Fifth Grave Past the Light Quotes

“My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“How would you like your eggs?"

I tried. I really did. But I glanced at his crotch and it came out anyway. "Fertilized?”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“Have they even seen the Winchester boys? Sammy and Dean's existence proves there is a god and she is a woman.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“ If god is watching us,
the least we can do is be entertaining.

--BUMPER STICKER”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“What do you want?"

"You," he said, his voice lowering an octave. "I want you, Dutch, body and soul. I want you in my bed every night. I want you there when I wake up in the morning. I want your clothes strung across my apartment and your scent on my skin.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“My phone pinged. It was a text from Cookie.

I'm not good at cocking guns.

Really? Did she not know me at all?

I texted her back.

You can do this. Learn the cock, Cookie.

Know the cock.

Be the cock.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“Whoever is in charge of making sure I don’t do stupid shit is fired.
—T-SHIRT”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“Hey, wait," I said, pulling back, "you are the son of Satan. Maybe we need a safe word."

His grin morphed into something wickedly charming. "Okay, how about, 'Oh, my god, it's so big.'"

Laughter burst out of me before I could stop it. Not that it wasn't. "That would be a safe phrase, but okay." I thought about it, then said, "How about 'Is that all you've got?”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“A guy in an SUV tried to kill me.”
“That’s strange.”
“Why?”
“Because the guy I hired doesn’t drive an SUV.”
“That is strange.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“Is that what you think? That I follow you around to keep your ass out of trouble?"

"If so, you're not very good at your job."

A huge smile spread across his face. "True enough. So what's eating you? Because, sadly, it's not me.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“I brought out the most powerful tool I had in my arsenal. "If you resist," I said into Reyes's ear, "I'll be forced to Taser you."

He looked at what I had in my hand. "That's a phone."

"I have an app. You'll probably experience nerve damage. Slight memory loss.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“I'm a virgin.
But this is an old shirt.

--T-SHIRT”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“I was just passing by. Saw the commotion. Figured you were involved.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“You still owe me a million dollars." I'd presented him with a bill for proving his innocence and getting him freed from prison. He had yet to pay. Couldn't imagine why.

"Yeah, I was hoping we could work that out."

"The interest alone is going to kill you."

"What do you charge?"

"Three hundred eighty-seven percent."

"Is that ethical?"

"It's as ethical as my dating the son of Satan.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“I have depth. I've read Proust. No, wait, that was Pooh. Winnie the Pooh. My bad"

Charley Davidson.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“I noticed you tore down Donovan's house."

He lifted his gaze until it locked with mine. "He's alive because he left town. His house chose to stay. It paid the price.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“Captain," I said, letting the surprise I felt filter into my voice. It was weird how every time I said the word captain, I wanted to tack on a Jack Sparrow at the end.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“What would you do if you were sent to hell?"
"Stop, drop, and roll?”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“I may not have any skeletons in my closet, but I do have a little box of souls in my sock drawer.
—T-SHIRT”
― darynda jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“With a deep regret, I wiggled out from under him despite his sleepy protests and grabbed articles of clothing as I tiptoed to his door. What amazing willpower I had. What fantastic self-control. I'd come over for one reason, and everything but that reason seemed to be resolved. When I reached the door, I saw what looked like another note. But this was his door, not mine. I peeled it off, then angled it until I could read it by the light of the fire.

Is that all you've got?

With a smile spreading slowly across my face, I dropped everything I'd just picked up and went back for more.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“She still wasn't convinced. "So, if you were a guy, would you be into me?"
"Hon, if I were a guy, I'd be gay."
"Yeah, me, too.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“Paperwork wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for all the paper. And the work.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“Freaking men. It didn't matter what the problem was, they saw only three solutions to it: food, sex, war.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“I intend to live forever. So far, so good. - T-SHIRT”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“A wicked grin crinkled one corner of his mouth as he secured another sticky note on the door before shutting it in my face.

I blinked, then read the note.

Use the key.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“I could hardly be responsible for my actions when everyone around me gave me every opportunity to sink to their low expectations.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“We should date."

I laughed, curled him into my arms, and kissed the soft spot underneath his earlobe. "You're going to have to go to obedience school for that to happen. You have authority issues."

"Never mind. We should have sex again and then date."

"Since you put it that way, okay.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“I'm sorry to have to tell you this way, but your mother and I are separating." When I pressed my mouth together, he corrected, "Stepmother. We're just - We're going in different directions."

"I don't know what to say, Dad. 'Hurray' just seems wrong.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“The funny thing about GPS was it didn’t always send you in the right direction.
I knew that if I took a right and took Twelfth instead, I’d get there faster, so I turned right. Ozzy did not approve.
“Wut the foock?”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light