Timothy > Timothy's Quotes

“This does not mean you are “losing it” or are “not playing with a full deck” or are “not all there” or that you’re “eating with the dirigibles” or “shellacking the waxed egg” or “looking inside your own mind and finding nothing there,” or any of the other demeaning epithets that are said about people who are peeling an empty banana.”
― Steve Martin, Pure Drivel

“I saw the movie, 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon' and was surprised because I didn't see any tigers or dragons. And then I realized why: they're crouching and hidden.”
― Steve Martin

“How wrong Emily Dickinson was! Hope is not "the thing with feathers." The thing with feathers has turned out to be my nephew. I must take him to a specialist in Zurich.”
― Woody Allen, Without Feathers

“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.”
― Woody Allen

“I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social.”
― Woody Allen

“Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.”
― Woody Allen

“I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.”
― Woody Allen

“There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?”
― Woody Allen

“I can't fight.
I was once run over by a car with a flat tire, being pushed by two guys.”
― Woody Allen

“My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a Quaker.”
― Woody Allen

“All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men are Socrates.”
― Woody Allen

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
― Oscar Wilde