Creative Reviews discussion
Read here first
>
Read this for new members
Stephen wrote: "Katy wrote: "And Stephen - you're a nut!"Aw-w-w. You're just saying that...."
Nah, I think she means it. Lol
Let me re-phrase slightly - Stephen and Jenn - you're both nuts! :-)
Katy wrote: "Let me re-phrase slightly - Stephen and Jenn - you're both nuts! :-)"*blushes* thank you!
Stephen wrote: "That reminds me of a joke I can't tell here...."Dang the luck!
Stephen wrote: "However, I will say that you gals are a bad influence. A friend of mine was talking today about something he wanted to buy. I told him it was awfully expensive. He said, "How expensive is it?" and ..."Being a bad influence is my life-long goal ... guess I can stop now ... ;-)
Stephen wrote: "However, I will say that you gals are a bad influence. A friend of mine was talking today about something he wanted to buy. I told him it was awfully expensive. He said, "How expensive is it?" and ..."Omg! Outstanding!!!!! I love it!
Phil wrote: "Cambria wrote: "You are in a nasty mood, you nasty girl, you mail me chickens an you will get it!!!! Whats wrong with an armadillo??? I don't have anything against them. Now Emu's..... oh my. they ..."They DO TO growl. Oh my goodness, they do! Its happened to me many times. the nasty things...
Vered wrote: "Unreal. I go away for 24 hours, and everyone goes mad. MAD, I tell you. I think we should just cut and paste all these comments and put that in the collection and be done with it. We have the Chris..."awesome idea!!! LOL
Jenn wrote: "Phil wrote: "Cambria wrote: "You are in a nasty mood, you nasty girl, you mail me chickens an you will get it!!!! Whats wrong with an armadillo??? I don't have anything against them. Now Emu's........"becareful with that tongue I carry hairspray and a lighter, you won't even see it coming....
Jenn wrote: "Stephen wrote: "Sara wrote: "We are never going to get authors to come to this site, ya know? With all of us running around naked and swinging chickens and armadillos at one another..."On the co..."
Seriously, these are all books. it appears the armadillos and the chickens are quite a draw...
LMAO! The whole world will see our craziness! I'm not answering the door when the white coats show up...
When I am feeling down, I click on this discussion thread so I can laugh!!! lolChickens and armadillo's! White coats! Hahahahahahahahaha
I want to hear Stephen's nut joke! lol
Sara wrote: "LMAO! The whole world will see our craziness! I'm not answering the door when the white coats show up..."Why not? They'll find you your own nice, rubber room and you can read all you want! Well, except for when they make you go to group, but if you are not doing what they want, you'll stay longer, so skipping group to read all day is a GOOD thing! ;-) I read both "The Stand" AND "Insomnia" while being held on the "locked floor" ...
Katy, don't stop being a bad influence now! You've got a great streak goin'! LOL! @Stephen: How awesome is that, you snuck a GR:CR reference in! Love it! @Cambria: I can't imagine why an emu would growl at you, maybe it knew you didn't like its cousin, the chicken, and took offense... Teehee!Speaking of dangerous hobbies, I'm thankful that my neighbor's 9 yr old daughter forgets about me lighting my nail-dry aerosol can and making a flame-thrower out of it. But it's soooo funny to see her eyes bug out. :D
Oh, don't worry Sara - I never told you about all the ruckus I caused when I was 23, right after I left my first husband and moved back home, did I? Well, over the course of the past couple of years, I'd got a tattoo and my nose pierced; a small rose on my ankle and jut a tiny stud that I wore in my nose. But I got all into religion that summer and decided to help with Vacation Bible School - I was in with the 10-11 year-olds (and that's such a great age - I love kids that age - they're so curious about things); anyway, it caused a bit of a too-doo at the church 'cause all the little girls wanted to get tattoos and their nose pierced just like me ... *tee hee* Also, I went with my folks down to Missouri to see my dad's people - and the next year when they got ready to go, I was specifically asked NOT to go along ... I guess I was just *too* black sheep for that family ... Oh, well. I went to town, got a case of beer and some Rice-a-Roni and had a fun week by myself, watching my Star Trek: TNG tapes and having a couple beers a night. Ah, the good ol' days when I could still drink... how I miss ye ...
