Addison > Recent Status Updates

Look, stop writing accents phonetically. That's never a good idea and it just leaves people rereading your dialogue because they can't figure out what the fuck anyone is saying.

How the fuck would Bellatrix give birth in Malfoy Manor without anyone noticing? Get fucked. How would no one have been like "Now that I think about it, Bellatrix was visibly pregnant?" Get fucked.

How do I get my awful Mary Sue fanfiction published? I've been writing fanfiction for free all this time when I could have been making millions.

Oh nooo. Delphi's evil. Who could have known this one obvious new character would turn out to be the bad guy? Who could have guessed? Me, over 100 pages ago. Get fucked.

I'm pretty sure Snape would not be deeply moved that Harry named his son after him. I bet Snape would be like "Albus Severus Potter? What a horrible name. 10 points from Gryfindor."

It feels like I've been reading this book forever. How am I only 50% done with this mess.

"I don't think you're Voldemort's son because you're kind. Also because you can only travel back in time five minutes with this time turner and that's not enough time to make a baby unless Voldemort had some serious hormone problems. But mostly because you're kind."

Goddamn it, this book is infuriating. I expect Harry to be written as blindly suspecting Slytherins of being evil when he was a kid. He's a fucking adult now and he fought alongside Slytherins in the war. STOP BUTCHERING CHARACTERS.

So I'm just going to assume that Delphi is evil because she has a giant neon sign reading PROBABLY EVIL pointing at her.

You're telling me that Draco survived a war, was allowed to live freely despite being marked, had a family and became a widower and he's still picking fights and acting like a spoiled brat? Get fucked. Way to undo his entire character growth.

Am I reading a fanfic? I feel like I'm reading a fanfic.

"There's a rumor that my Mom traveled back in time to fuck Voldemort." Honestly kid, there's way worse fanfiction out there. You'll be alright.

"Wouldn't it be a pity if something crushed this?" This book asks while holding my heart. "Unfortunately for you, I really feel like crushing something."

Aw, this book is going to crush my emotions like a hollow egg, isn't it? What have I done?

So far I find Dita really out of touch but goddamn am I happy to find another classy lady whose happy to use the word tits.

Dita Von Teese would like you to know that the secret to being attractive is HAVING MONEY.