This is not The Haters Club You're Looking For discussion

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I'm not half the man...

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message 1: by Harry (new)

Harry  (Harry_Harry) This morning a co-worker calls into the office to let people know he is going to be a little late because he just hit a deer with his truck. Turns out that very little damage was done to the truck, but it did kill the deer. That's not the point.

When he calls in, another coworker says he should put it in his truck and bring it in. He wants the deer! First guy says ok and proceeds to load said deer into the back of his truck. Mind you, this is not in the backwoods, but on a major highway (I believe it's 5 lanes at this point) during rush-hour. Apparently it wasn't an easy task on his own. He tried to put the front end in first, but couldn't get it up there without it slipping off, so he decided to grab it by all four legs (one of which is snapped in half) and heft it up onto the bed. This works. Imagine the looks of horror he must have gotten from people rubber necking on their way to work this morning.

But wait! It gets better.

He drives back home with a dead road kill deer in his pickup, showers and changes clothes because he had deer blood on his pants. Now he turns back around and brings the deer to his oh so grateful co-worker.

They back their trucks up to each others and transfer the deer. Now the fun starts. The second employee apparently has an amazing deer meat chili recipe that he can't wait to make. A dead deer isn't going to "keep" while he works all day, so he thinks about what to do with it. He doesn't have a knife, so he grabs a box cutter from the warehouse, pulls his truck around to the woods behind our building and guts the deer right there. He bought a few large bags of ice from the 7-11 around the corner and stuffs two of them right in the freshly gutted deer belly and tosses another right on top. He then gets back to work, finishes up a bit early and heads home to get his chili working.

I'm not a hunter and have never cleaned a deer, but the fact that this guy did it with a box cutter out of the back of his truck at work in about 10 minutes was amazing to me. Oh and the guy who loaded it into the back of his truck on the side of the highway amazes me a bit too.
I'll let you know how deer chili is tomorrow.


message 2: by Tom (last edited Aug 26, 2010 02:23PM) (new)

Tom Foolery (tomfoolery) I'm more amazed that the deer didn't do much to the truck.


message 3: by Harry (new)

Harry  (Harry_Harry) I was amazed by that as well. Some minor cosmetic stuff. A couple plastic pieces from under the front bumper was all that was damaged.


message 4: by Malbadeen (new)

Malbadeen See why we confuse you two.


message 5: by Tom (new)

Tom Foolery (tomfoolery) But i have no problem at all with birds, even ones that aren't deep fried in a crispy batter.


message 6: by Harry (new)

Harry  (Harry_Harry) Who me and Rusty? I don't drive the Prius...that's Rusty!


message 7: by Harry (new)

Harry  (Harry_Harry) I love battered birds. The fried and crispy battered kind too.


message 8: by Tom (new)

Tom Foolery (tomfoolery) Yes, but i'm cool with living, breathing, uncaged wild birds too*.



*Except for seagulls. I hate those fuckers.

**And pigeons.

***And swans. But other kinds of birds are fine.


message 9: by Harry (new)

Harry  (Harry_Harry) * Agreed - Fuckers!
** Agreed
*** You lost me here with the others being fine.


message 10: by Rusty (new)

Rusty (rustyshackleford) | 2198 comments Harry wrote: "Who me and Rusty? I don't drive the Prius...that's Rusty!"

Alright ya bastard - I've never driven a Prius.

Also, in my experience deer chili is generally pretty good. That guy who cleaned the deer with the boxcutter has to be related to me somehow. I can think of a dozen uncles and cousins who would probably do the exact same thing.

Good, now you sons-of-bitches who can't tell us apart are really confused. If you must know, Harry is real and the rest of us are his sock puppets.


message 11: by Tom (new)

Tom Foolery (tomfoolery) Except for Fonoso. He's a suck puppet.


message 12: by Dr. Detroit (new)

Dr. Detroit I always wondered where Ted Nugent wound up after he left Michigan.


The Crimson Fucker (tcf123) | -3 comments Rusty wrote: "
Good, now you sons-of-bitches who can't tell us apart are really confused. If you must know, Harry is real and the rest of us are his sock puppets. "


you see... this is how true evil works! i didnt even have to talk in this thread...


now say you my bitch!


message 14: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments I'm Bunny's sock puppet and Bunny is an AI.


The Crimson Fucker (tcf123) | -3 comments you see... now you on your own... i'm out of this thread! i aint fucking with bunny!


message 16: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments the puppet master uses the sock puppet to do the fucking. a sock puppet may not, of it's own free will, fuck around with it's master. You're doing it wrong, Fooz. No wonder you thought sock puppets were gay. (not that there's anything wrong with that.)


message 17: by Harry (new)

Harry  (Harry_Harry) Rusty wrote: "Also, in my experience deer chili is generally pretty good."

