Quotes - Chris (Houston, TX) Showing 1-30 of 42

#1

“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”
― Mark Twain

tags: humor, politics

9104 likes

#2

“God created war so that Americans would learn geography.”
― Mark Twain

tags: americans, geography, war

7533 likes

#3

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform (or pause and reflect).”
― Mark Twain

tags: individuality, majority, minority, pause, reflect, wisdom

43910 likes

#4

“The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter. ’tis the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning.”
― Mark Twain, The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations

tags: writing

6213 likes

#5

“Books are for people who wish they were somewhere else.”
― Mark Twain

tags: books-reading

4804 likes

#6

“What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.”
― Mark Twain

tags: humor, men, women

4699 likes

#7

“I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.”
― Mark Twain

tags: death, inspirational

6388 likes

#8

“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”
― Mark Twain

tags: clothing

3692 likes

#9

“I'll pour you the first one and after that, if you don't have one, it's your own f****** fault. You know where it is.”
― Kingsley Amis, Everyday Drinking: The Distilled Kingsley Amis

tags: hospitality

27 likes

#10

“It is natural and harmless in English to use a preposition to end a sentence with.”
― Kingsley Amis, The King's English: A Guide to Modern Usage

9 likes

#11

“It is no wonder that people are so horrible when they start their life as children.”
― Kingsley Amis

7 likes

#12

“Wives and such are constantly filling up any refrigerator they have a claim on, even its ice-compartment, with irrelevant rubbish like food.”
― Kingsley Amis, Everyday Drinking: The Distilled Kingsley Amis

2 likes

#13

“If you want to finish the evening with your usual number of fingers, do any cutting-up, peel-slicing and the like before you have had more than a couple of drinks, preferably before your first.”
― Kingsley Amis, Everyday Drinking: The Distilled Kingsley Amis

3 likes

#14

“Beware of curiously shaped or oddly-got-up bottles: you are likely to be paying for the parcel rather than what is wrapped up in it.”
― Kingsley Amis, Everyday Drinking: The Distilled Kingsley Amis

2 likes

#15

“If you want to behave better and feel better, the only absolutely certain method is drinking less. But to find out how to do that, you will have to find a more expert expert than I shall ever be.”
― Kingsley Amis, Everyday Drinking: The Distilled Kingsley Amis

2 likes

#16

“If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: humor

144 likes

#17

“Everyone must believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer”
― Groucho Marx

37 likes

#18

“A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded gun on your coffee table- There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about.”
― Garrison Keillor

219 likes

#19

“God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.”
― Garrison Keillor , Happy to Be Here

146 likes

#20

“I have never listened to anyone who criticized my taste in space travel, sideshows or gorillas. When this occurs, I pack up my dinosaurs and leave the room.”
― Ray Bradbury, Zen in the Art of Writing: Releasing the Creative Genius Within You

tags: humour, individuality, science-fiction

6237 likes

#21

“Do you hate people?”

“I don't hate them...I just feel better when they're not around.”
― Charles Bukowski, Barfly

tags: humour, misanthropy, paraphrased

13390 likes

#22

“Fifty percent of all doctors graduate in the bottom half of their class - Hope your surgery went well!”
― Simone Elkeles, Rules of Attraction

tags: humour

859 likes

#23

“Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.”
― Mark Twain

908 likes

#24

“If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.”
― George Carlin, Napalm & Silly Putty

tags: humanity, humor, humour, perspective, philosophie

1003 likes

#25

“I have no objection to anyone’s sex life as long as they don’t practice it in the street and frighten the horses.”
― Oscar Wilde

402 likes

#26

“The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.”
― Charles Bukowski

6572 likes

#27

“An intellectual says a simple thing in a hard way. An artist says a hard thing in a simple way.”
― Charles Bukowski

4688 likes

#28

“My ambition is handicapped by laziness”
― Charles Bukowski, Factotum

6372 likes

#29

“I drink to make other people more interesting.”
― Hemingway, Ernest

tags: drinking

3216 likes

#30

“Ho! Ho! Ho! To the bottle I go
To heal my heart and drown my woe
Rain may fall, and wind may blow
And many miles be still to go
But under a tall tree will I lie
And let the clouds go sailing by”
― J.R.R. Tolkien

tags: drinking, liquor, poetry, sadness

2102 likes

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