Hillarious Quotes

“He's a cousin of some friends of the Lightwoods or something. He's nice. I promise."
"Nice, bah. He's gorgeous." Magnus gazed dreamily in his direction. "You should leave him here. I could hang hats on him and things."
"No. You can't have him."
"Why not? Do you like him?" Magnus's eyes gleamed. "He seems to like you. I saw him going for your hand out there like a squirrel diving for a peanut.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Glass

“You took your meds today, right?" he whispered.
I nodded.
Then use this jar to save it."
Save . . . ?"
Your urine. If you give them some of today's tomorrow, it'll seem like you're still taking your meds."
You want me to . . . dole it out? Into specimen jars?"
Got a better idea?"
Um, no, but ..." I lifted the jar and stared into it.
Oh, for God's sake. Save your piss. Don't save your piss. It's all the same to me."
Simon peeked around the corner, brows lifted. "I was going to ask what you guys were doing, but hearing that, I think I'll pass.”
― Kelley Armstrong, The Summoning

“Alone with Giddon again, Bitterblue considered him, rather liking the mud streaks on his face. He looked like a handsome sunken rowboat.”
― Kristin Cashore, Bitterblue

“I'll fight them for you. I always carry a book with me, and they fucking hurt when you get smashed in the face with one." He shuts the car off and we both get out.
"You know this from experience?"
"No, just by the sound my victims make.”
― Alice Winters, A Villain for Christmas

“Meg!' I said. 'I told you not to kill it! You'll get cursed!'
'I didn't kill it. It committed suicide against that wall.”
― Rick Riordan, The Burning Maze

“Why are you covering your breasts?”
Turning her back to him, she stepped into her dress.
“Why are you so interested in my breasts?”
“I am only interested in them because you hide them,” he informed her. “I would not find them interesting if you would stop wearing clothing.”
― Viola Rivard , The Dragon's Appraiser: Part One

“Why do we have to humiliate someone to crack a joke??? Do what u would like people to do with u..”
― honeya

“When People in sales are at work, they are at war.”
― honeya