I hate public humiliation

[Nikki]

This is the conversation I had at the Target check out with my three year old son:

Grady: Mommy are some birds girls and some birds boys?
Me: Yes
Grady: Do the girl birds have a wee-gina like you?
Me: Mmm-hmm
Grady: Do all girl aminals (yes, that's aminals) have wee-ginas?
Me:
Grady: Mommy! I'm asking about wee-ginas! 'ginas!
Me:
Grady: Mommy, where's your wee-gina?
18 Year old Target cashier: (blushing furiously)
Me: (blushing furiously) This isn't appropriate to talk about here.

God! The kid needs to be locked up until he's out of this stage.

[[deleted user]]

Weeginas! 'ginas! I'm asking about weeginas!

[smetchie]

Awww! I'm so proud right now to have a weegina! Great word!

[Rusty]

Okay Nikki, this is more of an “I’m glad this didn’t happen public (until now)”. And a little background is required. It might take a while, so if someone decides to skip this post, I will totally understand.

We’ve been trying to explain to the boy the concept of strangers and bad guys, etc. He seems to think that bad guys wear eye patches or have twirly moustaches, or wear dark robes and have claw-like fingernails or have snake eyes, or something. Anyway, he’s not getting the concept. We’ve tried to explain that everyone around us that we don’t know is a stranger, and most of them are good guys, but some of them might be bad guys. Just because someone is a stranger doesn’t mean they’re a bad guy, but he could be a bad guy and the bad guys look just like good guys, etc. But my son is still looking for an easy way to identify the bad guys.

Anyway, we recently watched a movie wherein the bad guys were black. Then, we were watching the news and there was some report about a suspected murderer or something, and they showed his picture. He was a dark-complected guy.

The boy turns to my wife and says: “Mommy, are all bad guys dark?”

In traditional fashion, I commenced laughing my @$$ off, and my poor wife gasped and explained to him why that was so wrong.

A while later, I was able to stop laughing.

[smetchie]

Wouldn't life be so much simpler if all the bad guys had twirly mustaches?

[[deleted user]]

and fedoras.

[Reads with Scotch]

I would think every woman would be pleased to learn their "gina" was in fact "wee". You know because of the whole "roast beef" stigma...

After all one hardly ever hears such things as:
"Dude she was the greatest, I hardly noticed I was in her at all... hotdog down the hallway, totally!"

[Reads with Scotch]

She was rocking out with her labia out!

[The Crimson Fucker]

Wait… what is a “gina” can somebody explain it to me?? And a really visual person maybe some pictures are going to be needed? And what are they used for??? Why are we talking about them in such an obsessive way??? Is it something like candy?? Can one eat it??? Or a toy?>?? Can one play with it??? I’m confused!!!!

[Reads with Scotch]

It IS like candy

one can eat it

one can view it as a toy, and by proxy play with it obsessively

It is also a reproductive mechanism

some are small, some are not

And I don't think, Donna would like this conversation.

[The Crimson Fucker]

Damn! It sounds like this “gina” thing is really versatile… I need to get me one! Can one disable the reproductive part?? Cuz I don’t hink I’d like that… but a toy that one can eat… sounds fucking awesome!

[Reads with Scotch]

You can and it is... unless your gay that is.

[Reads with Scotch]

not that that's wrong or anything... just retarded.

[smetchie]

Some people like to put it on a pedestal instead of just eating it.

[Reads with Scotch]

You know what your problem is?

Your putting it on a pedestal... you're creating some mythical beast; pussalyia!

[smetchie]

Nick, that's your supervillian name: "Commander Pussalyia".

That reminds me of Portnoy's Complaint.

[[deleted user]]

Was that movie supposed to be a comedy?

[Reads with Scotch]

Somebody is cool...


And it isn't Gretchen today!

[smetchie]

@ Teresa: Thanks for the update, Captain Obvious. Sweet! 2 supervillian names inside of 15 minutes. I'm on a roll!

You obviously did NOT complete your assigned reading!

[Reads with Scotch]

You're on a roll to... loser town; they both suck. Get a real job, you suck as a superhero HR assistant. I'd totally fire you. Can you teach your little hell spawn brat to say Hello to the un-employment line, and cobra?

[Reads with Scotch]

:)

[smetchie]

So Nick you don't like Commander Pussalyia? You want to be "Wienie Marinie" instead?

Superhero HR assistant sounds like kind of a fun job. I'd love to field complaints about Sara's "love darts".

[The Crimson Fucker]

Guahahahah! Shit I forgot to bitch on that super hero poll! My super hero name is still The Takonator!!!

[Rusty]

Fonoso, did you see Shawshank Redemption yet?

Hint: your answer should 'yes'.

[Reads with Scotch]

I wonder who she would fling them at... Hands... anybody?

[The Crimson Fucker]

I do have it…. But right now I’m just obsessed with Dexter…. Is just so fucking amazing man! Tell you what I’ll watch it on Friday when I’m off and I’ll give you a review k???

[smetchie]

I can't get into Dexter. Maybe I'm coming in too late in the game?

[Rusty]

Fonoso,

I guess that's acceptable. Dexter is pretty kick-@$$. I just watched the entire third season in a week period a couple of months ago.

Wolfy, you've got to start in at the beginning. All three previous seasons are on dvd now. Sooooo.....ah, ah, huh, hint, hint.

I'm done.

[The Crimson Fucker]

i am!! i'm watching season one!!! i feel so connected to that guy!!!

[Rusty]

Oh sorry, Alfonoso - I was talking to Wolfy (Grechen) in the second part.

[Reads with Scotch]

Rusty! Where is your compassion... read the thread she was just canned from her lucrative position at Superhero inc. she can't afford to buy three seasons of Dexter.

[smetchie]

I was getting that impression. I heard the books were good too.

[Nikki]

Rusty-my son was recently playing with two football player action figures. One white and one black. He pulled off the arm of the black guy accidentally and brought it to me and said, "Can you put the chocolate guy's arm back on?"

I didn't bother to correct him, but the next day at work I went to every black co-worker and told them the story to find out if they thought it was hilarious or horrifying. (Hilarious. It was unanimous).

Also, the wee-gina thing. It's one of those adorable mispronounciations that I can't bring myself to correct. Like when he used to say caterpillar padderpidder.

[Nikki]

Also, Dexter is way down on my Netflix. Should I bump it up?

[The Crimson Fucker]

about all that dvd buying shit... SUCKERS!!!!!!

[Rusty]

Nick, my coump, my compi, my.....what? I'll google the definition later. But she can always be a cheap s.o.b. like me and check them out from the local library.

Wolfy, I actually like the show more than the books. I read the first one and it was alright, but I haven't been enthused about reading the rest of them.