Stephen wrote: "I'll bet that keeps the armadillos away, too."Why would you want to keep armadillos away? They're so CUUUUTE with their little ears and nose and little shell and the way they curl up and and and ....
Meds, Stephen - we talked about it on a different thread. I'm on medicines that, so the doctors warn, might result in serious, if not fatal, consequences if I drink. So ... *sigh* No drinking.
Cambria wrote: "Phil wrote: "Cambria wrote: "You are in a nasty mood, you nasty girl, you mail me chickens an you will get it!!!! Whats wrong with an armadillo??? I don't have anything against them. Now Emu's........"You must have been trying to hurt their chicks, or telling them how much you hated them. They can be quite sensitive to such things.
On the other hand, they might have been growling to frighten away a toilet snake.
*snerk* BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That's a good one.
Phil wrote: "Cambria wrote: "Phil wrote: "Cambria wrote: "You are in a nasty mood, you nasty girl, you mail me chickens an you will get it!!!! Whats wrong with an armadillo??? I don't have anything against them..."its cause of her bad attitude.
Stephen wrote: "Katy wrote: "Oh, don't worry Sara - I never told you about all the ruckus I caused when I was 23, right after I left my first husband and moved back home, did I? Well, over the course of the past ..."that one never gets old
Jeanine wrote: "When I am feeling down, I click on this discussion thread so I can laugh!!! lolChickens and armadillo's! White coats! Hahahahahahahahaha
I want to hear Stephen's nut joke! lol"
We Aim to Please here on CR!
I am sitting in front of my desk, laughing at my computer screen. Katy - we might all want to share those meds. You know, share some love...And let me tell you about chickens: you think they're all sweet and innocence, clucking away while they peck at the ground for seeds. Don't be fooled. Chickens are lethal weapons. I once spent a day in the back of a minibus on a bumpy Andean 'road' sitting above several chickens that were tied up and stored underneath my seat. The fact that they were tied up and heading down the mountain to be someone's dinner didn't stop them from attacking my legs with rather pointed beaks. I still quiver when I hear a chicken make whatever noises chickens make. The horror...
I have a relative who is about well over 6ft tall and at the time was built like a brick privy.His wife is about 5ft teeny, but VEHEMENT and damn, you did NOT mess with her! Thank goodness she was family so we were relatively safe....They came to visit and he went out for a cigarette as none of my lot smoke; but after about an hour, he hadn't come back, so his wife went out to investigate and found him standing all the way out at the bottom of the dirt track. "What on earth are you doing?" she shouted; and somewhat shamefacedly he indicated the black speck parading back a forth infront of him; a tiny bantam cockerel we'd been given (and when I say tiny, he wasn't much taller than a paperback, but fiercely upright, with a beautiful green-black fountainous tail as high as his head, and green legs).
When he was donated to us they told us he was called Killer, which we thought that was very funny as he was so tiny; but if fact he was a proper psycho and used to attack cars if they had shiny hubcaps that he could see himself in.
Now, my poor relative had gone for a quiet evening wander with his cigarette, drawn the attention of said minuscule psychopath, and been chased right down to the end of the track; and as his wife drew nearer, she saw Killer parading back and forth, back and forth, with all the martial intent of a Guardsman!
"Don't be so daft, have you seen the size of him!" she snapped.
"He attacks though, and it really hurts!"
"Oh for goodness'sake... Pick on someone your own size, you stupid cockerel!" And she marched resolutely towards Killer, and when he dove in on the attack like a feathered bullet, she simply drew her leg back and punted him over the wall. Killer dashed along the wall, ducked under the gate, and came back at her. She punted it over the wall again, while her husband hared off up the drive with a turn of speed we haven't seen from him before of since. Killer landed the other side of the wall and came back for more, and a third time found himself heading back over.
This time he sauntered rather than dashed back to the gate; came back through rather slower; and when he got back to see her still standing all a-hackle, ready to take him on again, he stalked back down to the end of the lane and resumed his marching back and forth there, pausing only to call all his ladies across to share a titbit and cluck over his importance and food-finding abilities.
