new.”
― Michael J Heil, Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose

“A deep sense of awe and gratitude for life was beginning to pierce through the shadows and into my heart. It had not dawned on me until this moment (as I watched distinct rays of sunshine breaking into the darkness) that without a shadow, the details of each sunray would be virtually imperceptible.”
― Michael J Heil, Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose

“The truth claims and belief systems that we adhere to make up our worldview. Each worldview makes claims about the beginning, middle, and end of humanity. In other words, our worldview explains our origin, our purpose, and our end destination. As I studied, I realized that all the various worldviews could be broken down into two categories: the humanistic group which claims that humanity is all there is, or the deistic group which claims there is a creator or some form of intelligent designer.”
― Michael J Heil, Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose

“Our culture tells us to want sex, pleasure, and instant gratification. Every hit song raves about it. Consumerism tells us that we need it now. There are a thousand voices that will sell us on these things; they’ll tell you everything you want to hear, being sure only to leave in the good parts and leave out the bad. They’ll sell you 'til you’re hooked, then you’ll sell yourself. Heck, at that point, you’ll sell your soul.”
― Michael J Heil, Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose

“To overdose is almost like being betrayed by your lover, your greatest friend, your confidante. The substance is your idol, your ultimate satisfaction, the
thing that fuels you in life and keeps you going. If it is given a place in your life, it will fight relentlessly until it becomes the supreme substance of your life. An innocent puff, a momentary euphoria, will eventually become more valuable than every other thing. It starts off as a fling, but the one-night stand gets you pregnant, and in a moment, the course of your entire life is altered.”
― Michael J Heil, Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose

“Over time, existentialism gave way to hedonism as I made pleasure into my God. Using pleasure to fill the gap that my empty worldview created. Even though I said I was my own authority and I acted like the world revolved around me, my actions revolved around whatever gave me pleasure. My feelings were the real authority of my life.”
― Michael J Heil, Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose

“The bottom line was, if I could outsmart the judicial/legal system, then I could keep my addiction. But was that really what I wanted? Here I am, talking about my addiction as if it were some small and innocent pet, something that merited my unconditional affection. Wasn’t it tearing my life apart?”
― Michael J Heil, Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose

“I felt so isolated, so broken, so lonely. I felt like no one on earth could understand me. I didn’t even give them the chance. I just assumed they would never understand and used that assumption to block them out all the more.”
― Michael J Heil, Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose

“She quoted Jesus and told me I needed to learn to turn the other cheek. “These things hit you,” she said. “They punched you in the face and now you have a choice. You can keep focusing on them and judging people who do them, or you can turn your cheek and focus on something new. Before you were obsessed with loving drugs, now you’re obsessed with hating them. Either way, your life is still ruled by them.”
― Michael J Heil, Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose

“Putting good things out into the universe didn’t undo or negate the negative things I’d done. It also didn’t negate the fact that every action has its own consequence.”
― Michael J Heil, Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose

“I tried to think and hope for the best, but it didn’t change who I was. It didn’t change my core, my desires, my actions, nor my life, for that matter. Did it matter how many nice thoughts I put out into the universe if I remained a self-centered prick? Did it matter how many “selfless” thoughts and deeds I had if the only reason I performed them was to benefit myself, or gain a better future for myself?”
― Michael J Heil, Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose

“For a while, I believed in and practiced principles from Buddhism and Hinduism. I liked the fact that they taught me about moderation but did not entirely dissuade me from drug use or hooking up. They gave me the freedom to live the life that I wanted to. If I wanted to try drugs occasionally, the wiggle room in these belief systems allowed me to do so. They empowered me to be who I wanted to be, while at the same time giving me religious rituals like meditation, balancing my chakras to fall back on, and karma to help me find a greater sense of purpose in things.”
― Michael J Heil, Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose

“A heavy weight of guilt drove me in my success. I felt like I needed to make up for all the money, stress, and time I had cost my family. So, I pushed myself, trying harder and harder to be a good person and do well in school. I knew I had done them wrong, but without fail, they had always been there to bail me out and help me get back on my feet again.”
― Michael J Heil, Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose

“Since I didn’t like the law or the consequences for breaking it, I lived in denial of it. But pretending as if it weren’t there did not make it disappear. So, I retaliated against those who represented it. If I couldn't divert the consequences, I diverted the blame. I blamed the police for my consequences. I blamed them for “ruining my life.” I blamed them for my arrests. I refused to accept that it was my fault for breaking the law in the first place. Blaming others allowed me to keep believing whatever I wanted and acting however I wanted.”
― Michael J Heil, Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose

“The journey of addiction is one that can only be understood by those who have gone through it personally and by God Himself. At times, we progress, and at times we backslide. At time, we feel strong, able, and ready to fight, and at times we feel so beat up we can hardly stand to face the new day. At times, we feel like fakes, imposters, and losers, totally unworthy of God’s love, but these are the moments we need the gospel most.”
― Michael J Heil, Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose

