This is not The Haters Club You're Looking For discussion

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Getting Scared Shitless

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message 1: by Rusty (new)

Rusty (rustyshackleford) | 2198 comments So, I brushed my teeth and walked into the bedroom. Then I asked me wife "What are you watching?". She says, distractedly, without looking at me "I didn't know I was pregnant." Now, my wife has always been afraid of my reaction to hearing the news that she's pregnant. So she has always informed me in unconventional ways. And, recently she let me know that birth control was completely my job, because she feels ready to have another kid, and if it happens, so be it. So, back to the present - she said "I didn't know I was pregnant."

Here are a few of the thoughts going through my head:

-wtf?
-uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
-holy shit!
-say something positive, so she won't know you're about to lose control of your bowels.
-how did this happen? How did this happen?
-did I say something positive yet?
-okay, at least get the expression of unholy terror off your face.

Apparently, by this point several seconds had passed, and I had made no response, so she looked over at me to see what was going on. Then she began to laugh her ass off. When she was able to speak again, she told me that "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" is the name of a show on one of the Discovery channels.


message 2: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5729 comments PHEW! That was a close one, huh Rusty? Nothing like a narrow miss to make you live in the moment and appreciate life! I love when stuff like that happens. Like waking up from a stressful dream and you're like, Oh thank God!


message 3: by Rusty (new)

Rusty (rustyshackleford) | 2198 comments Yeah, I'm almost to the point where it's funny.

And it is strange how quickly your mind can change gears. Then the big relief when you realize gear-changing is not required.


message 4: by [deleted user] (new)

Hahaha! That's awesome.


message 5: by Kasia (new)

Kasia HAHhahaha
That's a good one Rusty! Really had me laughing.


message 6: by [deleted user] (new)

You should have another kid, though. Kids rule.


message 7: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5729 comments Kids rule up to a certain point. You can certainly have too many.


message 8: by Rusty (new)

Rusty (rustyshackleford) | 2198 comments We want one more, but I want to wait until we're settled somewhere on a more permanent basis. That won't be for another year or so.


message 9: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5729 comments if you knock her up now you'll be somewhere permanent by the time the baby is born (almost).


message 10: by Rusty (new)

Rusty (rustyshackleford) | 2198 comments if you knock her up now you'll be somewhere permanent by the time the baby is born (almost).

Oooooooh, you know who's not helping? You.

I knew I was screwed the other day when she held that baby for half an hour.



message 11: by Malbadeen (new)

Malbadeen oh man: babies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and toddlers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's pretty rare I wish for a different life but occasionally I do wish things had turned out so that I could've had the 4 I always thought I'd have.

It's sick and twisted but I'm already looking forward to being a grandparent (my kids are currently 6 and 9).


message 12: by smetchie (last edited Jul 08, 2009 07:06AM) (new)

smetchie | 5729 comments Rusty wrote: "I knew I was screwed the other day when she held that baby for half an hour. "

I'm pretty sure I'm done but I get the itch when I hold boy babies.




message 13: by [deleted user] (new)

I always thought I'd have 7. I don't know why I picked that number. I'm thinking 2, now.


message 14: by Rusty (new)

Rusty (rustyshackleford) | 2198 comments My wife wanted seven, but after the first one, she quickly amended that number to three.


message 15: by [deleted user] (new)

Three is the magic number.


message 16: by Kasia (new)

Kasia 7??!!! 7!!!
You guys are nuts.


message 17: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5729 comments How did this place go from "The Baby Haters Club" to "The Crazy Breeders Club"?!?!?!?




Oh, that's right. Nick can't get online.


The Crimson Fucker (tcf123) | -6 comments Before I joined the voluntary human extinction movement I wanted 3 daughters.


message 19: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5729 comments ahhhhhh, here we go. This is more like it. I was starting to freak out for a moment.


The Crimson Fucker (tcf123) | -6 comments Sorry Gretchen, I got home at 6 last night =)


message 21: by Kasia (new)

Kasia Yeah, I thought I had my groups confused. Breeders.


message 22: by Rusty (new)

Rusty (rustyshackleford) | 2198 comments You see Kasia, in democratic countries, people can have as many kids as they like.

But I never said I wanted seven. Three was always my magic number.

And let me say once again that the more people on this forum join the Human Extinction Movement, the happier I am.



message 23: by Kasia (new)

Kasia Rusty wrote: "You see Kasia, in democratic countries, people can have as many kids as they like. "

And you're saying that's a good thing? Like Jon & Kate = 8?


message 24: by Rusty (new)

Rusty (rustyshackleford) | 2198 comments The funny thing is, you might be the only one here who has ever seen that show.


The Crimson Fucker (tcf123) | -6 comments It was a reference to a show?? I thought it was a reference to one of those freaks that have like 8 babies with the help of fertility drugs and shit…


message 26: by Rusty (new)

Rusty (rustyshackleford) | 2198 comments It was a reference to a show?? I thought it was a reference to one of those freaks that have like 8 babies with the help of fertility drugs and shit…

Sadly, it's both.