He did not bring it in today, but it will be served up on Monday. Several people here have had it before and they all say it was great. There is some concern that the meat will be tough depending on how quickly it died and the amount of adrenaline it had pumping before then. The cook says that won't matter for the chili...only for the tenderloins. This guy is something else. He certainly would never be caught driving a Prius like Alfonso.


message 18: by Harry (new)

Harry  (Harry_Harry) Oh! I love that I am a discussion leader of a new book. Thanks.


message 19: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments gross.


The Crimson Fucker (tcf123) | -3 comments Harry wrote: "Oh! I love that I am a discussion leader of a new book. Thanks."

you welcome =)


The Crimson Fucker (tcf123) | -3 comments is it me or harry starting to sound like he got a crush on the deer slayer and the deer butcher??? I SMELL A THREESOME!


message 22: by smetchie (last edited Aug 27, 2010 10:48AM) (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments Alfonso, only you could take something as inherently lovely as all-male threesome and make it sound so unappealing. You've got a real gift. If anyone ever hits on me in a bar I'm texting you for advice on what to say to make them lose interest. Sort of like a reverse Cyrano de Bergerac. (am I using that right?)


The Crimson Fucker (tcf123) | -3 comments dude... but imagine! deer slayer dude, deer butcher guy and Harry go camping... and they leave Harry at the camp setting up... cuz lets face it... the way his admiring this dudes makes it sounds like he will be the chick in the relationship... when they come back with the butchered deer all covered in blood... Harry wont be able to resist their sexyness! he will ask em to take off the clothes so he can wash it... and then bang BOOM CHAKA WAWA!


message 24: by Harry (new)

Harry  (Harry_Harry) Oh I thought I was having a 3-some with the butcher and a dead deer. I thought you were a lot more fucked up than you really are. A 3-some with a couple dudes...eh, not so creepy in comparison to "Necrobestiophilia" 3-some. You're losing your touch.


message 25: by Harry (new)

Harry  (Harry_Harry) and that is rotting deer guts you smell...not me and a couple dudes.


The Crimson Fucker (tcf123) | -3 comments ok! fine! Harry, Deer Slayer dude and Deer Butcher dude go camping... and then they have sex on top of the dead Deer's body!


message 27: by Harry (new)

Harry  (Harry_Harry) better...seems more like you now.


message 28: by Servius Heiner (last edited Aug 28, 2010 01:43PM) (new)

Servius  Heiner Just wondering what was the temp outside on the day the road kill happened? It isn't really important unless they didn't bleed the deer. That is the important part, getting all the blood out pronto. Even so you need to hang it to properly bleed it. just gutting it and leaving it lay in a bed of a truck is not cool.. but then again it wasn't there for more then a few hours so that doesn't really mater either.

Also ten minutes for most deer is pretty standard. They are not that big after all. Nothing at all like a moose where you can easily loose 5-8 hours just quartering it with bone saws in order to pack it out of the weeds.

Tom drives the Chevy Corsica
Rusty is in the pruis
Harry is in the pussy wagon... I believe it is a yellow pick-um-up truck.


message 29: by Harry (new)

Harry  (Harry_Harry) It was fairly warm. Mid 80s. I don't know for certain, but I believe he did bleed out the deer. My very first car was an 86 or 87 Chevy Corsica and I certainly though of it as a pussy magnet. My pickup truck is pink.


message 30: by Tom (new)

Tom Foolery (tomfoolery) The hell I drive a Corsica!! Fuck you Nick.


message 31: by Rusty (new)

Rusty (rustyshackleford) | 2198 comments Oh, I almost forgot. Nick, you can stick that Prius where the sun don't shine.


message 32: by Harry (new)

Harry  (Harry_Harry) Chili was fantastic! Would have never known it was road kill deer.


message 33: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments fucking ew.


Servius  Heiner Smetchie wrote: "fucking ew."

says the shitty wife.


message 35: by Malbadeen (new)

Malbadeen I was here.


message 36: by Harry (new)

Harry  (Harry_Harry) Marie emrich wrote: "I was here."

Did you try the chili?


message 37: by Kasia (new)

Kasia Did you? How was it Harry? Somehow the thought of eating roadkill freaks me out.


message 38: by Harry (new)

Harry  (Harry_Harry) I did and it was good. Tasted like regular chili.


message 39: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments Foul.


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