Jon’s Reviews > The Emerald Storm > Status Update
Jon
is on page 268 of 375
Sentence fragment, I believe (see comment attached below).
— Aug 16, 2010 11:20AM
Like flag
Jon’s Previous Updates
Jon
is on page 354 of 375
Hadrian spouts colorful metaphors while chained behind cell door number three.
— Aug 17, 2010 06:59AM
Jon
is on page 248 of 375
Instead of 'Groggy and confused, he soon passed out once more.' why not 'Groggy and confused, he passed out.'??
— Aug 16, 2010 10:06AM
Jon
is on page 239 of 375
Instead of 'Waiting inside were four Tenkins.' why not 'Four Tenkins waited inside.'??
— Aug 16, 2010 10:04AM
Jon
is on page 204 of 375
Action increased last few chapters, lessening passive voice.
— Aug 16, 2010 03:41AM
Jon
is on page 160 of 375
If only I cared about these characters . . . at least the last couple of chapters seemed better edited.
— Aug 15, 2010 05:40AM
Jon
is on page 124 of 375
Last chapter nearly all dialogue; adage 'Show, don't tell' comes to mind.
— Aug 14, 2010 07:42PM
Comments Showing 1-1 of 1 (1 new)
date
newest »
newest »
message 1:
by
Jon
(new)
-
added it
Aug 16, 2010 11:22AM
'Although he might have bled to death if Hadrian and the others had not found him, or died from fever if the Tenkin woman had not helped. The wound itself was relatively superficial.'
reply
|
flag