“What did it mean to be a Christian? It did not mean to be a good person, to be more Christ-like or to get my act together. It meant the king of the universe was at the center of my life. I got to trust in His wisdom instead of my own. He was my Lord and I was His disciple, His chosen, His beloved.”
― Michael J Heil, Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose

“I was no longer missing a piece. Jesus had taken all my insufficiencies, washed them away, and filled the very core of my being with His approval. Just like the day that He had given me a clean slate and released me from jail, now He was doing that same thing internally. He was washing away the belief that I was an inadequate failure who was unworthy and incapable of ever changing. He was making me into a new creation and it was going to be a thoroughly delightful process.”
― Michael J Heil, Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose

“I was done trying to pull love and meaning from the meager reserves of other people and my accomplishments. I was His beloved now, which meant I could soak up meaning and purpose from the limitless reservoir of the God who made me. The deficits which had always marked me were melting away.”
― Michael J Heil, Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose

“Perhaps life’s simplest and most frequent mistake is to take who we are for granted in our anxious anticipation of who we might be. He loves us as we are. Why can we not rejoice in that love? Can you imagine, for a moment, what would happen if we were to stop trying to find love in all the wrong places and start spending our efforts trying to cherish His love for us? I was finished being someone who called myself by His name, yet turned to all the empty things of this world to satisfy my innermost needs. I was through fabricating solutions of my own devising, crafting makeshift concoctions that never hit the mark.”
― Michael J Heil, Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose

“His power and His plans don’t only echo into eternity, they define it. If you want a happy ending, don’t look for it in this life, and don’t make yourself the center of the story. There is a God who is a real hero, who has fixed His attention on you, who wants to wrap up your story within His own and pour out His affections on you.”
― Michael J Heil, Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose

“Happily-ever-after is not adequately summed up in the hero’s journey. Even if you do ace every quest, defeat every foe, and obtain your magic castle, it will never be enough. Even the accomplishment of our dreams will not satisfy for long, and even our dream girl or guy is going let us down. But God’s love never fails.”
― Michael J Heil, Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose

“Though we as a people pillaged this beautiful earth with acts of war, rape, terror, and molestation, He washed our sins with His blood. Instead of letting us damn ourselves unimpeded, He sowed a destiny of hope. Instead of shaming us for our many awful ways, He drown us in His love.”
― Michael J Heil, Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose

“Why are we so moved by a good love story? Why does it touch our hearts so deeply when a hero willingly takes the fall on behalf of others? These stories touch us because they are wired into our hearts and modeled after the greatest story ever written, the story of God’s love for His creation.”
― Michael J Heil, Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose

“He was ready to take a pothead, alcoholic, heroin-addicted, whoremonger, a bulimic, cigarette smoking womanizer, and form the deepest type of bond that could be made and had no exit clauses or reversals. He had pursued me when others would’ve given up a thousand times. He made a covenant with me, signed by a pen dipped in His own blood, a covenant forged by His love, in His love, and through His love. It is a love story written by the Author of the universe.”
― Michael J Heil, Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose

“He interjected Himself in front of the bullet flying straight towards the heart of the one who had just stabbed Him in the back.”
― Michael J Heil, Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose

“I exchanged a love that would set me apart, heal me, and free me from dependence, for a pimp that kept me like a slave, locked in a hotel room, unable to escape. I traded freedom for vices. I traded fulfilling love for inanimate objects and idolatrous relationships that controlled and exploited me. But the whole time, He was waiting there, waiting for His prostitute beloved, ready to break me free.”
― Michael J Heil, Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose

“For years, I had chosen to espouse addiction, sex, and success, rather than espousing the one who actually, truly, fully, cared about me. I had to live in lavish indulgence of my sin for years, before I was able to realize that it couldn’t ever fully satisfy.”
― Michael J Heil, Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose

“Each time I failed, it may have surprised me, but it didn’t surprise God, who sees and knows all things, even before they happen. That’s when it struck me. God knew I was going to stab Him in the back. God knew that if He saved my life, I was going to abuse these drugs. He knew that I was going to turn away from Him toward all the other things I loved more than Him. He knew I would relapse, yet He still chose to save my life.”
― Michael J Heil, Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose

“When I was driving drunk, He sent the police to make sure I didn’t hurt anyone. When I was evading the police, selling drugs, and causing chaos everywhere I went, He corrected me when I needed it, let me off the hook when I needed it, and loved me through the whole process. His love wasn’t just some abstract idea or feeling; He was there with me in each of these moments.”
― Michael J Heil, Pursued: God’s relentless pursuit and a drug addict’s journey to finding purpose