The Crimson Fucker (tcf123) | -6 comments Please tell me that it was some sort of reality show with games and stuff where the weakest baby goes to adoption if he don’t prove himself useful to the family! I mean after all it takes a lot of money to raise 3 kids! Yay!! I can already see the sand box (play ground?) challenge!! The baby who does the ugliest sand castle goes to adoption!!!! Pam pam pam!!! (that’s my attempt to dramatic music) just imagine the previews!!! Tonight one of these cute little toddles will go into a foster home…




message 28: by [deleted user] (new)

Kasia, do you want kids?


message 29: by Kasia (new)

Kasia Montambo wrote: "Kasia, do you want kids?"

I ask myself that question too... Yes? No? Maybe 2? Donno.

Alfonso wrote: "Please tell me that it was some sort of reality show with games and stuff where the weakest baby goes to adoption if he don’t prove himself useful to the family! I mean after all it takes a lot of ..."

I think it's a reality show

Rusty wrote: "The funny thing is, you might be the only one here who has ever seen that show."

Oh, but I didn't, I just heard about it on all the late night shows, it was a subject to so many great jokes.


message 30: by Matthieu (last edited Jul 08, 2009 09:04PM) (new)

Matthieu Having children is a terrible idea. But if you must, know that there are way too many kids out there wasting away in orphanages. If you're insistent on having kids, adoption is the way to go.

I'm not having kids, Rusty, so you can be even happier. I'll sit back and laugh at the rapidly decreasing level of cognitive ability in the gene pool.


message 31: by Malbadeen (new)

Malbadeen Matt - you sound strikingly close to telling women what do with their uteruses. Granted it's a different take (shutting them down all together) but last I heard it was still very unpopular to meddle in that part of peoples lives.

I support you having kids, someday you may understand the genetic pull to reproduce. In the mean time let's just all hug and get along (while we're at it whey don't you hug my 4 sibling, my dads 9 siblings and all those lovely farm folk on my moms side you said you wanted to meet).
WHAT FUN!


message 32: by Matthieu (new)

Matthieu Nah, I just feel bad for orphans.

Haha, and your family is awesome. I'm one of four, by the way. Being the youngest has almost certainly affected my views on this subject.


message 33: by The Crimson Fucker (last edited Jul 08, 2009 09:26PM) (new)

The Crimson Fucker (tcf123) | -6 comments I went to see away we go today… I’m sticking to the plan matt!!! People should not have kids… and marie you make it sound like men have no say on the subject of having kids…


message 34: by Matthieu (new)

Matthieu You went to that, Alfonso? I'm sorry, man. I was thoroughly repulsed by the previews. Dave Eggers = hipster excrement.


The Crimson Fucker (tcf123) | -6 comments Dude the movie is actually quite funny… there are some families there that strongly help our cause!!! I repeat MOST people should not have kids!!!!! Also there is the most estrange pregnancy test I’ve ever seen at the beginning of the movie…




message 36: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5729 comments Alfonso wrote: "Please tell me that it was some sort of reality show with games and stuff where the weakest baby goes to adoption if he don’t prove himself useful to the family! I mean after all it takes a lot of ..."

HAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!


message 37: by Malbadeen (new)

Malbadeen oh Alfonso, don't get all bent outta shape. I think Men should breed like rabbits too.


message 38: by Georg (new)

Georg I have the magic number of three kids (two girls and a son, or was it the other way round?). They are really cute, at least they were on one of these black and white pics I still have in my office. They are often helpful when I need some drugs or a witness for some reason. Couldn't live without them. Will ask my wife for their names at the next opportunity.


message 39: by Rusty (new)

Rusty (rustyshackleford) | 2198 comments Will ask my wife for their names at the next opportunity.

Names? That requires a lot of memorization. That's why they invented nicknames. "Hey Champ, how you doin'?" or "Hey Scout, good to see you." You're making a lot of work for yourself.


message 40: by Malbadeen (new)

Malbadeen I constantly call my daughter by one of my co-workers names. Which wouldn't be so bad, except my co-workers name is Hildea.


message 41: by Georg (new)

Georg Champ, Scout, Hildea. That rings a bell. Thanks a lot, Rusty and Marie.


message 42: by Donitello (new)

Donitello I enjoyed Rusty's story tremendously.

Sincerely, Doni.


message 43: by Tom (new)

Tom Foolery (tomfoolery) There's something to be said for the "George Foreman" route.


message 44: by Malbadeen (new)

Malbadeen Tom: I was thinking the same thing!


message 45: by Stina (new)

Stina (stinalee) | 653 comments Rusty, I would like a baby update. Then I would like you to hate about something.


message 46: by Rusty (new)

Rusty (rustyshackleford) | 2198 comments Here's the update, Kristina:

I have officially arrived at the point at which I can find this experience humorous.


message 47: by Monkey (new)

Monkey (reydemono) Rusty, I know you already know this, but don't let your wife hold any more babies.

I've seen plenty of confirmed childless or "I'm done with that" women hold babies, and within a year they are shedding their own, like ticks off a dog.


message 48: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5729 comments Fuck you, Monkey. Those women you're referring to didn't really mean it when they said they were done. They just wanted to put you at ease so as better to pounce and catch you unawares, happily eating your sandwich, with a "let's have another one! Wouldn't that be fun?!"

Women are not all squishy bags of feelings unable to control our evolutionary urges you chauvinist. Show some respect.


message 49: by Monkey (new)

Monkey (reydemono) smetchie wrote: "Fuck you, Monkey. Those women you're referring to didn't really mean it when they said they were done. They just wanted to put you at ease so as better to pounce and catch you unawares, happily eat..."

go hold a baby


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