Val Mullally > Val's Quotes

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”
― Martin Luther King Jr., A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Speeches

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
― Oscar Wilde

“We do not need magic to transform our world. We carry all the power we need inside ourselves already.”
― J.K. Rowling

“About the expression "Hurt people, hurt people".. Hurt people are not going to stop HURTING other people until they receive the memo that it is WRONG, (or if there are actual consequences for their behaviour.) Feeling sorry for them and understanding where they 'came from' is not helping to stop the cycle of abuse.”
― Darlene Ouimet

“We have no obligation to endure or enable certain types of certain toxic relationships. The Christian ethic muddies these waters because we attach the concept of long-suffering to these damaging connections. We prioritize proximity over health, neglecting good boundaries and adopting a Savior role for which we are ill-equipped.

Who else we'll deal with her?, we say. Meanwhile, neither of you moves towards spiritual growth. She continues toxic patterns and you spiral in frustration, resentment and fatigue.

Come near, dear one, and listen. You are not responsible for the spiritual health of everyone around you. Nor must you weather the recalcitrant behavior of others. It is neither kind nor gracious to enable. We do no favors for an unhealthy friend by silently enduring forever. Watching someone create chaos without accountability is not noble. You won't answer for the destructive habits of an unsafe person. You have a limited amount of time and energy and must steward it well. There is a time to stay the course and a time to walk away.

There's a tipping point when the effort becomes useless, exhausting beyond measure. You can't pour antidote into poison forever and expect it to transform into something safe, something healthy. In some cases, poison is poison and the only sane response is to quit drinking it.

This requires honest self evaluation, wise counselors, the close leadership of the Holy Spirit, and a sober assessment of reality. Ask, is the juice worth the squeeze here. And, sometimes, it is. You might discover signs of possibility through the efforts, or there may be necessary work left and it's too soon to assess. But when an endless amount of blood, sweat and tears leaves a relationship unhealthy, when there is virtually no redemption, when red flags are frantically waved for too long, sometimes the healthiest response is to walk away.

When we are locked in a toxic relationship, spiritual pollution can murder everything tender and Christ-like in us. And a watching world doesn't always witness those private kill shots. Unhealthy relationships can destroy our hope, optimism, gentleness. We can lose our heart and lose our way while pouring endless energy into an abyss that has no bottom. There is a time to put redemption in the hands of God and walk away before destroying your spirit with futile diligence.”
― Jen Hatmaker, For the Love: Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards

“Guard your heart, mind and time. Those three things will determine the health of everything else in your life.”
― Andrena Sawyer

“Boundaries are easier to manage when your values are well-defined.”
― Joe Jordan, Sharpen Your Life: 52 Strategic Moments to Create a Lifetime of Success

“Establishing and maintaining boundaries are two very different things. Establishing a boundary is defining it and setting it in place. Maintaining a boundary is implementing it; weaving it into your lifestyle and checking it often to ensure that it holds. A boundary is effective only if its maintained.”
― Laurie Buchanan, PhD

“Boundaries help us to distinguish our property so that we can take care of it. They help us to "guard our heart with all diligence." We need to keep things that will nurture us inside our fences and keep things that will harm us outside.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Problems arise when people act as if their "boulders" are daily loads, and refuse help, or as if their “daily loads" are boulders they shouldn’t have to carry. The results of these two instances are either perpetual pain or irresponsibility.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Boundaries were necessary for a successful relationship. Most relationships aborted in the boundary-defining stage. Not because people demanded what they needed. But because they didn’t, then got resentful about it”
― Karen Marie Moning, Feverborn

“Requiring accountability while also extending your compassion is not the easiest course of action, but it is the most humane, and, ultimately, the safest for the community.”
― Brené Brown, Rising Strong: The Reckoning. The Rumble. The Revolution

“Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes they mean it. They're compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.”
― Brené Brown, Rising Strong: The Reckoning. The Rumble. The Revolution

“Boundaries come after grace, because compassion minds the fragile places but boundaries keep them from compromising the rest. Brokenness may have legitimate origins, but left unchecked, a wound becomes infected and poisons the whole body (and subsequently, everyone around). Wounds must be attended to heal. With an unhealthy limb, the rest of the body overcompensates through manipulation, aggression, or blaming. Boundaries here are kind. Better to apply direct pressure to the wound than pretend it is well; this may get worse before better, but it is way of healing.”
― Jen Hatmaker, For the Love: Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards

“True intimacy is only built around the freedom to disagree.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“I want to remind pastors and leaders that we do not own the church—God does. We aren't called to serve the church from a place of fear with our primary focus on protecting our boundaries. We are called to fling wide the doors, to invite to the banquet those on the margins, those who will challenge our comfort and our aversion to getting our hands dirty. Announcing the kingdom is risky business. When our experience of church becomes so predictable and so controlled, one has to wonder how far we've strayed from the calling to be ambassadors of reconciliation to those far beyond the walls of the church.”
― Wendy Vanderwal-Gritter, Generous Spaciousness: Responding to Gay Christians in the Church

“The more severe the dysfunction you experienced growing up, the more difficult boundaries are for you.”
― David W. Earle LPC- Love is Not Enough