Darla > Darla's Quotes

“It’s simple guy logic: If a woman is angry? It means she cares. If you’re in a relationship and a chick can’t even be bothered to yell at you? You’re screwed. Indifference is a woman’s kiss of death. It’s the equivalent of a man not interested in sex. In either case—it’s over. You’re done.”
― Emma Chase, Tangled

“You know on TV when there’s one of those awkward, shocking moments and all you hear are the crickets in the background?

Well chirp fucking chirp...this is one of those moments.”
― Emma Chase, Tangled

“You ever seen A Christmas Story? You know toward the end when Ralphie beats the ever-loving shit out of the bully? I hope to God you've seen it. Because then you'll know exactly what I mean when I say I'm about to go real fucking Ralphie on this son of a bitch.”
― Emma Chase, Tangled

“My office door slams open, leaving a dent in the drywall.
Here we go.
“You are driving me crazy!”
Her cheeks are flushed, her breathing’s fast, and she’s got murder in her eyes.
Beautiful.
I raise my brows hopefully. “Crazy? Like you want to rip my shirt open again?”
“No. Crazy like the itch of a yeast infection that just won’t go away.”
I flinch. Can’t help it.
I mean—Christ.”
― Emma Chase, Tangled

“Has the old man lost his freaking mind? Would I ask him to share something he’s worked his ass
off for? Would he let someone else drive his 1962 cherry Mustang convertible? Would he open his
bedroom door and let some other guy screw his wife?
Okay, that was too far. I take it back—considering his wife is my mother. Forget I ever referred
to my mother and screwing in the same sentence. That’s just…wrong. On so many levels.
But for the love of God, tell me you see my point.”
― Emma Chase, Tangled

“Where's a stray bullet from a random drive-by shooting when you need one?”
― Emma Chase, Tangled

“Remember those reserves I mentioned? Time to call them up. I pick up the phone and dial. A soothing greets me after the second ring. The perfect combination of strength and comfort, and I answer back. “Hi, Mom.” You thought I was calling someone else, didn’t you? Deep down—I’m a momma’s boy. I’m man enough to admit it. 'And trust me, I’m not the only one. Explains a lot, doesn’t it? That’s the reason your boyfriend can’t manage to get his socks or underwear actually in the hamper-because he grew up with mommy doing it for him.”
― Emma Chase

“There are only a few reasons why Delores Warren would want to talk to me at this point in my life. None of them are pleasant.
I motion toward my office. "Come on in."
This is how it must feel to invite a vampire into your house.”
― Emma Chase, Tangled

“My phone pinged. It was a text from Cookie.

I'm not good at cocking guns.

Really? Did she not know me at all?

I texted her back.

You can do this. Learn the cock, Cookie.

Know the cock.

Be the cock.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“What do you want?"

"You," he said, his voice lowering an octave. "I want you, Dutch, body and soul. I want you in my bed every night. I want you there when I wake up in the morning. I want your clothes strung across my apartment and your scent on my skin.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“Is that what you think? That I follow you around to keep your ass out of trouble?"

"If so, you're not very good at your job."

A huge smile spread across his face. "True enough. So what's eating you? Because, sadly, it's not me.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“Freaking men. It didn't matter what the problem was, they saw only three solutions to it: food, sex, war.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“What's your specialty?

Oh, you know. Madness. Mayhem. Debauchery. And even with all that going for me, I can still make a mean mojito.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“When I want your opinion, I'll remove the duct tape.--T-SHIRT”
― Darynda Jones, Fourth Grave Beneath My Feet

“You can't fix stupid, but you can numb it was a 2 by 4.--T-SHIRT”
― Darynda Jones, Fourth Grave Beneath My Feet

“You mess with the reaper, you get the scythe”
― Darynda Jones, Fourth Grave Beneath My Feet

“There is a great need for a sarcasm font.”
― Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead

“Holy shit, are you positive?"
"As a pregnancy test a month after prom.”
― Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead

“I chose the road less traveled. Now I'm lost.”
― Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead

“If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is NOT for you. (BUMPER STICKER)”
― Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead

“Well, now I felt horrible. I'd marred perfectly good ass cheeks for no reason. It was as if I'd sneezed on the Mona Lisa.”
― Molly Harper, The Art of Seducing a Naked Werewolf

“I've never understood why people pick Noah's ark for a nursery theme anyway." Andrea said breezily...

Really", I snorted. "I mean, who wants reminders of a natural disaster, literally of biblical portions, on their baby's walls? What are you supposed to say, 'Oh, drowning sinners, isn't that precious?”
― Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Live Forever

“Not to be rude, but it was all pointless," I noted from across the room. Four eyes narrowed at me. "What? I said 'not to be rude'. That's like saying 'God bless them' right after you say bad things about someone. It means it doesn't count!”
― Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Live Forever

“Wine?”
“Am I breathing?”
“Wine it is.”
― Alice Clayton, Wallbanger

“I wouldn’t say I know him, but I’m familiar with his work.”
― Alice Clayton, Wallbanger

“You smell like tequila and sexual repression, Caroline.”
― Alice Clayton, Wallbanger

“Here's the thing about a spit take: In the movies, they're hysterical. In real life, they're just messy.”
― Alice Clayton, Wallbanger

“I take no leave of you, Miss Bennet: I send no compliments to your mother. You deserve no such attention. I am most seriously displeased.”
― Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

“There is no music without you. Music is an expression of all of those things you live for…a reflection of the passion within your soul. I live for you. You’re my passion. You’re my music…you and Bea.”
― Penelope Ward, RoomHate