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Meet the Authors > Jim Webster, (In On a Chance! )

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message 1301: by Patti (baconater) (new)

Patti (baconater) (goldengreene) | 56525 comments Looked like shaved chicken to me.


message 1303: by Jim (new)

Jim | 21813 comments M.T. wrote: "BTW it IS chicken but Jim is PRETENDING it's snail because the page is all about the Tsarina Sector where his new book takes place... which sounds interesting... but they eat 300lb snail... so I'm ..."

Yes, all is revealed at https://www.facebook.com/TsarinaSector


message 1304: by Jim (new)

Jim | 21813 comments My youngest daughter is pondering whether she ought to copyrighted the gastro-pub/pod crack. Still I'm sure there has to be a marketing angle in there somewhere


message 1305: by Jim (new)

Jim | 21813 comments Note that you can also get yak

He opened another box. “Self-heating ration cartons.”
Haldar leaned over his shoulder to look. “Military surplus? I always liked the ones which included chicken; even if the ‘chicken’ was really gastropod.”
George shook his head. “Local manufacture; they use a carton rather than a can. You can use the cartons as kindling to light your fire.” He looked at the labels. “No chicken, just a hundred different ways to cook elderly yak. You might find them a bit heavy on the sauce, and a bit light on the meat, but between ourselves, once you’ve eaten the meat for as long as I have, you’ll prefer it that way round.”
Haldar took a carton and read the nutrition information: “May contain trace quantities of hallucinogenic lichen?”
“There was an unfortunate incident some years ago. Elderly yaks of the sort which tend to grace ration cartons will survive the winter by eating the lichen off a rock-face. Some of the lichens have strange properties, but yaks have a high level of tolerance.”


message 1306: by Patti (baconater) (new)

Patti (baconater) (goldengreene) | 56525 comments Yaketdy yak yak.


message 1307: by David (new)

David Staniforth (davidstaniforth) | 7935 comments ... don't talk back!


message 1308: by Jim (new)

Jim | 21813 comments Last time I heard http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-cHB3R... it was being sung by Pinky and Perky :-)


message 1309: by Patti (baconater) (new)

Patti (baconater) (goldengreene) | 56525 comments Hehehehehe


message 1310: by Will (new)

Will Macmillan Jones (willmacmillanjones) | 11324 comments Hang on, let's just run back to the hallucinogenic lichen bit.

John Wyndham's done that!

Trouble With Lichen

I want to know if Patti or GL has been experimenting with strange cosmetics??


Gingerlily - The Full Wild | 34228 comments No, only strange comics.

Good book that.


message 1312: by Will (new)

Will Macmillan Jones (willmacmillanjones) | 11324 comments And whatever does Jim add to the cattle's feed, I wonder?

Actually, I recall his story about a flying sheep. Is this the answer?


message 1313: by Jim (new)

Jim | 21813 comments Sheep should never be underrated

it's just they struggle to get airborne http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xnBT8...


message 1314: by Jim (new)

Jim | 21813 comments Patti (baconater) wrote: "Hehehehehe"

pink!
They'll assume I'm a romantic novelist, I'll have to have an entire wardrobe makeover


Gingerlily - The Full Wild | 34228 comments You'll end up looking like Barbara Cartland!


message 1316: by Patti (baconater) (new)

Patti (baconater) (goldengreene) | 56525 comments Flat cap and lipstick.


Gingerlily - The Full Wild | 34228 comments Binder twine as a fashion statement.


message 1318: by David (new)

David Staniforth (davidstaniforth) | 7935 comments As a pen name, perhaps, Barbed-wire Cartilage


message 1319: by Patti (baconater) (new)

Patti (baconater) (goldengreene) | 56525 comments Ooooo David!

Clever!


message 1320: by David (new)

David Staniforth (davidstaniforth) | 7935 comments why thank you.


message 1321: by Jim (new)

Jim | 21813 comments And for all those desperate for a romantic story who've flocked to this thread may I present



The Cartographer's Apprentice: Leave Them Wanting More where for a mere 79p you get a truly deathless love story. (Admittedly it's not the one I tell, but it's in there.)

There's also Swords for a Dead Lady by Jim Webster Dead man riding East by Jim Webster which is a love story with more action than Fifty Shades of Grey (Fifty Shades, #1) by E.L. James

Whilst I've never read it, I've been assured that no one gets killed in Fifty shades of grey, whilst in my two there's a reasonable body count.


message 1322: by Patti (baconater) (new)

Patti (baconater) (goldengreene) | 56525 comments You're lucky I didn't put in your thread title what I was thinking of putting in your thread title.


message 1323: by Will (new)

Will Macmillan Jones (willmacmillanjones) | 11324 comments Go on Patti, just do it.....


message 1324: by Patti (baconater) (new)

Patti (baconater) (goldengreene) | 56525 comments A good moderator wouldn't do such a thing.


