Quidditch Quotes

“Bad news, Harry. I've just been to see Professor McGonagall about the Firebolt. She – er, got a bit shirty with me. Told me I'd got my priorities wrong. Seemed to think I cared more about winning the Cup than I do about staying alive. Just because I told her I didn't care if it threw you off, as long as you caught the Snitch first.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

“And it’s Johnson, Johnson with the Quaffle, what a player that girl is, I’ve been saying it for years but she still won’t go out with me —'
'JORDAN!' yelled Professor McGonagall.
'Just a fun fact, Professor, adds a bit of interest —”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

“Warrington’s aim’s so pathetic I’d be more worried if he was aiming for the person next to me.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

“Harry was speeding toward the ground when the crowd saw him clap his hand to his mouth as though he was going to be sick-he hit the field on all fours-coughed-and something gold fell into his hand.
'I've got the snitch!' he shouted, waving it above his head, and the game ended in complete confusion.
'He didn't catch it, he nearly swalloed it,' Flint was still howling twenty minutes later, but it made no difference-Harry hadn't broken any rules and Lee Jordan was still happily shouting the results-Gryffindor had won by 170 points to 60.”
― J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

“Er — have the Bludgers ever killed anyone?” Harry asked, hoping he sounded offhand.
“Never at Hogwarts. We’ve had a couple of broken jaws but nothing worse than that. You don’t have to worry about the Quaffle or the Bludgers —”
“— unless they crack my head open.”
“Don’t worry, the Weasleys are more than a match for the Bludgers — I mean, they’re like a pair of human Bludgers themselves.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

“Training for the ballet, Potter?" yelled Malfoy.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

“Madam Pince, our librarian, tells me that it is 'pawed about, dribbled on, and generally maltreated' nearly everyday - a high compliment for any book.”
― J.K. Rowling, Quidditch Through the Ages

“The long game was ended, the Snitch had been caught, it was time to leave the air…”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

“We're coming for you whether the Muggles like it or not, you can't miss the World Cup, only Mum and Dad reckon it's better if we pretend to ask their permission first. If they say yes, send Pig back with your answer pronto, and we'll come and get you at five o'clock on Sunday. If they say no, send Pig back pronto and we'll come and get you at five o'clock on Sunday anyway.”
― JK Rowling, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

“Okay, I've only just found out the final lineup for Slytherin," said Angelina, consulting a piece of parchment. "Last year's Beaters, Derrick and Bole, have left now, but it looks as though Montague's replaced them with the usual gorillas, rather than anyone who can fly particularly well. They're two blokes called Crabbe and Goyle. I don't know much about them--"
"We do," said Harry and Ron together.
"Well they don't look bright enough to tell one end of a broom from another," said Angelina, pocketing her parchment, "but then I was always surprised Derrick and Bole managed to find their way onto the pitch without signposts."
"Crabbe and Goyle are in the same mold," Harry assured her.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

“Zen cuts straight through the Quidditch match in progress and almost gets taken down by a Beater hurling a Nerf quaffle right at his machopartes.”
― Megan McCafferty, Thumped

“I don't care if you fall off your broom as long as you catch the Snitch first.”
― J.K. Rowling

“I'm sitting in the bleachers, watching longingly as all the boys and umbumped girls in my Personal Health and Fitness class play Muggle Quidditch. I don't even like the game very much, I think it's silly, but I so miss physical activity that I'd be thrilled if I could run around the gymnasium with a broom between my legs, chasing after the human snitch wearing a gold pinny.”
― Megan McCafferty, Thumped

“The Golden Snitch is walnut-sized, as was the Golden Snidget. It is bewitched to evade capture as long as possible. There is a tale that a Golden Snitch evaded capture for six months on Bodmin Moor in 1884, both teams finally giving up in disgust at their Seekers' poor performances. Cornish wizards familiar with the area insist to this day that the Snitch is still living wild on the moor, though I have not been able to confirm this story.”
― J.K. Rowling

