Haley

“The arithmetic is quite simple. Instead of playing Draw Something, fucking draw something! Take the cleverness you apply to Words with Friends and utilize it to make some kick-ass corn bread. Corn Bread with Friends - try that game.”
― Nick Offerman, Paddle Your Own Canoe: One Man's Fundamentals for Delicious Living

“Choose your favorite spade and dig a small, deep hole, located deep in the forest or a desolate area of the desert or tundra. Bury your cell phone and then find a hobby.”
― Nick Offerman, Paddle Your Own Canoe: One Man's Fundamentals for Delicious Living

“I eat a bunch of spinach, but only to clean out my pipes to make room for more ribs, fool! I will submit to fruit and zucchini, yes, with gusto, so that my steak-eating machine will continue to masticate delicious charred flesh at an optimal running speed. By consuming kale, I am buying myself bonus years of life, during which I can eat a shit-ton more delicious meat. You don’t put oil in your truck because it tastes good. You do it so your truck can continue burning sweet gasoline and hauling a manly payload.”
― Nick Offerman, Paddle Your Own Canoe: One Man's Principles for Delicious Living

“Really, all religious teachings can be boiled down to: “Just be cool. Don’t be an asshole.”
― Nick Offerman, Paddle Your Own Canoe: One Man's Principles for Delicious Living