Ashley

“Aren’t they supposed to be hiring someone else to train me full-time anyway?”
“Yes,” he said, getting up and pulling her to her feet along with him,“ and I’m worried that if you get into the habit of making out with your instructors, you’ll wind up making out with him, too.”
“ Don’t be sexist. They could find me a female instructor.”
“In that case you have my permission to make out with her, as long as I can watch.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Fallen Angels

“I want to grow a flower for every time someone tells me “F*** you.” Then I’ll go back to that person and pin the flower on their lapel in a gesture of friendship. And while they are looking down on it in astonishment, I’ll bunch up my knuckles and punch them in the face.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.

“I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want

“Some people say, “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.”
― Tina Fey, Bossypants