“Anyway... no worries about the bird: it's like my dear old mum always says: 'don't chase the quaffle if you see the snitch.'"
Reg frowned. "But that doesn't make sense."
"Sure it does."
"But... a chaser chases the quaffle. A seeker chases the snitch... they're two different positions... a chaser isn't even allowed to catch the snitch. He'd be disqualified!"
James opened his mouth to explain but decided against it. "That's true, Cat. Very true. I'll have to tell mum next time I see her."
"I'm surprised you didn't catch that—being a Quidditch Captain."
"You won't tell anyone, will you?"
Reginald promised that he wouldn't.”
― Jewels5, The Life and Times

“The Harpies’ defeat of the Heidelberg Harriers in 1953 is widely agreed to have been one of the finest Quidditch games ever seen. Fought over a seven-day period, the game was brought to an end by a spectacular Snitch capture by the Harpy Seeker Glynnis Griffiths. The Harriers’ Captain Rudolf Brand famously dismounted from his broom at the end of the match and proposed marriage to his opposite number, Gwendolyn Morgan, who concussed him with her Cleansweep Five.”
― Kennilworthy Whisp, Quidditch Through the Ages

“Our attention is drawn away from our conversation by shouts from the football team.
"You'd think we'd have invented a magical sport better than that," I observe.
"Just because you want to play Quidditch."
"I never said I wanted to play, just that it would be a good sport to watch if it wasn't fictional."
All the good sports were just that, the figment of someone else's imagination.”
― Laura Greenwood, First Time's a Charm

“THE FIREBOLT This state-of-the-art racing broom sports a streamlined, super-fine handle of ash, treated with a diamond-hard polish and hand-numbered with its own registration number. Each individually selected birch twig in the broomtail has been honed to aerodynamic perfection, giving the Firebolt unsurpassable balance and pinpoint precision. The Firebolt has an acceleration of 0–150 miles an hour in ten seconds and incorporates an unbreakable braking charm. Price on request.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

“The most successful Japanese team, the Toyohashi Tengu, narrowly missed a win over Lithuania’s Gorodok Gargoyles in 1994. The Japanese practice of ceremonially setting fire to their brooms in case of defeat is, however, frowned upon by the International Confederation of Wizards’ Quidditch Committee as being a waste of good wood.”
― Kennilworthy Whisp, Quidditch Through the Ages

“Records show that witches and wizards in Europe were using flying broomsticks as early as A.D. 962. A German illuminated manuscript of this period shows three warlocks dismounting from their brooms with looks of exquisite discomfort on their faces. Guthrie Lochrin, a Scottish wizard writing in 1107, spoke of the “splinterfilled buttocks and bulging piles” he suffered after a short broom ride from Montrose to Arbroath.”
― Kennilworthy Whisp, Quidditch Through the Ages

“Sometimes, when you had the Quaffle in hand but the goalposts straight ahead were blocked by Beaters and Bludgers and Keepers, then the best thing to do was to come at it from a different angle.”
― CH_Darling (ao3), The Last Enemy: The Howling Nights

“Although I have removed the usual library-book spells from this volume, I cannot promise that every trace has gone. Madam Pince has been known to add unusual jinxes to the books in her care. I myself doodled absent-mindedly on a copy of Theories of Transubstantial Transfiguration last year and next moment found the book beating me fiercely around the head.”
― Albus Dumbledore J.K. Rowling

“Please be careful how you treat this book. Do not rip out the pages. Do not drop it in the bath. I cannot promise that Madam Pince will not swoop down on you, wherever you are, and demand a heavy fine.”
― Albus Dumbledore J.K. Rowling

“All that remains is for me to thank you for supporting Comic Relief and to beg Muggles not to try Quidditch at home; it is, of course, an entirely fictional sport and nobody really plays it. May I also take this opportunity to wish Puddlemere United the best of luck next season.”
― Albus Dumbledore J.K. Rowling

“Guthrie Lochrin, a Scottish wizard writing in 1107, spoke of the 'splinter-filled buttocks and bulging piles' he suffered after a short broom ride from Montrose to Arbroath.”
― Kennilworthy Whisp, Quidditch Through the Ages