Gingerlily - The Full Wild | 34228 comments Where can we find a good moderator?


message 1326: by Patti (baconater) (new)

Patti (baconater) (goldengreene) | 56525 comments I expect he's down the pub.


message 1327: by M.T. (new)

M.T. McGuire (mtmcguire) | 8051 comments Can I tell my flying sheep story then?


message 1328: by Will (new)

Will Macmillan Jones (willmacmillanjones) | 11324 comments Beware MTM, Patti will strike with her moderator's power.


message 1329: by Jim (new)

Jim | 21813 comments Will wrote: "Beware MTM, Patti will strike with her moderator's power."

doesn't this mean she has to wear her underwear on top of her clothes or something?
Must make wearing a skirt tricky


message 1330: by Jim (new)

Jim | 21813 comments M.T. wrote: "Can I tell my flying sheep story then?"

Yes please


message 1331: by Gingerlily - The Full Wild (last edited Oct 06, 2013 02:03PM) (new)


message 1332: by Jim (new)

Jim | 21813 comments A rather immoderate moderator if I may make so bold


Gingerlily - The Full Wild | 34228 comments it does remind me of Patti in some respects...


message 1334: by Patti (baconater) (new)

Patti (baconater) (goldengreene) | 56525 comments It does look like me round the hooves.


message 1335: by Patti (baconater) (new)

Patti (baconater) (goldengreene) | 56525 comments M.T. wrote: "Can I tell my flying sheep story then?"

You're obligated to now.


Gingerlily - The Full Wild | 34228 comments Patti (baconater) wrote: "It does look like me round the hooves."

The wings look like yours as well.


message 1337: by Will (new)

Will Macmillan Jones (willmacmillanjones) | 11324 comments Not the hair?


message 1338: by Jim (new)

Jim | 21813 comments Not flamboyant enough


message 1339: by Will (new)

Will Macmillan Jones (willmacmillanjones) | 11324 comments We don't know what skillset is used by baku hairdressers, though


message 1340: by Patti (baconater) (new)

Patti (baconater) (goldengreene) | 56525 comments Dave does my hair.


message 1341: by Will (new)

Will Macmillan Jones (willmacmillanjones) | 11324 comments There was a missing adjective, there.

Next up: Indiana Jones and the Lost Adjective.


message 1342: by Jim (new)

Jim | 21813 comments Will wrote: "We don't know what skillset is used by baku hairdressers, though"

the blow dry may involve a flame thrower


message 1343: by Will (new)

Will Macmillan Jones (willmacmillanjones) | 11324 comments Or one of those industrial unit space heaters?


message 1344: by M.T. (last edited Oct 07, 2013 01:41PM) (new)

M.T. McGuire (mtmcguire) | 8051 comments OK. If it's not too late. Here's the flying sheep story. I'm sure I've told you this one, but it may have been on another forum. Apologies to anyone who's heard it before.

In 1986 in Sussex, where I come from. There was a hurricane. Trees blew down left right and centre and the wind howled at an ear splitting volume. Nobody got any sleep that night, including my great aunt, a farmer's widow, living in the farmhouse (she'd rented the land to another local farmer).

A few days later, when the power was on but the roads were still a bit dicey she met a fellow farmer's widow who told her this fantastic story.

The lady lives in an old farm house. She woke up to the sound of the wind screaming and unknown objects blowing through the farmyard and bouncing off one another at high speed. The windows were actually bending against the force of the wind. It was an old Sussex - well actually I think she was over the border in Surrey - farm house all red tiles, black beams and leaded panes, so she went downstairs to the centre, the hall, lit the fire, got out a sleeping bag lit the appropriately named 'hurricane lamp' and snuggled down on the sofa to ride it out.

In the middle of the night there was a massive crash and the sound of breaking glass. It was the spare room window. She went up and tried to open the door but she couldn't, it opened into the room and the wind blowing in was holding it shut.

She went back downstairs and waited. Early in the morning, finally, the storm passed. At first light, she got out of her sleeping bag. There was no power so she went into the kitchen and got the teabags out, put a saucepan of hot water on the hob to boil and went upstairs. When she opened the spare room door, she found a very large hole in the window a lot of droppings and a somewhat moithered but perfectly healthy sheep.

So there you are.

Cheers

MTM


message 1345: by M.T. (new)

M.T. McGuire (mtmcguire) | 8051 comments Jim wrote: "Will wrote: "We don't know what skillset is used by baku hairdressers, though"

the blow dry may involve a flame thrower"


Why would a moderator, a keyboard monkey, have hooves? And yes, judging by the colour of her face I should think she dries her hair under an electric grill? Not Patti then, surely?


message 1346: by Will (new)

Will Macmillan Jones (willmacmillanjones) | 11324 comments Who knows what they do with grills in Baku?
Or gorillas.


message 1347: by Jim (new)

Jim | 21813 comments I like the flying sheep story, and given what sheep do get up to, it's not entirely improbably either


Gingerlily - The Full Wild | 34228 comments Well I googled Moderator and that was one of the pictures that came up. I googled pie today, and in the middle of a lot of yummy pie pictures there was a picture of someone doing exercises... I guess it must have been pie-lates!


message 1349: by David (new)

David Staniforth (davidstaniforth) | 7935 comments I've seen Shaun the sheep, so that story does not surprise me at all. Those sheep get up to all sorts when the farmer's back is turned. I'll bet the whole flock were in there that night, sheltering from the storm.


message 1350: by T4bsF (Call me Flo) (new)

T4bsF (Call me Flo) (time4bedsaidflorence) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6eCRP...

This is what sheep get up to in Wales.


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