Smurphette_Jelly_Bean Bookshelf > Smurphette_Jelly_Bean's Quotes

“I thought the whole point of having a gay brother was that they were supposed to be all cool and shit. I’ve got a defective gay.”
― T.J. Klune

“You want to know what it feels like to be castrated? Try having your nine-year-old brother protect you from your ex-girlfriend after you've told her you're in love with a man.”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“There's nothing like being admonished by a nine-year-old ecoterrorist in training.”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“I’ll never understand why people just won’t let others be who they are. It’s not like it’s affecting them in any way”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“You can’t tell a little kid that you swear to God over something and then not do it. You may effectively ruin my childhood.” He looks off into nothing, a wistful expression on his face. “Gosh, think of the therapy bills. Not to mention how I’ll probably never be able to have a normal relationship when I’m an adult. I’ll live with you forever and become a cat lady.”
I cock an eyebrow at him. “You hate cats.” He rolls his eyes. “Well, yeah, now I do. But I won’t have a choice. It’ll be inevitable. And I’ll probably have to throw birthday parties for my feline companions where I bake them cakes out of
Fancy Feast. All because you went back on your God swear.”
― TJ Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“You were the only thing that made me feel safe when the earthquakes threatened to break me. I needed you here because when you're not here, I don't have a home.”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“It’s not like I tease people with the things I’m doing,” the Kid continues. He deepens his voice. “Coming soon, I may or may not go outside. What will I choose? Find out… in another month.”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“Otter! Otter! Otter!
Don’t lead cows to slaughter!
I love you, and I know
I should’ve told you soon-a
But you didn’t buy the dolphin-safe tuna!”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“Don’t even try to figure out where that came from. I assure you the logic chain in Bear’s head makes sense if you actually know him (and by ‘makes sense’ I mean in a Bear way), but for a newbie like you, it’ll probably just break your mind”
― T.J. Klune

“Well, then, Otter, of course I don’t like Bundt cake. It has eggs in it. Baby chicken eggs. You don’t see chickens standing outside of maternity wards waiting to get our babies to make their Bundt cake, do you?”
― TJ Klune, Who We Are

“I’ll wait for you,” he said as his hand dropped to his side, as his eyes began to dim. “I think I could wait for you forever.”
― T.J. Klune, Burn

“I think you are seriously overestimating my dancing abilities. My kind of dancing usually ends up on the Internet, where people watch it so they can stop feeling sorry about their own lives. You know how people say they have two left feet? It's like I have no feet and my stumps are attached to wheels shaped like triangles.”
― T.J. Klune, Who We Are

“Round 5: Telling him I felt bad about the puppy-shirt thing, I told him
we could go pick out a dog at the pound now that we had a yard for it.
Instead, I took him to the dentist. Winner: Bear “Rock Star” McKenna.”
― T.J. Klune, Who We Are

“Wait until you meet the therapist.
That bad?
Let's just say i can't believe he's a real person.
Like Santa Claus?
More like if Santa Claus and Ron Jeremy had a child and then that child had a child with Richard Simmons.
So, like a leprechaun?
Yes, Otter, exactly like a leprechaun.
I'm going to tell him I believe in Santa Claus, just to see what happens.
I dare you.”
― T.J. Klune, Who We Are

“I’ve never told anyone this, but anytime that I’ve felt sad or alone or angry or upset, I would pray to God to just make you come back. That I would do anything He wanted me to do if only you would walk through my door. You were the only thing that made me feel safe when the earthquakes threatened to break me. I needed you to come home because when you’re not here, I don’t have a home.”
― T.J. Klune

“He gave me a lot, but it would have never been enough.” He looks thoughtful as he gazes back down at me. “It would never have been enough,” he tells me,” because it would never have been you”
― T.J. Klune

“I know that," the Kid says smartly. "Some people are just not meant to be together. But that doesn't mean you can't love them.”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“Bear. It’s always been you. It will always be you. I love you, and that’s why it will always be enough.”
― TJ Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“The fight for you was all I've ever known.”
― T.J. Klune , Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“But Bear said I shouldn’t talk to strangers because they would be scared of me. I always thought I was supposed to be afraid of them, but Bear said I would just end up talking them to death and that any nefarious purpose they might have had would become moot.
When Bear McKenna accuses you of talking too much, you know you have a problem”
― T.J. Klune

“Because sometimes it’s about letting go of what your mind tells you and following what your heart shows you instead. That’s how you know it will always be real.”
― T.J. Klune, Tell Me It's Real

“Ty grabbed my phone and threatened to tell Otter that I liked being spanked during sex.

This proceeded to lead up on a long tangent where I had to have him explain to me how he knows about stuff like people getting spanked during sex. He said he might have heard it mentioned while watching MSNBC. I told him he was grounded from watching the news channels for a week. That's where this whole sidebar should have ended, but then I was forced to explain S & M and bondage to my little brother, who was persistent on the topic, and who kept staring at me with mounting horror when I finally /did/ explain, and I realized I had maybe gone too far, and we had to spend the next five minutes swearing to God that I had never nor would I ever attempt to do anything like that. He might now be the only nine-year-old who has heard the terms "cock ring" and "fisting". My parenting skills are unparalleled.”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“Creed scowls. "Hardly. All he does now is mope like a goddamn teenage girl. Anytime I'm home, he's in his room with the door locked. I'm telling you guys, he got worked over really bad in San Diego. I thought the whole point of having a gay brother was that they were supposed to be all cool and shit. I got a defective gay.”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“I groaned. “You set me up!”
“And it was surprisingly easy.” Dad laughed. “Geez. I don’t know how you weren’t kidnapped as a child by a stranger who offered you candy. You’re so gullible.”
― T.J. Klune

“Straight? So is spaghetti until you heat it up”
― Jet Mykles, Squire

“I am not a person to say the words out loud / I think them strongly, or let them hunger from the page.”
― Keri Hulme

“My ideal goal is to "mature" into childhood. That would be genuine maturity.”
― Bruno Schulz

“If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use in reading it at all.”
― Oscar Wilde