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A Solivagant on the Inselberg
message 1501:
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Hallie
(new)
Aug 05, 2017 05:23AM
I want to watch a movie tomorrow. What movie should I watch, though?
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And there goes my not-so-dysphoric mood! 
Hallie wrote: "Alia [very limited activity through 8/4] wrote: "I speak from experience, Hallie. I personally believe that I sound very mediocre as an instrumentalist a majority of the time. However, people have ..."I'm glad you think so :) That doesn't mean you're not good at guitar. I still got praise as a beginner, and I can read people pretty well, so I knew it wasn't the fake "beginner praise" that you give little kids for doing basic tasks. Don't listen to the folks that put you down! The sound of your keyboard could always be tainted by something else. I have this happen when I force myself to practice in a bad mood.
Yes, and you should be proud of that! It's how that song is supposed to sound!
Alia [very limited activity through 8/4] wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Alia [very limited activity through 8/4] wrote: "I speak from experience, Hallie. I personally believe that I sound very mediocre as an instrumentalist a majority of the time. Howeve..."By beginner, I mean I barely know to strum xP How can I not hear them when they waltz in uninvited and scream it in my ears? I couldn't have always played the keyboard in a bad mood for more than five years. So maybe I am really terrible at that.
I still don't believe it!
I'm so tired and fed up of being me.
Oh I know what you mean now XD Well, maybe guitar will click with you! You just have to be patient and try a bit more. Which I know you're doing :) Perhaps the keyboard wasn't the right instrument for you, then. I'm sure I'd have trouble learning anything but strings or piano. I seriously doubt you were terrible, then. And your family isn't necessarily right.Listen to Lillian ^ XD
*hugs Lillian*Alia, maybe if I wasn't someone who destroyed everything that she touched, that could happen, but I'm trying just to prove some people wrong. I don't think my teacher really had any hopes either while I played the keyboard.
Still don't believe it.
I just listened to the recording and it's beautiful, Hals :)
Aw Mays thanks, but I still sound like a thousand Mandrakes crying.
Says who?? Also, Mandrake screams are fatal, and I sure as
Says uh... My family (even though they actually never heard be sing) and me. I sound so boring! Maybe you're immune to their screams because you're so awesome? :D
I was thinking of posting another clip with me singing a different song.
Then how can they know...? No you don't!! That's probably not the case but thank you haha! Have some faith in yourself, there are people who think you're truly amazing out there :) Anyway I really liked it!
Hallie wrote: "I was thinking of posting another clip with me singing a different song."*crowd gasps* *clicks subscribe*
They're hypocrites, so they know :/ But in my opinion, I sound really bad. Or maybe that's a bad idea!
People can be discouraging - you don't have to listen to them. I can't change how you think, but in my opinion it's good :) Well in the end it's your decision to post it or not. If doing something doesn't make you comfortable then don't force yourself (unless you plan to step out of your comfort zone), but if you feel like sharing, go for it
I Can't Think Of A Name Now
The past few weeks have been crappy. No, the past few months have been crappy. Since the end of November, my life has been turned upside down. The past couple of weeks though, they've been worse than ever. How ironic! When I was little, I used to condemn suicide, and now I can't go a single day without thinking about it. And who do I have to attribute to? The same people who are supposed to be the ones helping me - my family.
Candidly, my family doesn't have "bad" members - I could never say that. They're actually pretty good people, but their biggest flaw is hypocrisy. My dad is actually pretty cool if you ignore his short-temper, impatience and immaturity at times, but everyone has their flaws. My mum's really sweet and kind as well and even though my brother and dad like criticizing that her food tastes bad, I personally don't mind bearing with it as long it isn't something that I genuinely dislike. My brother is the best brother anyone could ever ask for, but in spite of his annoying and disgusting habits, he's still awesome.
The problem with all these people are that they are major hypocrites and don't know what and when to speak. Oh, and my brother's rather selfish, too, but while I try to bear with it, I still find that annoying. He's not the only one here. My parents think they're the best parents in the world, and refuse to acknowledge their flaws or attempt to correct them. Then these three never understand me. The say the wrong things, trigger the wrong emotions, but can never accept that they could have hurt me. They laugh when I fall down instead of helping me. They don't get what I like it what I do and think they're doing the right thing for me when I don't want to get a bloody degree in Engineering. And hence, they're jerks. I'm struggling to not swear here.
You know last week, I wanted to sit home and prepare for these tests after finishing the last couple of Pretty Little Liars episodes, but apparently the power wasn't going to be there, so my brother and mum wanted to go to a mall. And when my mum asked me whether I wanted to come, my brother said, "No, then I'd have to pay for her bus fare too!" Even though they tried to convince me that he was joking, I took offense, because that was not the first time anyone has told me something like that. It's happened before, many times, where I was told I was wasting my dad's money. And so I wanted to stay home, but these idiots don't trust me to stay alone at home. So they dragged me against my will. Alright, we finished shopping, and found this place nearby to eat because my brother was so hungry and ordered separate food to eat. I couldn't finish mine because mine was slightly bigger in quantity, it was damn spicy, and it wasn't really something that I like. My mum and I shared and then these two began to tell me it was a waste buying me anything blah blah, and that's when I lost it and said, "In case you didn't realize, I never wanted to come here! I never wanted to eat! You two dragged me here, and you two better keep your bloody mouths shut before I cut you up with the knives that man used to cut these stupid onions." Well, I said most of it in Welsh. They laughed. Just like they laughed when I came home with a wound on my heel and a 101°F fever.
