Michael

“My father always said I would do something big one day.‘I’ve got a feeling about you, John Osbourne,’ he’d tell me, after he’d had a few beers.‘You’re either going to do something very special, or you’re going to go to prison.’
And he was right, my old man.

I was in prison before my eighteenth birthday.”
― Ozzy Osbourne, I Am Ozzy

“My favourite prank in heavy metalwork was to get a penny and spend three or four minutes making it really hot with a blowtorch, and then leave it on Mr Lane’s desk, so that he’d see it and pick it up out of curiosity.
First you’d hear: ‘Waaaaahhhhhh!’
Then: ‘Osbourne, you little bastard!’

Heh-heh-heh.
The old hot-penny trick. Priceless, man.”
― Ozzy Osbourne, I Am Ozzy

“There were no public health laws in Ankh-Morpork. It would be like installing smoke detectors in Hell.”
― Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay

“There’s lots of people will help you with alcohol business, but there’s no one out there arranging little meetings where you can stand up and say, ‘My name is Sam Vimes and I’m a really suspicious bastard.”
― Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay