Jon’s Reviews > The Emerald Storm > Status Update
Jon
is on page 248 of 375
Instead of 'Groggy and confused, he soon passed out once more.' why not 'Groggy and confused, he passed out.'??
— Aug 16, 2010 10:06AM
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Jon’s Previous Updates
Jon
is on page 354 of 375
Hadrian spouts colorful metaphors while chained behind cell door number three.
— Aug 17, 2010 06:59AM
Jon
is on page 268 of 375
Sentence fragment, I believe (see comment attached below).
— Aug 16, 2010 11:20AM
Jon
is on page 239 of 375
Instead of 'Waiting inside were four Tenkins.' why not 'Four Tenkins waited inside.'??
— Aug 16, 2010 10:04AM
Jon
is on page 204 of 375
Action increased last few chapters, lessening passive voice.
— Aug 16, 2010 03:41AM
Jon
is on page 160 of 375
If only I cared about these characters . . . at least the last couple of chapters seemed better edited.
— Aug 15, 2010 05:40AM
Jon
is on page 124 of 375
Last chapter nearly all dialogue; adage 'Show, don't tell' comes to mind.
— Aug 14, 2010 07:42PM