I want to write more, but I gotta go right now, so I'll continue this tomorrow.
It's mum's birthday today, and let's try forgetting the fact that she had to run a lot because of me, I cried myself to sleep yesterday (and got caught this morning), had a completely messed up morning, and an hour ago, lost my chance to do the only thing I wanted to do.
Any one of these following will happen:1. I will start swearing beyond my limits.
2. I will start crying this instant.
3. I will kill myself as soon as mum returns from her parents place.
Hold on a minute! Tomorrow's my birthday. I mean tomorrow is my birthday. Then why on earth am I not excited????? Usually, on August 8th, I'd be jumping around the house saying that, and this year, I'm completely unperturbed. Probably because I already know I'm going to have the worst birthday till now, or because I know I'm going to stay 16 forever in my grave.
You know what, actually I don't want tomorrow to come. Can we skip August 9th?
Can we please skip tomorrow, or I might end up making my birthday my death day?
Can I sleep through tomorrow or something?
No, my entire family tree wouldn't let me do that. Maybe I could run away for a day?
Why aren't you looking forward to it?
It's just going to turn into a disaster.
Don't say that! But anyway I'm here to wish you an early happy birthday :) I'll be um spiritually there while you cut the cake
Uhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm seriously considering overdosing right now.
But Mays it will! And I'm infuriated that it will. Aw thanks! :) Haha that sounds weird. I'm not going to cut a cake, so you'll have to accompany me if I bother to buy myself an ice cream.
Happy early birthday Hallie!!! Yes, please do go buy yourself an ice cream XD You deserve it!! Also, as Maya says, don't jump to conclusions. You can make it fun for yourself!!
Okay we don't know that so let's look on the bright side *sprays happiness water onto face* Sure, btw one deserves to be happy on their birthday!! And yesss *grabs purse*I second Alia!
Thanks Alia! :) I don't know. I might not be able to buy one. Nope, some bad things are scheduled to happen tomorrow, and.... I don't feel like being happy and now I'm angry that I'm just going to act that way on the day I've always looked forward to till now.
Hallie Turns Sour Sixteen
When I woke up this morning, I totally forgot that today is my birthday. I just lay down for an hour, and then out of the blue it struck to me: Hallie it's your birthday! And then I groaned because nope, I didn't sleep through it. In fact, I got up more early. Sheesh!
Anyway, after some time, my brother wished me by holding out his hand in the weirdest way anyone could give someone else a handshake; my dad sang (lol xD let's call it sang), and my mum wished me. H called me just after I got out of the bath, and when I checked my messages and emails, S and someone else had wished me too. Wow they remember!
And my day didn't actually turn out to be a disaster as I thought it would. On the contrary, I was actually lucky in most situations. None of the bad things that were supposed to happen took place, and for the first time in my life, someone said I looked cute. I'm pretty sure I looked hideous, but apparently the shrug I made mum buy on her birthday because she wanted to get me clothes for today, looked nice. Well, I couldn't control myself from mentally laughing because I bought that since I liked shrugs and coats, and I once saw Ariana Grande wear one similar to this xD
My mum's going to stay at my cousin's place tonight because her husband is going out, so I'll be alone with my brother and dad tonight.
Anyway, I'm officially sixteen years old. Time to change that introductory post!
Happy birthday, me! :)
It's also one of my cousin's birthday (not the one my mum is going to stay with tonight), so happy birthday to her as well!!
Also, it's the day a disastrous historical event took place: the Nagasaki bombings. So um, a minute or silence or something? I've had people teasing me over the years because I was born on the date of one deadly historical event and the year of another. Someone even called me an atom bomb, but hey, the bomb dropped in Nagasaki on August 9th 1945 was called 'Fat Man' and I am neither fat, nor a man. It's really sad, though, and I love Japan so much that sometimes I feel guilty to celebrate my birthday when so many people there died together and many still suffering because of that day.
Aw I'm so happy for you :) Happy birthday!!
Thank you, Ahana! :)I'm posting another clip of me singing!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY HALLIE <33333333333333
I think I finally figured out why I like my birthday the most every year: it's the one day people notice me. The day switches to August 10th, and I'm back to insignificant Hallie..... *sighs*I did manage to go the entire day without any major suicidal or self-destructive thoughts yesterday! I can't say the same for today, though.....
Now that's done, and I don't have any reason to live anymore.
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Books mentioned in this topic
Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982 (other topics)Lore (other topics)
The Glass Menagerie (other topics)
The Great Gatsby (other topics)
Orlando (other topics)
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