She stared at him for a little while longer (Killer was too busy and important to notice her) before marching back to the house, where her husband hulked rather shamefacedly by the front door "to check that she was all right"....
But to this day, I have full visuals of said larger-than-life relative being kept at bay by a teeny bantam cockerel, and his diminutive wife facing Killer down with style....
JAC
Thank you, JA. No one else believes me. They laugh. They think I'm nuts. You however know the truth (about chickens, not about me being nuts)...OMG - that is SUCH a funny story though. Love the image of that hulk man stared down by a pint sized bird! Seriously, just add some snow and a Christmas tree and submit it for the story collectioN!
But shouldn't you have clued in when someone gave away a rooster named Killer?! I know you're not supposed to look a gift horse in the mouth, but...
BTW - as a consequence of my various and traumatic experiences with chickens, I stopped being a strict vegetarian... Be warned, emus and armadillos who may wish to hiss or growl at me...
J.A. wrote: "I have a relative who is about well over 6ft tall and at the time was built like a brick privy.His wife is about 5ft teeny, but VEHEMENT and damn, you did NOT mess with her! Thank goodness she was ..."LMBO!!! That is so freaking funny!! I've NEVER had a chicken come at me, animals just love me. And I've NEVER met a mean pit bull either; our neighbor has one and she is a slobber-machine and very sweet. She actually minds me better than her owner but then I treat her with lots of love.
I had a new neighbor's LAB come at me once and I was nowhere near its human or property, I was at my doorway! My husband had some rather harsh words with that neighbor, they moved soon after.
Yeah, Meagan! That'll teach them all... damn poultry...
Ok, here's a turkey story: Back in 2000, I worked in another town about 20 minutes away and drove a full size Chevy pickup. I worked in an attorney's office so I dressed nicely, in skirts, nice blouses and slacks.One day I pulled up at the stop sign because, one) I HAVE to stop or get creamed by another driver flying by and two) there was a damned turkey on the road. I honked my horn several times but it wouldn't budge. So I got out and walked around the front of the truck to try to shoo it out of the road. The stupid thing still wouldn't move!
I finally got about 2 feet away and kind of flapped my skirt at it and it nonchalantly strolled back to the side of the road and back into the woods. Mind you, there's several houses in that area but I knew none of them had poultry of anything so it must have been a wild one that simply wasn't afraid of people.
Well, I started back to get in the truck and heard laughter and sure enough, there was a car behind my truck and I could hear the other driver laughing at the situation. I just shrugged, got in the truck and went on to work.
Turkeys are stupid, just like guineas.
I cannot believe the problems people have had with poultry! Lol. Great stories. Splitter
This thread is gonna give poor cambria a nervous breakdown...;)
Hahahahaha Holding my sides because I'm laughing so much. This thread just made my day!
Splitter - you obviously have not had an encounter of the poultry kind.Mhairi - oh yeah!
Vered wrote: "Splitter - you obviously have not had an encounter of the poultry kind.Mhairi - oh yeah!"
Great title!
Vered wrote: "I am sitting in front of my desk, laughing at my computer screen. Katy - we might all want to share those meds. You know, share some love...And let me tell you about chickens: you think they're..."
See, they are evil!!!! Nasty little cluckers.... EW.
Jenny- I do not have a bad attitude, I am charming and so lovable. I can't imagine why those nasty Emu's growled at me.
So here's the thing peeps who don't believe me. I grew up in Maryland in a very small western MD town. We used to go to this Christmas Tree Farm every year and cut down a Christmas tree (i always wanted the biggest one I could find) and this place had animals cause it was a farm..... lol.They had a gaggle of chickens...it was disgusting. We would have to wheel out tree cart by the coops that and the chickens would run around wild like and it scared me to death!! One year they swarmed me (NO i am NOT making this up) I was in the middle of the road (okay it was a dirt path) and like 20 or 30 surrounded me. I flipped out. My mother was so embarrassed. LOL. it still gives me the heeby jeebies. EW. I finally got out of there unscathed.
But anyway the farm also had Emu's. Why in the world anyone would want those nasty things I'll never know.
