Aimee (Book It Forward) > Recent Status Updates

Lol!

“That’s what I thought,” said Frances, walking by and farting silently as she went. She was opposed to chemical warfare on principle, but sometimes you just had to go with what you had at hand.

Lol about the kids names on pg. 92!

She started angrily tidying, which was one of the more effective methods of countertop cleaning.

Honestly, the eye-rolling thing just had to be developmental. There is no other explanation for it simultaneous appearance in pretty much 100% of tweens and teens, all over the world. Three wisps of under arm hair, the first actual pimple, and eye-rolling, all at once.

“You’re a horrible gossip.” (Iris) “If you’re talking about relations it’s not gossip, it’s family history.” (Iris’ Mom)

What about the ninety nights with two hours of sleep and the argument all couples have in the second week when you realize this fucking baby is Never Leaving and all the help you have is That Useless Person Over There? Let’s get 500 words on that, motherfucker.

There was so much attention paid to labor and delivery, and so little to the first three months afterward, which made the pain of an episiotomy seem like a walk in the park. Split your vagina like a melon? Sure, but what about taking the first shit afterward?

Where was the advice on how to end an argument about who was sicker when you both caught the same cold, or how to decide which one of you got up at night for the baby, or how to agree to put an old and suffering pet to sleep?

Iris had been struck by how much attention was paid to getting married, and how little to staying married. Entire magazines were devoted to centerpieces and whimsical take home trinkets, but where were the articles about getting used to the smell of each other’s poop? 🤣🤣🤣

Marriage had so little to do with the bedroom, but so much to do with every other room in the house. Conversations around the kitchen table, discussions about toothpaste and toilet paper, decisions about pets and children and car insurance.

She ((Iris) subscribed to the “one bad day” theory of meat consumption: As natural a life as possible, filled with open skies, fresh grass, friends and respect, and then one really bad day you were killed, as humanely as possible.

Well this is exciting...Lillie from Abbi Waxman other Book The Garden...is in this new book too! #CrossOver Good to see her again!

Sometimes one of them would pick a fight and the other would be up for it, but more often one of them would get pissy and the other would aikido that shit immediately. She guessed that was the benefit of marriage, that you could tell what was real and what was just low blood sugar. So fucking irritating.

The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference.

She (Frances) was the only parent who wasn’t “working” (let’s not get into the atom splitting of who’s doing more work, stay at home parents or not; let’s just agree it’s a shit show for all of us, and move on)