Jon’s Reviews > The Emerald Storm > Status Update

Hadrian spouts colorful metaphors while chained behind cell door number three.

As you wish, Mr. Wesley.

Sentence fragment, I believe (see comment attached below).

Fortune telling (and copy editing) nearly fatal.

Instead of 'Groggy and confused, he soon passed out once more.' why not 'Groggy and confused, he passed out.'??

Instead of 'Waiting inside were four Tenkins.' why not 'Four Tenkins waited inside.'??

Action increased last few chapters, lessening passive voice.

If only I cared about these characters . . . at least the last couple of chapters seemed better edited.

Last chapter nearly all dialogue; adage 'Show, don't tell' comes to mind.