ANyway, the emu's were by the parking lot and the area that they tied up your tree. and I would stand there (at a safe distance away) and watch them as we waited for our tree. They would (there was 2 of them) come up to the fence and stare back. Then they would start running (Oh my goodness!) back and forth along the fence all the while staring at me. It made me have goosebumps. Then they would growl. this deep throaty growl. it used to scare the beejesus out of me.
See? I wasn't doing anything. i was merely looking at their creepiness. My looks must have scared them. they growled everytime I went there. Every time.
Stephen wrote: "My wife and I raised chickens years ago. They were a cross between Leghorns and Rock-Cornish game birds. Sizable creatures. Once when I was bent over filling a food dish, a capon attacked me. Befor..."I'm going to have nightmares.
When I was little my parents took me to the zoo and an ostrich (ANOTHER nasty bird!!!) Leaned over the fence and ate every single one of my buttons off my shirt!!!! I think this may have started my trauma.....
Awwww {{{{{{{{{{{{{{Cambria}}}}}}}}}}}}}} We only tease ya because we love ya! I banish all feathered fowl away from Cambria! They shall not pass!
Cambria wrote: "Jenny- I do not have a bad attitude, I am charming and so lovable. I can't imagine why those nasty Emu's growled at me."That's it for using that name, I'm officially sending you a chicken.
Poultry:Did you know that Ben Franklin campaigned to make the wild turkey the national bird of the USA? It's true. http://www.greatseal.com/symbols/turk...
Everyone thinks turkeys are stupid. The ones you see on farms are because they have been bred strictly for consumption. The have big breasts but they are stoopid.
I don't hunt, but I know people who do hunt wild turkey and they say that wild turkeys are smart and elusive. They often draw in the turkeys with mating calls and the males walk into the slaughter. Sounds like my first marriage.
CAMBRIA SHOULD NOT READ FURTHER!
Now, I don't want to give any of you anti-poultry people nightmares, but there is also this story of Mike, the headless chicken: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mike_the...
I held off as long as could for this thread. Then it just got too meaty and I had to make this post. You will note, however, that I was able to maintain enough self control to avoid some easy jokes I really, really (really!) wanted to make.
Splitter
Have I mentioned our turkey and its....psychological issues?
The Brooklyn Backstretch (www.brooklynbackstretch.com) did an article about Her Last Race yesterday(Sept. 20,2011)
Jenn wrote: "Cambria wrote: "Jenny- I do not have a bad attitude, I am charming and so lovable. I can't imagine why those nasty Emu's growled at me."That's it for using that name, I'm officially sending you a..."
you can't. Sara has banished them from getting near me. *sticks out tongue* neener neener neener....
Oh. My. God. Splitter you are a mean man. I am traumatized FOR LIFE!!!! Did you see that picture? Oh my. That's so sad. I actually feel bad for that Chicken. Those people were mean. And then how it died....oh my....oh my....I think I might have nightmares.
Where on earth did you learn of this.
Oh my.
Oh my.....
I must go now and try to brandish that visual from my mind....
Sara wrote: "Awwww {{{{{{{{{{{{{{Cambria}}}}}}}}}}}}}} We only tease ya because we love ya! I banish all feathered fowl away from Cambria! They shall not pass!"I heart you Sara....
I said not to read it!While Mike did meet his end eventually, he got two or three extra years of pampering. He was supposed to be dinner after all. Then he was zombie chicken...might be a book idea in that, forget I said anything.
Here is one of my favorite comedians, Bill Cosby, with the famous chicken heart story: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhwF2d...
Splitter
Creative Reviews
Books mentioned in this topic
Captured With Love (other topics)The Last Priestess: Book 2 in The Scion of Two Pantheons (other topics)
Scion of Two Pantheons (other topics)
THE BIRD'S NEST: HOW I LEARNED CHINESE: A Memoir (other topics)
Night of the Chupacabra (other topics)
More...
Authors mentioned in this topic
Nadia Scrieva (other topics)Kasi Blake (other topics)
Kenya D. Williamson (other topics)
Arshad Ahsanuddin (other topics)
Charlie Courtland (other topics)
I truly do like this idea!